Honey I'm Home

 

 

 

 

"Honey I'm Home"  Shania Twain

Shania seems to like to help me tell my crazy day stories.  Let's not forget the post, "Any Man of Mine"

Yesterday...
Ohhh, Yesterday was a country song and then some...

But where my attitude was Bummersville in the beginning of the week, it's beginning to get back to normal. Normal, for me, is an array of moods throughout the day that change without notice. It might sound crazy...
and that's because
I AM! :)

I woke up on Wednesday well rested and feeling more energized and ready for my day. I was in pretty good spirits. Everything was going fine until I left the house. I'm really beginning to think I'm on some sick, long, drawn out version of candid camera. I stopped to get gas and as soon as I parked, a thunderstorm swept through. It was stinkin' steamy, humid, hotness today and the storm actually made it worse. My clothes were sticking to me, my hair - a ball of mess on top of my head, and I hadn't even started cleaning yet. Nothing like sweaty boobs and stuck to you jeans, to brighten your day. After I finished my first office, I got in my car, turned the key, and...NOTHING...wouldn't start. I didn't leave any lights on and literally had it inspected less than two weeks ago. Steve came to my rescue and jumped me it...(Sorry, that's another story) I kept my cool and almost had to laugh at my luck these past few days. So, we say goodbye and I headed to my next office. I finish that one about an hour and a half after the last, get in my car, and...NOTHING...WOULDN'T START!!

WAMP WAMP!!

Okay, at that point I'm starting to get cranky!! With no one left in the offices, my only hope is Steve, again. I felt so bad. He's had such long days this week. He gets right back in his car and drives to me, AGAIN! I call my Mom while I wait and tell her I'm running away...say my goodbyes and tell her I love her. Steve arrives and after a few minutes, realizes that I just need a new battery...that if he jumps the car, it will start and drive, but as soon as key is taken out, it won't start anymore. At this point, it's obviously too late to call a mechanic and Steve wants to take care of it anyway when he's off on Friday. I had one last office to clean. I breezed through that place so fast...I couldn't wait to get home.

While I'm finishing up, I get a text message from Kelly, "Is your day any better, I hope so"...and I snicker to myself, "ummm noooo"...About 5 minutes later she texts me that she forgot to tell me she had a weird dream last night, that she came with me to clean and my car wouldn't start. I'm thinking, "Whaaaaaat???" for a split second, I was freaked out. Kelly is a super psychic. I knew she couldn't have bumped into Steve because I had just talked to him. I told her she better be lying to me. Then I realized she probably saw my Mom somewhere. Yep! She ran into her at the grocery store....sneaky sneaky! ;)

If only it was possible that whatever Kelly dreamt, would come true. I'd tell her tonight, to make sure she dreams I wake up on a tropical island with a hat that dispenses never ending rum punch and that I fall into the most relaxing sleep in my personal cabana, while being fed grapes by the bushel. Hold on, how can I be eating grapes if I'm sleeping?! Ok, scratch that!! How bout, when I wake up there are a million, beautiful babies all running in the sand...and they are ALL MINE!! and while I'm at it, might as well throw in a few dozen kittens to my brood, that were just injected with a youth serum that makes them stay 5 weeks old FOREVER.

Kelly, get on it, girlfriend! I'm countin' on ya! :)

thank you, Kelly-Wow, that was fast!

uhh, so I google image seach, "cute kittens on the beach"...and no lie, this picture - my fantasy awaits me...hey, Kelly, how nice of you to join in on the saxaphone! I'm cracking up! :)

I promise you all, I'm not drunk. Just trying to make light of this hilarious day. But it didn't end quite there. O no, how could it. So with me driving the SUV, I had some leftover boxes from the offices to drop off to my Mom, who is moving (insert her country song another day). I drop em' off and head home. My stomach is grumblin' so loudly and I can't think about anything but...
TACO BELL!

