Breathe

 

 

"Breathe" - Anna Nalick



Before driving home the other day, I went through some old cds scattered in my car, for a change of music. I found alot that brought me back to the times when I remember listening to them often. This song helped get me through a pretty big part of my life...
And I think alot of people can relate...


"'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe" (Anna Nalick)

I tell myself this every single day...

Just Breathe.

Whether it's during a heated moment, an awkward situation, a lengthy cry or just an average day in my life...

It helps.

Our two week wait has officially begun. Last month's 2ww went pretty smoothly and with a negative ending, I still felt ok. Whatever it is that's different this time, I don't know...but I want to know NOW. Maybe it's because I was a good girl last month. Maybe I'm trying to bargain with myself that I'm allowed to have one good month and one bad month. And if that's the case, then I get to be a little impatient.

Just Breathe.

I don't want to test too early. I really don't. Holding out to a reasonable day last month showed me it can save me from a bunch of yucko days. Previous posts prove I have the temptation in the house already...(darn free digital and leftovers from me being good last month)
I can promise I won't be testing till at least 10 days past ovulation but I'd love to make it to 12/13dpo. The very first time I found out I was pregnant, I actually waited to test on the day my period was due. How did I ever do that? And now, I sometimes want to break down a week early.


I think I may have been on candid camera the past few times at the doctors. Wednesday's appointment for IUI was a bit different than ones in the past. While the nurse walked us back to our room, I could see my doctor in his office talking to a young guy, probably a few years younger than me. I thought, "o boy, I bet an intern...watch him be helping today"... As they prepared the goods, (which the rn showed us a sample under the microscope, it was awesome...a whole gang of them zig zaggin' around) As I lay on the bed for a good 20 some minutes, we could hear our dr talking to him.

In walks our Dr and in walks intern. YAY! another fun moment for me and my hoo haa! He was a super nice guy and I actually felt bad for him. We could tell he felt a bit uncomfortable...I'm sure between the situation in general and my husband sitting right there. Dr introduces him and tells me the intern is going to "prep" me. Basically use the equivalent to one of those big chrome, spinny wine openers and get me set for the catheter of the guys! Mr doctor is a pro. He has great bedside manner. He manages to get the job done in the blink of an eye. The intern was shaking, literally. I mean, it's one thing to be a new waiter/ress and have your trainer standing over your shoulder while you read the specials to a table, or cutting someone's hair for the first time...BUT...doing what he was doing, with his mentor standing over him and a hoo haa in his face...not fun...not so cool...
and for me TOO! I was beginning to feel alot of pressure and cramps...

Just Breathe.

Steve came over to me and held my hand and gave me a sympathetic look. I kept concentrating on the butterfly mobile above me...counting, one lil, two lil, three lil butterflies...but those 6 butterflies weren't enough ...I needed at least 147...the intern was taking forever to get me set. To the point where my dr leans over and is showing him exactly what to do, and I'm like, "Hi, I'm hoo haa Marino...nice to meet you both"...luckily, my dr then said, "I will take it from here...I know this cervix like the back of my hand"...boy and I glad he said, "cervix"!! And then in a matter of a minute, it was all done. I really have no shame when it comes to this stuff but it was quite awkward with 2 guys all up in my business, having a conversation down there...
ha!!

Yay!! Glad that's over with!

Thursday, one little day past ovulation...but such a sweet little day it was.

I spent the day with Kelly and her daughters. We shopped at Home Goods...Kelly pushing Chloe in her cart and me pushing Addison in mine. Addison helped me find the perfect gifts for Jessica's belated birthday. Everything was "Beauuuutiful" and "Ohh that's adorable"...she is such a smart, funny, awesome little girl. I told Kelly how nice it was to walk around pushing Addison while being able to talk out my thoughts and get some honest feedback. She told me, "those napkins aren't cute, Mimi...don't get them" lol. She even spotted the most perfect little gift that had Jess' name written all over it! In case you're reading, Jessica loved it, Addison! ;)

We chowed down at Wegman's and wiped our sweaty foreheads!! It was close to 90 degrees today...wooo weee!

Chloe enjoying a snack while we shop. She is the sweetest bundle of love! love the footies!!

my lover girls

Me and Kelly
<3 We went over Jess and Ed's for dinner and some quality Me and Jessica and Ed and Steve time. We laugh at our men. 2 pizzas ordered. The guys pick them up, come home and within 7 minutes, just as Jessica and I finishing gabbing in the other room...we find Ed and Steve with empty plates and a whole pizza already finished! LOL...It's kinda cute though...to see how close they've gotten over the years and to see 2 grown men, creating their characters on a wrestling game, eyes glued to the TV, throwing virtual punches and jabs Um, how stinkin funny is this...They created the beefymeatball version of themselves...it's crazy how much these video games allow you to really make a character look exactly like you

MeatSteve and Edball...and yes, if you look closely, Steve gave himself some vampire fangs...LOL...

The real deal

Jessica's Birthday flowers and gifts

Jessica and I sat and chatted and she opened her presents. I love finding the perfect little gifts for someone. I love how the littlest things mean the most. I joked with her, she wasn't allowed to cry at her card, because we have a ritual of crying no matter what, every time we read each other's card. We are so much alike. We appreciate the littlest details. She can take a tiny little box and find 100 different ways to describe it. We can talk and talk and TALK...hours can pass and somehow we've managed to start 27 different conversations but only finish 3.

Me and Jessica

I had to get a pic of this photo @ her house...Jessica and I 16 years ago...after a field trip w/our new shades...

Me and the Mr

Maybe it's the caffeine I had or maybe it's all the thoughts in my mind...but I could keep typing and typing...

I don't know exactly why, but all I know is it feels right...for me to write it all out...put it all out there...with nothing to lose. To be able to freely write about everything from my everyday occurrences, my goals, my dreams...to my heartaches, my funny stories and my most intimate moments...
they're all right here...
In front of me...
In front of you...

And it just makes sense to me...

"2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"

Happy Friday <3 Have a wonderful and fun weekend... and when all else fails... Just Breathe.

<3 Maria