Sunday, May 6, 2012

Feels Like Today

"Feels Like Today" - Rascall Flatts

I'm feeling very much like these two right now.
I'm wrapped up in an over sized bath towel, comfy and warm and ready to get some sleep.
This vampire has turned into a professional snoozer.  And as unfamiliar as this new schedule is to me, I cherish every bit of it.  It not only gives my body strength, but it continues to restore the hope and faith within me.

My second bloodwork appointment was on Thursday morning - 6 days after my first one
There were a good 4-6 hours standing between the time I left the doctor's office and the time I'd receive the call.  It was in the back of my mind all day, but an impromptu walk downtown with my friend, Kim, on the damp and dreary day, quickly set me in a more positive mindset.

I think I asked her about 58 times if she thought the call back was going to be a good one.  Every time she replied, "Yes, this is it, is."  And deep down I believed it too.
It was just mustering up enough courage to answer the phone when it rang hours later that was weighing heavy on me.
I came home and tried to nap on the couch.  I was in and out of sleep...the kind where you close your eyes and in 3 seconds, start having the most absurd dream and then wake up, only to fall back and start an even more demented one.

And somewhere mid-afternoon, my phone rang.  And I shot up, took a quick gulp of water to help take away the dryness in my mouth, and I answered - my heart beating through my chest, fist clenched around my water bottle, crushing it in the middle.  I felt dizzy.  I knew that in less than 5 seconds I would learn crucial news...
News that could take my heart to one of two extremes.
Either my hcg doubled appropriately in the past 6 days, or it did not. The nurse had told me earlier, she wanted to see my hcg somewhere close to 600.

Her cheerful first words came through the phone like music to my ears.

"Maria, it's Lisa, Guess What?!"

I could sense excitement and happiness and my heart raced faster.

"You know I wanted to see your hcg somewhere near 600?!"

"Welllll, it was 1,258!"
"And your progesterone went from 15 to 27."
"All of us are so happy for you!  Now, call Steve, relax and you enjoy your weekend, hun."

I sat frozen.  Amazed almost.  Like I was back in my nap, but only I was having the sweetest of dreams.  I wanted to cry but I couldn't.  All I could do was repeat thank you over and over again. 

(ps-about 734 people think it's twins.  my gut says one or maybe two.)

Something came over me as soon as I got off the phone.  I can't truly put it into words.  But I guess it's because it's something I've never truly experienced after such an important appointment.  
 I feel full. 
 Full of hope and strength.
And faith.
When all you know is one way,  and then you finally get that first taste of the other way...
It's so surreal and such a beautiful feeling.

These past few days carried me to a new place of peace.  It really hit me Friday night when I was alone with my thoughts getting ready for bed.  I had a good and grateful cry. I just feel it in my bones...
This is good.

Love continually poured into our weekend...

A day spent with Miss Chloe


I just wanted to hear her say "chooooes"

We made an apple/pizza/cucumber/hamburger/french fry stew. It was delicious. 

Chloe got out her doctor kit and immediately started my check up. 

she took my blood pressure.

She sometimes points to my belly and asks me if there's a baby in there, because her Mommy has one in hers.
It felt amazing to say yes this time.
Dr. Chlo Chlo gave baby Marino an A+


My mom, Steve, my brother, and I went into town for First Friday to see if we could win us some tickets for our country station's anniversary show.
#417, 418, 419 and 587 weren't so lucky.
Looks like we will be hoppin' around for some winning numbers.

Hi mom.

A double dose of this bunch <3

Chloe couldn't wait to share her sorbet with Steve.


Next stop, Mexican food!
Senorita Debbie

I've missed you, enchiladas mole

My mom spoils her grandkitties.

These boys had a fun filled day at Cigar Fest. 

lazy mornings

We took a drive to Baltimore today to meet Jamie and Leslie's beautiful new addition...

She loved Steve.  He was the baby whisperer.

I don't know if you know this...
but I love babies.  I love holding them.  I love burping them.
I love kissing them. (so much, that if you notice, my lipstick stained is on poor Parker's head, to the side of her ear.)

Leslie snapped it right at mid-yawn :)

Tilly was a bit jealous.

We are so thrilled for these 3. <3

When I wake up, I will be 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

We have our first ultrasound today.  Just typing that gives me butterflies.

It's still early, but we will be able to at least see the gestational sac.

I don't feel scared.  I don't feel anxious.

I feel something incredible happening, and...

"It feels like today."

Lovin' Each and Every Day,


waitingforarainbow said...

