"Crazy Girl" Eli Young Band
*this post will probably be nothing short of crazy and here, there and everywhere....
just like me
I'm giving myself a short break in between cleaning this wreck of a downstairs. I'm finding great deals of feel-good endorphins as the house is slowly getting back to normal. But, let's face it...I'm crazy as ever with everything going on. Luckily, my period and cramps have slowed down, but my mind is just full of a mix of raging questions and emotions. Is it really Wednesday already? Again, no idea what day it is even though I just said it's Wednesday. The busy weekend seemed to blend into one VERY extended, sweat infused day! How our house got so messy, with us barely even being home this past week, I don't know. But, you know it's bad when your husband says, "Maria, why is your bra on the kitchen counter?" Which, I quickly retorted back, "Well, why is your toothbrush on a plate in the kitchen?"...
How is it that when we're home often, the house looks pretty put together, but when we are so beyond busy, it looks like a stampede of buffalo just charged through it!? To answer Steve's question, my bra was in the kitchen because after I finally got home at 2:30 Monday morning, from finishing up moving my Mom, I just had to let them loose while I made myself something to eat. Steve was upstairs, dead asleep after a strenuous weekend of moving...I was too full of adrenaline to go to bed and decided to have a classy late night bubble bath, complete with a can of Fresca and a "nasty Smart Ones dinner"...
Oh yea, I totally ate it in the bathtub and I'm not gonna lie, a few pieces of the rice fell in and joined me...HA!
Let's backtrack to Friday, since I didn't post about it on Monday. Friday, I woke up ready to enjoy the day. With the jam packed next two days ahead, it was wonderful to spend it with Kelly and her girls and soak up some sun (or haze for that matter) at the pool.
Kelly Addison and Chloe after a long dip in the pool
As children, Kelly and I always used to go to the pool. It was the highlight of my summers. Spending days keeping cool, excited to play "can you guess what I'm saying underwater?" and "count how many flips I do"...
All the days we'd take turns plotting the perfect ways to ask our Moms if we could have a sleepover...and then run back to each other in the pool, screaming with glee because they said yes!! Those were the days.
Pretty in pink, bathing beauties, Addison and Chloe
It was so refreshing, even if there were probably 53 different kids peeing in the pool, maybe even sneaking out a little turd ball or two (yes, I did just say turd ball)...And, I don't just mean refreshing, as in cool...I mean in a relaxing, fun, take-it-all-in kinda way.
Chloe takin' a lunch break
Me and sippin' Chloe...(look at that grass, ewww, we need more rain!)
It was such a fun time!
Saturday is where the days began to blend, give all our muscles quite the work out and just plain make us all a little crazier. I woke up early, knocked out 4 offices and was feeling good...glad I cleaned, but kinda wishing I didn't tell my boss I'd do so much extra because I still had more to do Sunday. Long story short or short story long, perhaps...moving my Mom to my Nani's was a joy (sarcasm). I'm so proud of Steve and actually a little turned on (hahaha, ok, not like that) but when I see Steve get all physical, really bust his butt and just be generous to others, I feel so good. He took this whole weekend and did nothing but help, lift, drive back and forth and do the real heavy stuff my Mom and I just couldn't do. Steve is the first to admit, he hates to work out. He loves to watch sports but hasn't been involved in them for years. And though he sits in an office all day and goes to work dressed in slacks (ha, I said slacks) and dress shirts, I like it most when he's in shorts and a tee shirt.
Behind the man who isn't ashamed to say, his favorite past time is eating cheesy poofs in his knee socks and boxers, is a man of strength and generosity. My Mom and I couldn't believe the stuff he was picking up by himself. There's a Hulkamaniac hiding underneath there. So, he got out his trusty moving harness and him and my brother, Nicholas got to moving all the gigantic stuff...and trust me, there was a lot of stuff! Yea, he totally backed up the UHAUL truck into my grandmother's front yard and let the ramp out on her front steps. No messin' around there.
Steve and Nicholas being burly men.
