Monday, April 4, 2011

Crazy Faith

"Crazy Faith" - Alison Krauss

Here it is, almost 3 in the morning, and of course, I am wide awake with no sign of sleep.  I've wrestled for over a month now on how to start this blog...or if I should even start one at all.  It is more clear than ever tonight, I must start typing without hesitation...with little worry on grammar and punctuation, and focus on flowing feelings and truth. I promise other posts won't be so long, as I already know it's going to take a while to tell my story.  The name, "Every Day is a Country Song" pretty much sums it all life!  Every day we all face new challenges - sometimes the unexpected - and some days seem like they are the mirror image of the day before...being it good or bad. Some days you feel like your life is so crazy, you're living a real life country song! Unlike many people, I do love me some country music!  I had the idea to start this blog a month ago when my husband, Steve, and I went away to Nashville and The Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. I thought of the title shortly before leaving, and as we drove (Steve driving 12hrs, me driving 1hr LOL) I sat and listened to the lyrics to so many songs that touched my heart.  I'm going to take a song and a set of lyrics to apply as the "theme" behind each blog post.
My very first post, "Crazy Faith,"  is a song by Alison Krauss (my favorite).  I love these lyrics..."I lit my love and watched it burn, asking nothing in return, except the lessons I will learn, by holding crazy faith."   This past year and a half has been full of crazy faith!

pictures of Steve and I in Nashville, TN <3

Steve and I on a carriage ride in Nashville <3

Steve and I touring the Gand Ole Opry <3

at our cabin in the smokies before heading back to Nashville to see a concert at the Grand Ole Opry <3

Alison Krauss  <3

beautiful view from the cabin

My hope for this blog is to be exactly what a blog is for most outlet for feelings and venting emotions. I don't want to hold back or sugar coat things. I want to let it out with no worry of  "should or shouldn't I have said this or that"...or questioning what people will think.  I know most people wouldn't post such personal things as I'm going to write about, and I know there are some very opinionated people out there. I have learned in these past few years especially, whose opinions matter and whose don't...I have learned the difference between people giving you caring advice out of concern and love.  And people thinking they know it all when they haven't a clue -often saying things when it isn't their place to.  I have learned that people will either be for you or against you.  And I am so grateful to have so many people there for us in this journey! I've been told by many people I should "write a book."  And this blog...will be my book. I am obsessed with taking pictures.  I have my online scrapbook on facebook...but pictures, never tell the whole story. This will be my story. This will be our story. Steve read this whole entry, knows I am posting  it, and isn't ashamed of anything I wrote, as he shouldn't be. My hopes are that sometimes this blog will pass by people who can relate and understand on some level, even if in the smallest of ways.  My husband and I have had quite the "country song" these past couple years!  We married in January 09' in Las Vegas followed by a wedding in October 09'. Since then, I have learned more than I could have imagined about love, trust, faith, and finding your strength when there seems to be none left.  I always said I'd start a blog when I had my first child, and while I am not expecting at this moment, I am hoping that some day I will be fortunate enough to post about that. I have known that I wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl.  I know many women feel this way.  I grew up with my mom always present, being a stay at home mom.  She outdid herself. She did it all. She was strong and bold and pushed my brother and I to do our best. My parents later divorced when I was a teenager. Where my grades were no longer a reflection of all she taught me, she taught me about life and the real world. I have her to thank for my openness, honesty and compassion.  She showed me what it was to truly sacrifice, roll with the punches, smile and laugh through the pain and never give up.  And that is exactly what I have been doing this past year and a half.  Some days definitely better than others...but I am always, every day, holding onto "crazy faith." 

My Mom and I <3

Mom and I, Christmas 2010

Steve and I started trying for a family at the end of October 2009, right after our wedding. Some people thought we were rushing, but we knew what we wanted, and looking back, we are so glad we did when we did. I remember how fast my heart was pounding, not even 2 months later, as I had a positive pregnancy test staring right back at me. I remember feeling so lucky...thinking, this was too easy. Not even a week later, I was spotting and ended up having an early miscarriage. We were heartbroken, naturally. It was that feeling of, "I can't believe this is happening to me"...but we felt positive that we'd be just fine and were looking towards trying again. I remember not wanting anyone to find out but close friends and family...telling my mom to stop telling all of her teacher friends, because people I know would find out. I worried so much about that at the time. Fast forward to today, and it sounds crazy, but not too crazy to talk about - I have had 5 miscarriages since we started our journey for a family. It is who I am. It is who Steve and I are. And our story truly began with this journey...It has taught us so much about love and life.

