"It Won't Be Like This For Long" Darius Rucker
*there's a lightning bug swarming free around the house and the kitties are going absolutely insane...heads swaying back and forth...meowing scary meows, hopping all over the place, thinking they can reach the ceiling...pure entertainment, I tell ya.
"This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It won't be like this for long"
My friend, Marie, texted me yesterday and asked how I was doing. I told her I was a bit better than Monday and that I was hoping things just needed to get really crappy before they could get better. She texted back, "Things do get worse before they get better sometimes, but it won't be like this for long." She told me I needed that poster of a kitten hanging off a branch that says, "Hang in There"...and that she wouldn't be surprised if I already had that poster at some point in my life (knowing what a crazy cat lady I am). I laughed out loud and it brought a smile to my face, like she said she hoped it would.
I'm hangin' in there. :)
Monday and Tuesday I used my last two ovulation tests...hey, they were begging for me to use em' up. And later, on Monday afternoon, I got an almost positive...which means the next 48 hrs are *the time*. In that moment, all my thoughts of "take it easy" go out the window...all I'm thinking is, "come home Steve...we need to do the deed." Then, I tell myself to stop...realize we have time...and think to myself, "ohhh, calm down, we will have dinner, watch a movie and wait till bedtime...it will be romantic...no doctor's appointments...no stress"...
Not exactly. :)
Maybe I should have gone with Salt n' Pepa's, "Let's Talk About Sex"...I'd like to hear the country version of that one! Any woman who's ever wanted to make a baby knows that sometimes it isn't as easy as, "oh, if it happens, it happens." Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of women who truly feel that way, and I think it's great. But women who've tried and tried, gone through loss(es), and infertility...know that sometimes knowing when you "need to" have sex, takes all the fun out of it. For the husband and the wife...both in similar and different ways. It's like Jessica said, the other night..."It's like when we were in school and told what books we had to read for summer reading...kinda makes you not want to read them anymore...even when you might have thought they seemed like good books." *okay, maybe not her exact words, but you get the point* - Hi Jessica :)
She's right! And every month, when the doctor says, "do your homework"...it puts added pressure on us. Even though we don't have our doctor telling us when to, this cycle...WE KNOW WHEN TO!
I know that day 10-17, we should be taking care of business at least every other day...and especially, concentrating on days 12-15...
and Monday being day 12, went a little something like this...
Take ovulation test, text a few friends a picture of it and ask their opinion, text Steve, "tonight starts our you know what" (bc he keeps his cell on his desk at work where everyone can see, he's asked me to refrain from texting him things like, "tonight, we boom boom"), he gets home, we order a pizza, watch the Wedding Singer to get us in the mood...(Kidding) but we did watch it...Steve studies while I talk on the phone to Jessica ( Did I mention on all of our important fertile days, Steve is in the city for work...leaving early and getting home later - perfect timing, grrr) my phone dies on Jess and I go down to see what Steve is up to...He tells me he's been in the bathroom for 45 mins and doesn't know what's up with his stomach, HMMMM, as much as I feel bad he feels sick, I'm thinkin'..."grreaattttt, now that's hot and tonight is surely gonna work out the way we planned"...He says he needs to go to bed and to wake him up...hmmm, considering how he feels and what he's been doing for the past almost hr, not really feelin' it.
So I called Jess back, wimpered to her and decided to wait till morning.
These are the fun times of a couple like us, trying to have a baby again and again and again and again and again. I guess what really grinds my gears is that the 3 non fertile weeks out of a month are great, as far as the lovin' goes...and the week where
There are too many times where all we could do was laugh at how hilarious our circumstances were when it was our "fertile stage"...How many of you have pets? And they seem to always want to jump on the bed with you when you're about to...or just stare at you and give you the major creeps!...Let me tell you, it's a huge turn on when your cat, Krimpet, is just laying there staring, purring away, without you knowing...until you turn around...and then your husband says, "Hey, Krimpet kinda looks like Hayley from American Idol, doesn't she?" Whoaaa, wow, that's really gettin' me going there hunny! hahahaha but we laughed so loud in that moment...and sometimes, that's what you gotta do.
Let's see if Steve was right...
Omygoodness, Steve's totally right...they could be sisters! (uh, but I really do see it in the eyes) LOL
And I know so many other women
So last night, I get into bed...I text Steve, "please wake me up at 5:45 if you're feeling well so we can do it"...and I think, "wow, that's really gonna get him in the mood" (not really). I hate that I feel like "Sergeant Do Me" (Ok, there are plenty of other terms I use that aren't appropriate). I set my alarm for 5:50 and at that time, am so relieved to already see Steve is awake and feeling better. Deed gets done. And I am happy...perfect timing.
But of course, let's not forget all of the extra fun that comes along with baby making during your fertile stage. The *having to lay after sex* part, so the swimmers get swimmin'. So many women don't...in fact, I bet 75% don't and still get pregnant. But not crazy me...No, we have a designated pillow that goes right under my tush as soon as we're done. Our doctor even said it can't hurt. Let me place this ever so beautiful image in your mind. Steve asks, "are you ready?" I say, "yes", and within seconds, he grabs me by my ankles, like a giant baby about to get their diaper changed, and stuffs the folded pillow under my tush, while I say, "Don't look at my butt, don't look at my butt!!!" *place hand over my butt*ok, at least I'm smiling right now :)
He then treats me like I'm at a spa, asks what he can get me...a drink, a magazine, my phone, what channel I'd like on tv...and I lay there for a good hour...like tonight (or this morning, being that it was 1am), for instance...it was pretty nice. Tuesday is my later night cleaning. Usually I come home and stuff some unhealthy junk down for dinner. I came home and Steve had dinner made. We ate together and talked. I took a nice shower and then business was taken care of. Insert pillow example above...he hands me my phone and for the next almost hour, I play games on my cell phone, read peoples blogs (hey, I totally might have commented on your blog tonight, in the "pillow position"), text with friends, go on facebook)...and watch the clock for an hour to pass while my legs get tired and Steve snores as loud as a hippo in heat. Still, I'm so thankful the 2 most important days, baby makin' wise are taken care of. Now, we can relax a little and not worry about which American Idol contestant our cats resemble. :)
Tuesday was much better than Monday and I know Wednesday will be much better than Tuesday. This week will get progressively better. Steve took off Friday and we are spending it together. I'm so looking forward to it. After today, I have the next few days free and I have some ideas to help me continue to get out of this funk!
Thank you everyone, for your kind words of encouragement on my last post...and for sharing in my crazy and ever changing journey! You guys rock! <3<3<3
I just keep telling myself, "It won't be like this for long"...
Ain't that the truth! (I need this fluffy!)
Happy Hump Day Everyone!
*Keepin' the FAITH
and thank you Marie, for helping to inspire this post and bring a :) to my day.