When I woke up Sunday, I still didn't feel too bad. I went and cleaned 3 more offices and with the stinkin' UHAUL company needing their truck returned by 9am, it was just our SUV and my Mom's to do the rest of the moving...boxes, boxes, more boxes and CLOTHES!!! CLOTHES galore. My Mom has spent her whole summer getting my grandmother's house cleaned and her own packed and ready to go and I think we all just wanted to cry at this point. Moving is so stressful...*AHHHHHHHH* *pulls hair out of head*
We had a little break Sunday night before heading back to finish and I came into our house and *angels singing* Steve was downstairs in our basement with it completely set up. It is unfinished and I had spent a whole few days last year making it nice and organized. Not a room you could do anything in, but nice n' neat. Well, over time it kinda got a mess again between everything. But Sunday, I open the door, look into the basement, and there is Steve, sitting on the couch with the coffee table set up, all our boxes and storage put neatly away in the back where you can't even see and our exercise machines set up. I cried. Yep people, it's official...I CRY AT EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING IN THIS WORLD! I melted into his arms and we just hugged and had a "this weekend was worth it" moment. He thanked my Mom for motivating him to keep on keepin' on and took her organizing tips and put em' to use and now, our basement, though not the "man cave" Steve dreams of someday or the "extra hang out/playroom" I dream of...it is functional and an extra room to "escape" to.
So, after Steve and I made another good 4 or 5 trips, helped get my Mom out of her house and into her new one...Steve went home and got some sleep and I stayed a few more hours. Hence, taking bra off in kitchen and eating in the tub. I was pooped to the max.
But, just like my last post illustrated, it was if the weekend never happened after waking up to yet, another period on Monday...the disappointment and hurt...and all the anger. Infertility and loss has shown me what it's made of. It's bullied me at times.
It's made of a type of pain that could never compare to any scrape, cut or bruise. But it bruises your heart, it scrapes you around the floor one too many times, it cuts to the deepest part of your heart and soul...and in some crazy way, it shows beauty...
The beauty of strength. The beauty of being able to take what's being thrown at you and make it through. The beauty of not giving up.
And just like moving was long and grueling and seemed like it would never end...
And the pain I'm feeling that started on Monday...the pain that has made me ask more questions...
It gets a little better each day so far.
The title of this post, "Crazy Girl" couldn't be more appropriate. I'm crazy. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm fearless. I'm hurting. I'm relaxed. Did I mention, I'm crazy? Can I really be all these things at once? I think I can. I think we all are and if we try to just be one...that's just not normal, now is it?...
I'm so thankful for my husband....that he's so supportive. He lets me cry, scream, blubber on and on about the same darn things until I lose my breath. He lets me constantly turn the shoulders of his shirts black with my eye makeup. He somehow knows through his wildebeest snores in the middle of the night, that I'm not asleep...instead crying my eyes out next to him and he reaches an arm out to pull me close. He knows I'm crazy. He understands. He might wish I could turn it all off sometimes, but he knows it's all for the better. When I start to cry and he's across the room, I catch him look at me and the look in his eyes breaks my heart but at the same time fills it with so much love because I know we are right on that same exact page...and I'm so thankful to be his crazy girl.
"I wouldn't last a single day
I'd probably just fade away
Without you I'd lose my mind"
I will leave you with some pictures of a much needed Girl's Breakfast yesterday morning.
Me, Jessica, Addison, Kelly and Chloe :)
Jessica and Addison practicing her yoga :)
Me Kelly and Chloe!
Us girls, we got a little crazy and had some fun after we filled our bellies with eggs, toast and grits.
Funny Face Contest
She must get it from her Mommy ;) They made the same face! :)
I helped Chloe :) She wins the title for Cutest Silly Face! (love Addison's face in the background!)
I'm thankful for this fast movin' week...even if I don't know what day it is. It is bringing us closer to those sweet ten days off. Would you know, we don't even know everything we're going to do with it. But, I kinda like it like that. Ready to do some planning tonight and take in a wonderful day tomorrow. I'm gonna cry through it, I'm gonna laugh through it...I'm gonna be crazy ole' me.
So many of you touched my heart with all your sweet words on my last post. I can't thank you all enough for your prayers. Through all the tears and pain, it is a comfort to know people get you. And I'm here for so many of you.
So, with that note...
I'll be back later this week with more. Happy Wednesday Everyone!