A few pictures of the beginning of our story....

Our Wedding, October 2009 <3

The day I found out I was pregnant for the 1st time...December 2009 <3

Mom and I, Christmas 2009 <3 (the "good luck" angel she gave to me)

A much needed date w/the Mr

My doctor told us to wait two cycles and then start trying in February, we did, and within two more cycles I found out super early on that I was pregnant again at the end of March 09'. We had our first ultrasound at the end of April. And shortly after, I found myself miscarrying again at the beginning of May. My Dr told me that he wanted to do an ultrasound to see if we lost "both of them." We were pregnant with twins. He hadn't told us yet because he wanted to make sure at our 2nd ultrasound that they were both still there (because of the common case of  "vanishing twin syndrome.")  Sadly, we already had lost both. That by far was the most physically painful loss. It was like a really mean be told there were twins when we were already miscarrying. I felt heart ached...and at times, I felt numb. It was right around Mother's Day and my Mom wrote me the nicest card. I held onto her words..."count your blessings when times are trying...I do, and count you and your brother as my greatest blessings." It is so true - when times are rough and trying, we all tend to feel like everything in our life is going horribly. We find it hard to focus on the positives in our life. I am and always will be thankful for all the blessings in my life. I know it could be so much worse...I am healthy, Steve is healthy, my friends and family are healthy, and I have so much love in my life!

The night I told Steve we were pregnant "again", April 2010 <3

Steve and I, Easter 2010 <3

Mother's Day 2010 <3

Mother's Day gifts from my Mom

After our 2nd loss, we decided we would take an extra month or two after our doctor's orders of again, a 2 cycle break. Our doctor performed an HSG test...where he checked my uterus for abnormalities. He ran tons of blood work to see if anything would show up. Everything checked out perfect. He said it was a case of bad luck and was sure we'd be fine next time. Once we got the news, we started trying again in August. I remember finding out I was pregnant on the last day of August. I couldn't believe it - again, we were getting pregnant so easily and it didn't make sense how we could have anymore bad luck. All of our friends were so positive, and we felt like this one just had to work. Not even a week and a half later, I was spotting and ended up having an early miscarriage right before my birthday in September. I turned 28. Steve, my friends, and family made it such a bittersweet birthday for me. They went out of their way to make it extra special...and it was!

Jessica Kelly and I out to dinner for my 28th Birthday <3

Me and Kelly out for a birthday lunch after pedicures <3

Steve and I <3

Mom Me and Brigid <3

Mom Nicholas Me and Dad

I can honestly say that third one hurt emotionally - the most...more than the first or second and more than the fourth or fifth...because I truly felt like there HAD to be something wrong. Three strikes, I'm out, kinda feeling. This was not normal. I was beside myself and my doctor told me basically, he didn't know what else he could do for me...being that all my tests came back fine. We decided to make an appointment with a fertility doctor right away. We had our first appointment in the beginning of October 10'. It was then that we met our wonderful doctor who has been another blessing in our life. He is open, honest, caring and really understands what you're going through. He told me he didn't want to waste any time and was really puzzled at our year so far. He decided to run every blood test under the sun on me...even the ones I had already had.  I had another procedure where he tested my lining. Everything came back fine.

like I said, I take pictures of EVERYTHING! ;)

