Monday, April 11, 2011

Makin' Plans

"Makin' Plans" - Miranda Lambert

"'Cause I’m not easy to understand
But you know me like the back of your hand
I’m your girl and you’re my man
And we’re makin’ plans" - Miranda Lambert (Makin' Plans)

It is late...for most people. For me, the night feels young. It's well after 3am. I'm in bed feeling tired...but a good kinda tired. The kind that lets you know you had a sweet weekend...a weekend where productivity, fun, love and plans come together to bring you to a place of peace. One of the greatest lessons I have learned, is you can't plan life. There are the plans you can control...and there are often, the ones you can't. When I really think about life revolves around plans...the ones I make and the ones I don't...the ones I love because I made them and the ones I'm learning to love because I can't make them.

I have found the days I make them happen are some of my greatest days.
I have found the plans I don't make...the ones that still find their way into my days, are some of the most challenging...but they always build my strength, bring more passion into my heart and an appreciation for the life I do have.

Each day...

I can plan on waking up to hearing Steve talk baby talk to the cats while he gets ready...and I love that.

I can plan on him kissing me before he leaves for work and saying, "Bye boo-boo, have a good day, I love you."

I can plan on enjoying time with friends...a few good chats on the phone with the ones I love about everything and nothing all at once...texting back and forth a few trillion times with them, and using "hahahahaha" and "lol" often.

I can plan on enjoying my days off and enjoying my days when I'm cleaning offices, because when I'm there, I'm alone, in peace, with all my thoughts (that sometimes get to be many)...but nonetheless, I can plan on finding a quiet place to process it all.

I can plan on always having a good cup of coffee and a nice chat when I'm at my mom's house.

I can plan on watching mindless tv with Steve...getting comfy and enjoying nights at home together.

I can plan on Twinkie standing at the top of the steps whenever I come home and open the door...him meowing at me, as if to say, "I've been waiting for you, lady!"...followed by Krimpet and Muffin charging down to greet me.

I can plan on coming home from cleaning, a dinner date or running find Steve in our favorite chair, battling evil robots on xbox live, still in his work clothes, w/his headphones on, yelling, sometimes screaming at the kids mostly grown men on the other end, telling them to "up" their game...for which I almost always tell him to turn the tv and his voice down. As I end up smirking and laughing in the other room, because I find it so funny...and kind of sweet that this goofy video game is bringing some simple joy into his life.

I can plan on Steve telling me to come to bed.  And if I'm staying downstairs still, I can plan on him turning the tv to channel #641 automatically, so I can watch my hilariously, obnoxiously addicting, lifetime movie network movies.

I can plan on Steve snoring most nights, like a grizzly bear in the wild, me repeating, "Steve, PLEASE STOP SNORING!" with the occasional kick nudge to his legs, 852 times...

But most of all...I can plan on falling asleep close to that grizzly bear, being thankful for that and a deep down, honest, good feeling because I get to wake up the next morning and do it ALL over again...

"If I wasn’t by your side
I’d never be satisfied
Nothin’ would feel just right
If I wasn’t by your side"

I'm certainly not always easy to understand...
Steve and I know each other inside-out...some things in life and about each other are such a comfort when they are predictable.

Jen and I catching up over cheese and chocolate @ The Melting Pot <3

Jamie and Leslie...longtime, close friends of Steve...visiting them in Baltimore <3

They took us to an awesome restaurant downtown...Alewife...where they serve water in mason jars, have a beer list a mile long...and have really good shrimp n' grits <3

He was excited about his food!

Me and my beautiful cousin, Ashley...lunch and shopping day <3

I'm not the type to take it easy. I like to be busy...always movin'...that, a lot of times, is my idea of taking it easy. I grew up in the town we're living in. I've always lived here...except for a year when I moved in with Steve a whole ten minutes away. I guess you could say in that way...I'm a true "country" girl. I have a special place in my heart for this town. Not because of the places and things it has to offer...but for the people it has to offer. The people in my life that were there when my life was just starting, and are here, still, 28 years later. Sure, if we ever had to move...if Steve was offered a position far away, we'd take those opportunities...but, for now and probably always, this will be's a constant in my life and that's comforting to me.

The journey that Steve and I have taken so far, has been long, sometimes can feel like "same sh*t, different day" at times...but we pull through. I don't stop...I won't stop...not until we reach our dream...because "taking a break" isn't getting us to that place we want to be. It's all I keep on going...and that's comforting to me too. And like this town, sticking to what is "me" in this journey has helped me get through it all. Because...somehow, we're going to get there...

"If I ever left this town
I’d never settle down
I’d just be wandering around
If I ever left this town"

They're calling for 80 degree weather today...and I've got some plans for my day and we've got some plans for our night

whatever plans you can make, make 'em good ones <3
whatever ones you can't, learn from them and know, one day those plans will come true. <3


KellBellz said...

I loved reading about all the things you can "plan" on in a day. I can picture you laying in bed watching your LMN while kicking the snoring grizzly bear. Haha!

Heathur Michelle said...

I just started reading your blog. I've read the first 2, and I can't stop! It's 1am here, and I can't sleep, I can relate with you there! I can also relate with the miscarriages. I've had 3, and I am ttc again. I totally understand your pain, and I am on the same journey. Your blog is inspiring, and amazing. I will never give up on starting my family either. I've already said a little prayer for you. <3

Maria said...

Hi heather...I'm so sorry for your losses...thank you so much for your sweet comment...I am such a night owl...
So sorry you can relate but it is a comfort to know someone understands. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! :)

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