"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse"
I think about all that's taken place in the past two weeks,
and I get lost in it.
The mess.
The grief.
The truth.
And when I feel trapped and like I'm drowning in my emotions
to the point where I can barely breathe...
I exhale, and I concentrate on the truth.
Because, the truth of it is, no matter how difficult a day or night I'm having...
There is always love.
Like, a few happy weeks ago, on a Friday morning with Miss Chloe.
And an afternoon spent with her sister, mama, and Jessica.
We played hairdresser for a good hour.
Addison bedazzled my locks with every single one of her barrettes while Chloe beat my head furiously gently brushed my hair.
Jessica captured the perfect moment.
"Someone, stop her! I asked for a simple ponytail...not this nonsense! "
***
Or like at Spiderman's Kristopher's birthday party.
Watching him make a wish...surrounded by friends...
never forgetting to suit up before each game.
Go Spidey!
I love Spidey's Mama.
I remember this night...
Our first (and last) real date while I was pregnant. I loved telling Steve to have another beer or two because I would be driving us home. I loved drinking glass upon glass of water and feeling sick that night. I loved having the perfect view of my brother while we ate dinner.
It's emotional - to look at the photos above and the photos below.
Amazing...how things can change in just a matter of a couple of days.
These girls took by far, one of the toughest days I've had in a long time
and helped me forget for the night.
I felt horrible that we were supposed to be celebrating Jessica's birthday. I knew it was out of my control, but my heart sunk when I told her the news. Unselfishly, she suggested we "bum it" and keep it low-key for the night.
On a rainy, gloomy, overall craptastic day,
These girls proved to me, yet again, just how bittersweet and beautiful life is...
defining friendship so amazingly.
***
A few days later, Jessica and I found ourselves walking the local fair.
We joked about our younger years as we watched teenagers be teenagers and little kids beg for one more ride.
I liked the colors...the lights...the smell of grease in the air.
I love this girl beside me.
I was tired and anxious for my appointment the next morning
but I was happy.
It was a breath of fresh air (okay, maybe not literally)
but I craved fun...I craved soaking up the night with my dear friend.
I felt more at ease than I had all week.
So, I hopped aboard the "Crazy Bus."
I handed 3 tickets to the guy behind the gate, who smirked at me as he buckled me in
while I cheered for getting the seat up front.
I looked down at Jessica snapping photos as I waved to her -"Hi Mom! Look at me, Mom! YAY!!"
while I cackled and laughed until my stomach hurt.
Sometimes, adrenaline and laughter combine to make the perfect medicine.
We worked up quite an appetite.
corn weenies in the night
The night was as sweet as our powdered fried oreos.
***
After Friday's appointment, Steve and I did our best to kinda pretend "it" wasn't happening. We wanted it that way. Steve had arranged to have off from work and for us to go with the flow that day.
We ended up at two ticket runs...(our second and third this month)...on a quest to win tickets to our local country radio station's concert.
It was hot and sticky. There were a good 500 people there. We sat. We waited and hoped for our numbers to be called. And then, we waited some more.
I'll give you one guess if we won or not...
Looks like we will be the suckers who buy them online from all the repeat winners.
Mexican food saved the day...
***
Saturday night was tough. It was the true beginning to the end.
But, the time with my mom...celebrating her birthday while my brother played...
sandwiched between her and Steve...
Was far from tough.
Hot stuff at 54.
***
After a few days of sulking, moping and living in the bathroom...
I needed that normalcy...that "get up and out of bed and face the world" feeling.
Breakfast at "old reliable" with Kelly and Chloe was the perfect start.
goofy with Mimi
***
Phillip Phillipppppps!
***
Breakfasts with Kim are always a mix of comical and emotional.
We like it that way.
And I look forward to our weekly dates.
***
My eyebrows were wolfin' and my bangs were shaggin'.
I have Vania to thank for some major refreshing.
And her thoughtful gift.
Mostly, though, for her sweet company on Friday.
Look, she matches the vase!
***
I'm thankful for date nights in, where Steve suggests watching a girly movie because he knows I won't ask otherwise.
I'm thankful for the fluffy who doesn't leave my side.
I'm thankful for a spontaneous trip with the Mr. for all-you-can-eat crab legs.
We laughed (and ate) a lot this weekend.
We were us, and
I'm so thankful for that.
***
I cried out in such a fury last week...
How nothing could make me feel better.
How nothing could help the pain go away.
No vacation, no drink strong enough, no amount of money or shopping spree
could heal this constant ache.
"And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"
Yes, it could be so, so much worse.
It's the truth...
none of those things could ever truly come close to mending my broken heart.
In times like these, there never seems to be an easy fix.
But love...
It has a way of healing like no other.
And while I hurt like hell, I remember to love like crazy
and give thanks for these beautiful people placed in my life.
