"Any Man of Mine" - Shania Twain
Come on' girls (and guys if you're reading)!!! Sing with me!! I know you all are awake past 2am, listening to Shania Twain, while your husband snores the whole house down!!
Who else is up blastin' hee haw country in their headphones at this time because they decided to take an 8 pm nap for almost 2 hours? I know I am!!
It was such a BUSY weekend!! More work than play...so I decided to have my own little party right now! :) I covered all of my boss' shifts over the weekend, while he was out! I spent most of my time, scrubbing, mopping, vacuuming, taking a trillion, take the trash out trips and feeding 3 stray office kitties 8 tons of cat food. I went to bed at 10:30 Friday night! (This happens maybe once a year). I finished almost all of the offices Saturday, came home and all I wanted to do was relax on the couch with Steve. Sunday morning we woke up early and helped our friends move into their new house. Steve was a sweetie and put on his SuperMr shirt and helped me finish my last few offices afterwards...and a couple hours later, I konked out! Man, I respect my boss even more...I don't know how he does it!!
Backtracking to Friday...we had our doctor's appointment. I have to say out of all of them over time, this had to be the most funny, awkwardly embarrassing appointments of them all! After our visit, Steve said, "Are you going to blog about this? hahaha I know you are...with a devilish smile!"
Yes, Steve...Yes I am...it is too mortifying and hilarious not to!
and NO everybody, get your mind out of the gutter...I didn't toot on my Dr! ;)
It just so happens this little skit tells the details of our visit and the funny story all at once...
So ladies, we all know the routine at the OB or RE...
Rn - "Ok hun, undress from waist down and I'll be in shortly"
Steve sits down in seat on left side of me
Me -(As always)undress at the speed of light and hop onto bed/table, grab the neatly folded square that is my paper blanket and throw it over me, scoot my butt down, bc if you don't, we all know the dr is going to tell us to anyway...feet in stirrups, hands crossed on stomach and wait for the Rn to come in
Rn - enters room, turns light off, stands to right of me,"Hi, how are we doing today?" chit chattin away, as she knows us well now...starts my normal internal ultrasound to check my follicles to see size and when to expect ovulation. tells me which side is "on vacation" and which is active
*I surprisingly have 2 possible eggs on my left side and ovulation looks like it will be around Tuesday! Great, considering I'm on no meds again! I have always had internal ultrasounds...even when pregnant, because when I was in 1st trimester, the only way to see anything was with that o so lovely lil' attractive wand ma jiggy that I sometimes wonder, if gets more action than some hubbies do!? ;)
Ok, so this is where I start to get really, REALLY confused...
Rn - finishes measuring the follicles on screen, starts printing out pictures, puts the wand ma jiggy away (which has always been her cue to leave and mine to get dressed) But no, she then says, "Ooo wait, I'm so sorry...I forgot...I need to take a picture of your outside for the Dr"...literally says, "your outside" (maybe I should have understood but I didn't LOL)
Rn then hands me another blanket that is folded into a square (so imagine, it's pretty DARN BIG)...she then says, "here, while I get set up, I'll give you this to wipe off with" and turns to the corner where I imagine she's whippin up a batch of craziness!!
Me - thinking to myself, "MY OUTSIDE???!!"..."What does she mean my outside?!!" "Wait, is she really going to take a picture of my...(we'll go with HOO HAA...I don't care for the "V" word) HOO HAA??!!"...look over at Steve and his face matches mine...HUH??! with big smirks across our faces!
*Ok, I'm totally laughing out loud so hard right now while I write this!
Me - in a matter of 20 seconds, think to myself, "WHAT IS SHE DOING??????!!!!! Is she loading up her lil' polaroid camera to take a pic of me, down there!!?? Is she going to file this photo in some sick little Trapper Keeper of patient's "outside photos"???? and I guess this blanket is to wipe off all the 5,975 lbs. wand ma jiggy goo that's leftover??!...because I really need a blanket, not a tissue to wipe, right??!!"
SO...with the Rn's back to me...and a feeling of helplessness...
I sit up, look at Steve, shaking from trying not to bust out laughing and then...
with my tushy shakin in the wind, I half stand up and use this human sized sheet of paper to "wipe myself"...AWKWARD! WEIRD! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? looking at Steve, cracking up!! steve dying laughing covering his face, like what's about to take place here? thankfully, it's at least somewhat dark...
Rn - turns around, me wiping away and she busts out laughing and says, "OOOO Noooooo hunny, that is for your tummy...I need to take a picture of your uterine lining and was going to do an outer ultrasound so you wouldn't get that pesky wand again...and I wanted you to be able to wipe off all the gel afterwards. But you can use it for that too!" MORE LAUGHTER
Steve - Slaps his hand loudly to his forehead, shakes his head and dies in laughter!!!
Me-OOOhhhh OOOOO OOOOOOO(remember that hyena witch cackle I mentioned before?) imagine that in FULL EFFECT!
I'm pretty sure the women in the waiting room were terrified of what was going on in our room!! It didn't sound pretty!
I think Steve must have imitated me at least 20 times this weekend!!!
I laughed myself the whole way home!
I AM A DITZ...I admit that 100%...but even Steve agreed, he had no idea what was going on and thought the same thing as I did!
ok, maybe we're both ditsy!
Thank you to that "Man of Mine" for laughing with me and not at me...or maybe a little bit of both :)
phewwww I LOVE pictures, but those I can definitely do without, THANK YOU!
Wow...ok, deep breath...
So after that whole shindig, we talked to our Doctor. He told us to come back Monday (today) and we will do another ultrasound so see if ovulation will be on Tuesday or Wednesday, like he expects. We are going to do another IUI(our 4th, so far) and are hoping that those 2 eggs both release. He told us to "take care of business" this weekend in hopes to cover all our bases and to use ovulation tests so we could really keep an eye on things. Grrr...I hadn't used them in almost 14 months because of how crazy they can make me and was proud of myself. I took the doctor's orders because deep down I agreed and I'm feeling aggressive. I purchased this $22 box of fun...(hey @ least it comes with a free digital hpt)
I used to use digital ovulation tests and after chatting with a few ladies about their experiences, I took the recommendation, that bc I was so close, it would be better to see progression leading up to it rather than possibly miss it all together with the digitals *thank you, katharine! :)
I never feel anymore that I need to use them because our ultrasounds tell us the exacts but because it could have come early over the weekend, the doctor didn't want to chance us missing it.
We have our appointment later this morning and I will definitely update once we have our IUI, sometime this week!
I'm looking forward to this week...getting stuff taken care of and the long holiday weekend! The beginning of the 2 week wait, which I will be nice n busy for. thankful for some good laughs now, that I might be needing again, in the near future!
Ladies, next time you're at the dr's, remember...just say no to "outside photos"!!
I'm sure Steve and I...AND our Rn, will be laughing a bit later! If you hear a witch cackle, you know where it's coming from!! :)
HAPPY HAPPY MONDAY!
Much Love to YA!!
ladies, any funny or humiliating ob/re stories you have, feel free to share or email me them :)