He gave Steve a blood work slip for karyotype testing and other blood tests. He told Steve, "no rush on it," as the chances of anything coming up is slim to none. He started me on Clomid  (a fertility drug that helps you ovulate). I was already ovulating perfectly, but his hopes were that it would make me produce more than one egg, giving me a higher chance of more babies - therefore resulting in more chance of a pregnancy "sticking." He told us to start trying right away in mid-October, so we did just that. About a week and a half later we got the call that all my tests came back in range and right where they should be. As much as you'd think we would be happy, we felt even more helpless because we didn't have an answer! I didn't get pregnant that cycle and another week passed. I will never forgot the phone call I received in November. A nurse from the doctor's office called to ask me to schedule an appointment for me and Steve to talk to our doctor. I told her we already had an appointment the following week and thought maybe they had overlooked it. She said, "No, this is to talk about some of your husband's blood work results we just received." I remember walking down my steps as she was talking and holding onto the railing because I was shaking so hard. I couldn't even mutter, "what is this about?" to her because I was so scared and taken back.  I told her I would talk to my husband and call her back. As soon as I was off the phone, I called Steve.  I was hysterical. I was thinking the worst. We called right back and the office was already closed. I didn't know how I was going to wait to find out what I already was thinking was true. I called my friend, bawling...trembling, and told her what was going on. I remember telling her, "It's gotta be his karyotype test...something has got to be wrong with the chromosomes...that was what he was tested for."...I knew what that meant. I knew that if it was, what was causing my miscarriages, it would basically mean we weren't "compatible"...and even though I didn't know for sure yet, I had this aching feeling in my stomach that it was. I remember asking my friend if she thought it too. She did. We cried together. I picked myself up and went off to clean. (I'm a cleaning lady for all types of offices) That will be another post and another "country song." ;) I was cleaning an office with my brother that day. And then, I got that call. I can remember every single second. I was cleaning one of the powder rooms when Steve called me from work to say he got a hold of our doctor. He had him paged. Leave it to Steve to find a way to get that doctor on the phone after hours. He had the news. Steve told me the doctor said Steve's blood work showed he had a chromosomal inversion of chromosome pair 4...that basically one side of that pair broke off and replaced itself upside down. It wasn't missing any pieces, it was balanced, and it was, "the better of the two" types of inversions. It was nothing health wise for Steve to worry about, because it happened all when Steve was a ball of cells. It has and will always be his DNA. This is what was causing the miscarriages. When a pregnancy occurs, my DNA mixes with his DNA.  If the "mixed-up" side of his chromosome pair 4 is the one to "mix" with my DNA, it can cause abnormalities...not always, but it is pretty much a game of chance. The doctor told him that the lab wrote, "we were advised to seek genetic counseling and be prepared for a high chance of infertility, recurrent miscarriages and genetic abnormalities in our pregnancies." The chances of this inversion is less than 1%...after our first two miscarriages, when Steve asked my regular ob if he should be tested, he almost laughed and shook his head, and said, "No, you're fine". While Steve was explaining everything, I can remember hanging onto the sink, tears streaming down my face, my heart beating so fast and loud, I could hear it. I kept saying, "NO NO NO!" Steve was trying to calm me down but was still at work. I could tell he was terrified and in shock. When I got off the phone, I let out the most loud, horrible cry. I ran to find my brother and fell into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. My brother, Nicholas, hugged me close and let me cry, sob and ramble without making any sense until I gained my composure. I'm tearing up as I write this because that is one of those moments in my life, I will remember every single detail of...forever.