I literally JUST commented your last post, and after pushing submit, your page refreshed with a whole new post! Our vampy minds are obviously on the same page tonight... no pun intended. Haha oh jeez, my jokes are getting worse, and worse. I think I am starting to tell the MOM jokes.
Omg Maria, I literally had the most negative, awful day in the world today. Reading your post, lifted me right back up to where I needed to be (and so did the 50 cookies I just ate) your positivity is contagious. Your excitement is overwhelming! I am so so happy for you.
When you said, "when all you know is one way, and then you finally get that first taste of the other way" I got goosebumps.
I am so excited for your ultrasound tomorrow! It just makes me think back to the video of you getting your IUI, and looking at the ultrasound screen, saying, "One day we will see you here." tomorrow is that day!
OMG! AHHHHH I love you, I LOVE YOU ! I could just dance around my living room right now :)
Can't wait to see pictures of baby to be!!

Melissa said...

I am so excited for you my friend! I wish you a day full of smiles, joy, and only happy tears if you must shed any at all <3

Kathy Radigan said...

I'm so happy for you Maria. I was reminded of my pregnancy with our first child and finding out that my numbers were so high. After all our losses the nurse was so excited and so was I, but then I remember stopping and saying, are they too high? I just wasn't use to getting good news on the phone and was waiting for the next shoe to drop! Hard to believe that that baby is 13!! And, that he would be joined by 2 more children!! Enjoy your ultrasound! Sending so many good thoughts, prayers and love to you my friend!!! xoxo

KERRY said...

Ahhh Maria!!! You gave me goosebumps with this post!! I am so happy for you guys, words cannot say how happy I am. You look great, tiredness is good, the new baby look looks awesome on you both :)
You deserve this, lap it up!!! Oh and best you start preparing those furbabies of yours lol, there's a change coming!
Have a wonderful day, enjoy the ultrasound, and keep smiling...xo

Rebecca said...

GL at your ultrasound today!!! Can't wait to see some pics :)

M said...

YAY!!! I'm so happy your hcg not only went up but was double what they wanted it to be. Fingers crossed it's twins :)

Good luck at the u/s excited to see pics!

Kiara Buechler said...

I will echo what waitingforarainbow said, your positivity is contagious! You have given me such hope this month, so much that I am now having dreams that I too am pregnant. Have fun at your appointment today, I know it will be stressful, but once you see that little bebe you will be a-okay :-)

Jenny said...

So happy for you, can't wait to hear how your u/s goes!

Heather @ A Little Hope in My Pocket said...

Yay for a great number!!! Praying for a great u/s as well.

Gumdrop Pass said...

SOOO excited and happy for you! I hope you had (or will have) an AH-mazing time at your ultrasound today! :)

I've been thinking about you a lot! <3 I'm glad you've been enjoying your slumber! :)

Carlia said...

WOW! what a great number! good luck with the ultrasound! can't wait to hear how it goes! i am so so so so so so so so so so happy for you!!!!! (is the excitement coming through? i could use more exclamations points, if needed.) ;)

Rachel said...

So exciting! I am betting it is twins! I am so happy for you and I can't wait to hear how the ultrasound goes. Annabelle sends her love.

Maria said...

I wish I lived closer. I would love to be able to help you pass the time until you get to meet your little one(s). That and you always seem to have the best food! ;)

Heather Nelsen said...

Oh Maria!! The news just keeps getting better! When will you know for sure if it is one or two?!! So so excited for you guys!!!!! Can't wait for more unpdates!!

Ashley said...

Yeah for so many exciting things!! I am go glad that your numbers are soo high! My first thought was twins too but I am sure you are getting tired of hearing that. :) Beautiful new little one that you got the chance to meet... and the picture was made even better by your lipstick smears!

I almost ordered enchiladas mole the other night but I have never tried them and was afraid I wouldn't like them. How are they?

I can't wait to hear all about your ultrasound!!

lots of hugs and luck to you!

~Jess said...

YAy! It is an amazing feeling to go from having no hope and feeling lost, to realizing there is hope, that this IS happening!

So, so happy for you guys!

Kristina said...

Oh Maria!!!! So so excited and thrilled for you!! Praising God for this special news!! Xoxo

Olivia- wife. mother. photographer. said...

I wanted so bad to say on your last post that reading your words brought me back to the beginning of this pregnancy... I remember even writing, "I live for today, and today I am pregnant" basically exactly what you had written.

And I wanted sooo bad to say... Maria this is it, you are going to get THAT phone call and it's going to be GOOD, I just know it. But I restrained myself, because I've also been on the other side... when the phone call wasn't good and the numbers were bad. And well, I can't predict the future but my feeling in my gut was... THIS IS IT!

