Friday, May 13, 2011

Blue


 
 
"Blue" - Leanne Rimes



Since Blogger was having problems yesterday and everyone's posts got erased...I'm writing a quick, as much as I can remember and write in 20 minutes "Blue" post...I bet they will all get restored as soon as I'm done. ha!

My Wednesday morning went a little like this...

1.) a lovely little negative...I must have checked back for 20 minutes to see if there was even the faintest of lines...Nope, NADA!

2.) A text to Steve after testing...(at least the poo was smiling)

3.) threw some clothes on, didn't even shower, met my boss at a window cleaning job at a $2 million dollar mansion, when we get there find out owners won't be home to let us in at all, boss gets front of house, I get back, inside a shed cleaning windows that haven't been cleaned in for...ev..er with dead bugs everywhere, standing in pot while cleaning because no room for my feet, up to the deck to start on the doors, squeegee left, start to press squeegee on right and WEEEEEE DOOOOO WEEEEE DOOOOO, door creeks open a little and house alarms goes off, run like a chicken to find boss, boss on 25ft. ladder swinging to right and left as he's listening to me, tells me it's owners fault but I still feel so bad, cops come, they laugh at me with my giant squeegee in hand and water marks all over inappropriate places on my shirt, take my info, no citation thankfully, clean windows for a couple more hours...then outta there!!

Moral of the story...I truly understand the old saying "I don't do windows", watch where you place a wet squeegee and there's nothing like a negative pregnancy test to start your day off right!

It could be worse...way worse. My boss and I were laughing at how when days start off out of sorts, they usually end up the same. As the day went on I started to think about how I'm not pregnant. I called Steve and had a pity party for a good 25 minutes, wiped my mascara covered face after, and told myself to knock it off!! I came home to an array of "boo I'm not pregnant foods" and a huge iced coffee that I told Steve I was craving earlier. Out of our five pregnancies, the most it's ever taken Steve and I are 2 cycles...I know, not as easy for many. We can't always get it on the first or second try. Like I've said before, the hardest part about not getting pregnant, is knowing that it's another month until we find out if we are again...and with our slim odds of a pregnancy sticking, it just makes it tougher and sometimes scary. We know we can't change DNA. We can hope. We can pray. We can know that we will know when enough is enough and it is time to move to the next chapter. And that is not right now...

So...

We are going to try again this cycle. I will call my doctor when my period arrives and figure out this month's plan together. Steve and I talked tonight and we feel exactly the same on our approach this cycle. I'm feeling much better than I did last cycle when getting a negative. Today wasn't the greatest, but tomorrow will be better. I'm letting myself feel a little "blue" at the moment...thinking about those 2 littles lines of hope that I hope I get to see soon.

"3'oclock in the mornin'...Here am I
sitting here so lonely...so lonely I could cry"

"Blue...so lonesome for you"

May is a good month...I have a lot to keep me busy...lots of extra cleaning for my boss while he has surgery...birthdays and celebrations...

I see better days, a martini, girl's nights, fun times with the ones I love, long walks, sunny runs, much hope and many prayers in my future

Krimpet says, "Go to Bed!"
GoodnightMorning Everyone!

Have a Happy and Positive Thursday! <3

*ladies, in case you didn't see my comment...thank you so much for the support and encouragement! I am hoping and praying for all of us that we see those 2 lines very soon! <3

6 comments:

MrsV said...

Eeekk! I probably woulda peed my pants for setting off that alarm lol
Sorry about your bfn :( Im pretty sure I'm out this round as well. I think I saw something in a previous post that your doctor mentioned your body getting "smarter" about getting pregnant, hopefully this is the case and you'll get your positive and success soon <3

Mrs. E said...

I'm sorry about your bfn (and alarm experience!) I know it's tough, but I'm rooting for you. Tons of sticky BFP vibes heading your way... Keep up your positive attitude--it's amazing :)

Maria said...

Like I always do after getting a BFN, I look up what my next due date would be. It looks like we are almost on the same cycle so, how does a Valentine's baby sound? Gavin was born on 2/14/08 and I happen to LOVE his super cool birthday!

Katharine said...

Big ((hugs))! I hate a BFN, so sorry about that. My fingers are crossed that next cycle is your lucky cycle for a healthy baby!

Maria said...

thank you ladies, for all the support and encouragement!! <3
lots of hope and prayers to everyone for BFP blessings very soon!

Luck said...

Big ((hugs))! I hate a BFN, so sorry about that. My fingers are crossed that next cycle is your lucky cycle for a healthy baby!

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