Me and my brother, Nicholas, New Years Eve 2011 <3

Crying like a baby, seeing my brother for the 1st time on my wedding day

I got home after cleaning and Steve still wasn't home. I knew he was taking it just as hard, if not harder than I was, and I wanted him to have his time and space to process everything. I had "toughened up" a bit in a few short hours and was in the state of mind where you're laughing, crying, screaming and not knowing how to feel next. When he came home, he hugged me and immediately started sobbing on me. We cried in silence for a good twenty minutes. He kept apologizing, and it was ripping my heart out to see him like this. I needed to be strong for him. He has been so strong for me...he has pulled me through and seen it all this past year and a half. He has never made me feel like it was my fault.  And now, here he was feeling totally to blame. I assured him that I would never resent him for this, that it wasn't his fault, it was uncontrollable and I loved him no matter what. We went through a really rough patch in November. I saw a very vulnerable side of Steve that I had fallen in love with when we first met. As sad as it all was, I felt closer to him. We felt closer...We felt like if we can get through this, we can get through anything. It was coming onto Thanksgiving and again, feeling like I didn't want it to be ruined, I pushed through with the wonderful help of friends, family and faith. We met with our doctor shortly after the news and to our surprise, he told us he wanted us to try again "naturally."  He told us because Steve's inversion was balanced, and he wasn't missing or gaining any chromosomal material, we had a chance at a healthy baby of our own. He told us it's not for everyone, but he could see we were a strong couple, and if we could roll with the punches, we should go for it because he has seen other couples make it happen. He assured us he'd tell us when enough was enough. And that's just what we did. I continued on the fertility drugs to produce more eggs. He upped my dosage because now, more than ever, the more eggs, the more babies.  And the more babies, the higher chance I had that at least one would "match up."  I was definitely beginning to feel like a lab rat and giant science experiment.  But I had the faith...something telling me to keep going. I have never been a fan of taking medication.  And now, being on all types...I realize it's different.  I despise the side effects of some of them, but I would do anything to help us have a family.  If it meant me stabbing myself in the leg every day, I would do it. I found out I was pregnant a fourth time, three weeks before Christmas 10'. With knowing our odds, I wasn't super optimistic, but I thought of it as at least being one step closer to getting to where we wanted to be. I miscarried again very early. This time, it wasn't so bad. I unfortunately expected it and was being realistic. This time, at least we knew why. Plus, It was Christmastime and there was no way we weren't going to enjoy all of our blessings.
Some pictures of just a few of the blessings I am thankful for...

Family...a mom and dad who get along more than ever after divorcing 13 years ago, a brother who is one of my closest friends and a step mom who has welcomed us into her family, including my mother
Best friends I've had since I was a little girl

Seeing friends with their little girls and spending time with them

Friends who are always there when you need a shoulder to cry on

Twinkie, the biggest of our 3 little big love machine

Wow, 2 blessings in! don't think that's a target bag but Target is definitely up there w/blessings...and...Muffin...the sweetest fluffy in the world

Krimpet, our quiet, sweet and shy kitty

Friends that can finish your sentences
Friends who cheer you on when times are tough
Friends who you don't see often but when you're together, can always pick up where you left off

Friends who just get you

My husband

My doctor wanted to waste no time again, and I was back to trying.  Only this time, he wanted to start performing IUI's...we were thrilled to find out our insurance covered unlimited IUI's. Where we had no problems getting pregnant, this would only up our odds of getting the most "bang for our buck. IUI (not to be confused with IVF), basically "puts the guys exactly where they need to be at the perfect time." So, they aren't glamorous, I will tell you that. I won't go into detail, but I'm sure you can imagine the pressure. We were to still continue trying naturally and come in on the day of ovulation for the procedure. We had our first in January. They monitor me mid-cycle to see how many eggs I have. I have produced as many as five! The average seems to be three. I had three that time. It was super painless...all I felt was a bit of pressure, a pinch and it was over. Two weeks later, in February, I was pregnant for a fifth time. Our doctor was sure this one would be the one. We so wanted to believe it too. However, a couple weeks later, another miscarriage...our fifth. So, off to Nashville and the Smokies we went. It felt wonderful to get away from all the bullsh* not have to go to the doctors a gazillion times that week and get poked and prodded with needles and other unmentionable objects. We got home and reality set in...what's next?! Our doctor said to "get right back up on that horse." I was exhausted all over again but I was ready for another try...or at least that's what I kept telling myself. It had become habit at this point and I knew stopping wasn't going to get us anywhere. Our doctor always assured us that he would never tell us to try if he didn't think it was healthy...and that it was "good" my body always realized something wasn't right. Our IUI in March did not get us pregnant. March was our breaking point. Steve and I, after a year and a half of this roller coaster/merry-go-round were feeling everything in full effect. We were feeling truly helpless. We were feeling like we couldn't and didn't even want to talk to each other because we had nothing "good" to say. We knew it wasn't our fault and that we were saying things we didn't mean out of pure frustration and the fear of the unknown. I a lot of times tell myself I don't know how good I have it.  Still, we felt like what can we do?...we can't change his DNA...we can't do IVF because doctors told us our odds are still slim and extremely costly with the added costs because of the chromosome situation. We thought about adoption and our doctor had told us many months ago, he didn't see that ever being an option for us. Because he knows I can carry a baby and we could have a child of our own.  and go through the whole experience that every mother and father dream of. We knew something had to be done. We knew we couldn't keep on like this for too much longer without it affecting our marriage. We talked to our doctor about all of our feelings and he said he was happy to hear everything. He was wondering how much longer we could go without breaking down. I don't know why, but I have always tried to hold in my tears with our's funny because I am the biggest crier you could ever meet. I cry at EVERYTHING, lol, and I'm not ashamed to. I guess I thought that the stronger I was in front of him, the more he'd want us to keep trying. So last week, I let it all out...we let it all out, and it was the best thing we could have done. Our doctor was so kind and inspiring with his words. He told us to go through with our 3rd IUI, our attempt at a 6th pregnancy, which we did on April 1st (hmmm, April Fool's that supposed to make me feel positive about it?...LOL) and that he wanted us to wait and see what happens with this one before we go on with the next step. I had 3 good eggs and he is hopeful we will get pregnant again! So now we wait for 2 weeks to see if we are or not. The waiting game is never a fun one. I keep very busy and that definitely helps! As for what happens if this time doesn't work out, I will talk about that next step in later posts. As for now, it's a lot of hoping, praying for miracles, and being thankful for what we do have, and not mad at what we don't.  It's knowing that in whatever way, we will someday live our dream of being pregnant, having a healthy child and starting our family.  It's holding onto that crazy faith and keeping it close to us.  It's truly believing we will get there.