I've got a weakness guys. I'm kinda ashamed to admit it, but Taco Bell makes me smile. It makes everything a bit better. So when I got home, Steve and I decided we needed "the bell" to complete our crappy day. He went out to pick it up...comes home, and says he has some bad news...I'm thinking, "NO, please don't tell me they ran outta fire sauce"...No, they didn't. Phewwww. Instead, Steve pulled into our driveway (our very tiny driveway) too fast and side swiped/hit the tree (Not some big OAK, a little Charlie Brown wimp, townhouse tree) in between our house and our neighbors. The Score - Tree-1/Steve's SUV-0. (and No, Steve wasn't drinking either...probably a mesh of delirious-ness, exhaustion and the fact that he couldn't wait to rip into that taco bell...and of course, our crappotastic luck)...So he has a dent in his front left bumper that he thinks he could hammer out, so we don't have to pay an arm and a leg. Luckily, all lights are fine, no paint off...just a nice dent.

what's this you ask...it's a box of heaven...3 lovely taco bell funky meat delights all for the low low price of $5...and you get a soda too...come on now, try it!!

But you know what, it's funny...not that I'm hip hip hooray'ing for our troubles with starting a family, but with all we have been through, silly things like a stalled out car, a dent, o so sweaty boobies...they are nothin'...nothin' I tell you. In the grand scheme of it all, it makes us really not sweat that small stuff. And I really am so grateful for that in a way. I mean, sure, I get pissy and angry and physchotic at times but really, all that little stuff doesn't matter at the end of the day.

Speaking of the end of the day...
So, Wednesday was lucky day 14...right smack dab in the middle of my cycle. And where my sources tell me that I probably ovulated early Wednesday and I know we covered our bases well, I still had a little angel devilvoice telling me to do the deed one more time. How was I ever going to get in the mood, let alone get Steve in the mood after such a long day and night and 2 guts full of funky meat surprise?! I didn't pull out my whistle and army boots and tell Steve to start marchin' upstairs to do the baby jig. Instead, I told him, how bout I give you a massage...(heh, heh, heh *evil laugh...hey, guys pull this trick all the time to try and get some) and...it worked! YAY!! so we are officially out of the not so flattering and stressful week of fertile-ness! :)
I'd say we each deserve a smiley star sticker and a cupcake!

I'm so thankful for being able to laugh at it all (a decent amount of the time)...and myself too. And as I mentioned in many posts, my Mom has really taught me this way of life since I was young. I'm so happy to have her sense of humor. Because if you can't laugh at it all, then what can you do?! There are going to be the days (and posts) I'm serious, I'm sad, down and tearful...days when I laugh so hard, sometimes even at things that are so far from funny, days I feel like pinch me-this is too good to be true...and everything in between. And at the end of the day...these are all the days that make up this crazy and fun life of mine.

I will leave you with a little story from the end of my night while I had "pillow hour" *if you're new, see last post :)

Jessica texted me and asked how I was "hangin' in there" and we quickly began our routine of aggresively texting/emailing. We like to share useless knowledge with each other and where I've majorly been slacking these past few months, there was a full year plus, where I would send Jessica a fact of the day, every single day. I had one for her tonight. Now here is an example, as I mentioned above, of something that is not funny at all...but in some ways, you just have to laugh. Who knows "The Quacker Factory Lady" from QVC? I didn't till earlier this year when Jess introduced me to her. She passed away earlier this month and Jess had no idea. When I told her, her response was, "SHUT UP!!!!!!!"...
In all seriousness, God Bless and Rest in Peace Miss Jeanne Bice. She seemed like a one of a kind, funky lady and she sure knew how to rock a bandana!

I fully admit to having mini-me versions of these when I was in grade school (just not quackfac) AND, I thought I was the hippest chic in town!
We LOVE her videos!

My faves are @ 22/23 secs when the host says, "pa-piee-yaaa" and @ 1min when the buttons are introduced.
if anyone is reading this and owns quacker factory clothes, please don't hate me.
Happy Thursday Everyone! Hope the end of your week is a WONDERFUL ONE!! <3<3<3

thank you for sharing in my funny, baby tryin' times and for laughing with me. 
thank you for letting me be me...no matter what kinda day i'm having or post I write, it's nice to know so many people can relate :)

*wishin' hopin' and prayin' for so very many of you

and hoping for a nice weekend with the man I love

"Honey, I'm Home"...

<3,
Maria