And I'm soooo happy my gut feeling was right, I am so happy for you!

I am so happy we are going through this time together!!!

molly brett said...

Oh, Maria. So unbelievably excited for you. I haven't followed your blog too much since I quite facebook and it was such perfect timing to check it tonight (you gave me a little hope). Yay! Thanks for always putting yourself out there and congratulations. So happy for you.

Breakfast With the Bennetts said...

Congratulations on your BFP! I just got mine today so we are cycle buddies! Woohoo!

Judy Haughton-James said...

Yippee! I am here so happy that you got good news Maria! You deserve it so much! Guess what?! I am hoping you will eventually be told that you are expecting twins!:) Singleton or twins I hope everything goes very well and you are going to make a wonderful mother. As always the pictures are beautiful. Congratulations to your friends and their new baby. Take care and as always I send lots of love, friendship and best wishes to you all the way from Jamaica. Have a great week Maria!

MrsV said...

Anxiously awaiting to hear how your ultrasound went :D
Hope you are doing well <3
Ps I think there's more than one ;)

Our Journey Through This Lovely Life said...

Maria! I am so excited to hear how your ultrasound went! and I love this post! actually I love all of your posts! haha! I just wanted to wish you extra special good luck today! I hope and pray it all went fabulous!

Irish Carter of Dedicated 2 LIFE said...

I think your story of faith and hope is miraculous and I keep thinking I have met you for all the right reasons on my own journey. But this post is not about me, its all for you Maria. I'm still trying to stop crying over the video in your other post I just watched. I hope we continue to get to know each other and grow in friendship. God Bless this JOURNEY you are on. OK, I am sobbing again. Gotta go!


LOVE MELISSA:) said...

YOU ARE PREGNANT MARIA!!! Keep telling yourself and enjoy every second! It truly is a beautiful journey. Steve and you look like such naturals. I could not be any happier for you. I can't wait to hear about the ultrasound. You brightened up my day when I got your text! xoxo

Erin said...

Maria, woo hoo for high hcg numbers! I've been praying for you and so excited for you! Your faith and positive attitude is a shining example to many. I can't wait to hear about your ultrasound! Reading your post just makes me HAPPY!!!
Love ya!

Mrs. JRose said...

Maria, this is a little late, but I'M SO ECSTATIC FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl, this chapter in your life is going to be so amazing and I know you are going to be a wonderful Mama!!!! I'm so happy for you and hubby! I cried when I was reading your latest blogs...I so know exactly how you are feeling right now and you and baby will be in my prayers! I can't wait to read your future blogs especially the ones in the third trimester when the "joy" of pregnancy really hits!! LOL!!! Enjoy!!! Love from California!

waitingforarainbow said...

I forgot to tell you in my last comment, how much I LOVE your hair in the picture of you and Steve. The one where you have a side ponytail, and a flower in it, it's so pretty!!! Not to mention you're glowing already:)
I just got your comment, and you're sooo right! We will help each other get through these next 9 weeks! Actually, it's 8 and a half now;)
I was laying in bed the other night, trying to figure out how far along you'll be when I have Haven! You will be SO far along ohmygoodness...
If only we were neighbors. Getting you through the first trimester, and me through my final one, would be a breeze.
I am counting down the days for your next ultrasound! It's making time go by slow for me lol. I want it to be Monday NOW! I just know you're going to be on cloud 9 all over again. That amazing feeling you get after appointments that we talked about- get used to them. :)) It's seriously better than any other high life has to offer <3

Nora C said...

Hi, I am your newest follower on GFC, I found you on the Thirsty Thursday Blog Hop.

HUGE congrats on your pregnancy! I hope your numbers continue to climb! I read some of your other blog posts. I have a very dear friend who had a journey similar to yours. her reasons for m/c were different, but it was still a long road full of m/c's too. She now has a happy little boy who just turned 1 in April. I hope this time next year you too will have a happy healthy 1 year old. Best of luck!

Kelsey Harrington said...

Not sure how i missed this one... but I'm crying. Such happy tears for you. Your gratitude for this baby is so sweet and beautiful. That picture of you and Steve holding your friends baby... oh yeah, gorgeous. You will be the best parents of the most loved baby. I can't tell you enough how happy I am for you. You deserve this. More than anything!

Cami said...

"It feels like today"
I love it <3

You are such a mom already - in the best way are warm, loving, beautiful, have good advice, and just...ooze a radiance of confidence and love that only moms have :) said...

Happy Mother's Day to you as well!!! I am so excited that before this time next year new baby Marino will be here!!!

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