Like the last verse of this song..."it's crazy, I know, but my faith says so."<3


XtOphY Design Studio said...

beautiful! love you so much, and know that you are going to do great things with this.

Kim said...

I have tears rolling down my face! You guys are inspiring, we love you and will continue to keep you in our prayers always! We are routing for you, and are keeping the crazy faith!

What will michele have to say about that? said...

Hi Maria~ I only "know" you through, Kelly K.- we grew up together- before she moved to PA. Anyway- what a very painful experience you have been through, yet it seems that God has given you the grace to get through everyday. I have a family member that has been struggling with this same problem for 13 years. She has had 6 miscarriages and lost a set of twins at 12 weeks- which was extremely devastating for both of them. They have exhausted invitro- 3 different times at $12,000 a pop- gets expensive. It has been very difficult for them, but they rely on God and His will and timing and it appears that you are willing to try to accept that as well. I had tears as I read your blog, I feel for you... I really do! I will be praying for you and Steve for strength and whatever God's will may be for you and your future.

Kerry said...

maria im so happy you posted this, its just the reminder we all need when things feel tough how may things we have to be thankful for. i was in tears the whole time I read this because you are one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know and it breaks my heart that you're going through this when you would be the most loving, wonderful mother. I love everything you said about your mom, your so lucky to have her, follow her advice and example. And no matter how it happens, soon you and Steve will have a child who will be so very lucky to have you two as his or her parents.

Maria said...

thank you so much, everyone...for reading, encouraging me and most of all, your support! i love you all! <3
@ michele - it is nice to "meet" you! thank you for sharing your story and thank you for your prayers! i appreciate them much! <3

Jessica said...

:) i love you

Gina said...

You're an amazing woman! I admire your strength and I pray for your dreams. I love you <3

Jen said...

You are an inspiration to everyone, We pray everyday for you and Steve to have a family and I can't wait for when that day finally comes <3.Love you

Carrie said...

Maria, You are such a beautiful person! You are everything my cousin Kelly has described. This post is so raw and vulnerable and really and truly inspiring. Everything happens for a reason and while we never truly understand why somethings happen there is a reason for everything. You are destined to be a Mommy and no child will be loved and cared for more. Keep that "Crazy Faith" alive. Thinking of you!

Maria said...

Jessica, I love you so much, my cinnaminnion!! Xoxo

Gina and Jen, thank you so much for your love and support! You have helped me through it all and I love you, both!!

Carrie, thank you so much for reading my blog! Your words are so sweet! Kelly has told me so much ab you and taylor and though I didn't get to truly meet you a cpl months ago, @ kelly's house, I hope to soon!! Hope you are well!! Xoxo

MrsV said...

I found your blog thru your post on the WTE forum. I have only read this first post so far; I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through on your journey to motherhood. You are an extremely strong woman and I am inspired by your ability to maintain a positive outlook. I started my blog earlier this year after a miscarriage to help me cope with the pain, I feel like it has helped me and has been cheaper than therapy ;) Thank you for posting your link, I'm looking forward to reading along and sharing in your journey :)

Maria said...

Hi, Mrs V! I am sorry to hear you know the pain of a are so right, it is therapeutic to go through your emotions and write them all out. I would love to read your blog, if you don't mind! Thank you so much for your very kind words and for writing. Wishing you lots of luck!
Maria :)

Bernadette & Duane said...

Thanks for your lovely words. I'm looking forward to following your story as well. I just had a chance to read your first post and I am so sorry for your losses. Cheers to everything working out for us sooner rather than later!


Anonymous said...

Hi Maria! Thanks so much for commenting on my blog. :D I like finding other Marias too...hee, hee. We are obviously awesome. ;-)

I'm so sorry that you've had to experience such loss in your life...what a fantastic couple you must be to continue with your faith and hope after such tragedies. I love that you keep on keeping on. Glad to be one of your supporters. :D

astrocat88 said...

I found your blog off a surrogacy blog (which is how my husband and I had our first child and are now trying for a second baby) so I don´t know where your story goes but I have read Crazy Faith and it has left me in tears. You write so well, thank you for sharing your very intimate story, AND I wish you the best of luck! Baby Dust!!! PS: Now I am going to go read newer entries as I want to know how things are going along!!!

Jordan Marie said...

thank you for writing this blog.. i can't say i know what you're going through.. i miscarried my first and now have my first.. i hope good things happen very soon for you and the hubb.



The New Me said...

I just happened up on your blog through the "Get Wired Wednesday" blog hop but I haven't been able to stop reading your posts! Wow - what an emotional blog. I'm so proud of you for being willing to share so much of yourself. You are helping so many other women who have been through the same thing. It's so hard to have one really understands except for someone who has gone through it. You are in my prayers!

Kellie Hudson Bowling said...

Wow, what a story you have! It's wonderful that you can see through your pain and loss to appreciate all the blessings you do have in life. I stumbled upon your blog from the "Blog Hop Til You Drop" Friday Hop. New follower! Hope you can check mine out sometime!

Brittany said...

Oh Maria, I just wanted you to know that I read this whole post and are SO INCREDIBLY STRONG! I admire you and your husband's strength and courage so much. You have such a positive outlook and that is truly inspiring. I am so glad you started a blog to share your story with all of have my prayers as I know God will send you a precious child when the time is right. You are an amazing person and God will continue to bless both of you, I just know it :).

Cami said...

I'm reading this from your other post I just read.

You are amazing. You are such a blessing to so many who have read that and are going through the same thing.

I am praying for you. God will come through - in His time.


<3-Cami from First Day of My Life

Ashley at flats to flip flops said...

Found your blog thru the Letter 4 and my heart is right there with you! It reminded me so much of our journey. We struggled with INF for 4 years and 1 miscarriage before finally starting our family thru IVF in 2008. Thank you for being willing to share your story! My husband and I just started a non profit charity with the mission of giving HOPE to couples struggling with infertility. If you have a sec, I would love to have you check it out and let me know what you think!
Sending prayers and thoughts your way and wishing you and your hubby the best!

Melinda G. said...

Hi Maria-
I found your blog through this thread while searching for someone who could understand what it's like to now be going through my 5th miscarriage:

Thank you so much for being open, honest, and sharing with so many us who feel secluded and unable to to find the proper outlet for our feelings on this matter. I look forward to following the good news and please keep up the posting. I may not always comment, but I will be reading and hoping for the both of us!

Melinda in SoCal

Patty said...

Hi Maria:
I found your blog thru the Mama to 4 Blessings Blog hop and am now following along your journey. I have read your first and last posts and will be back to read more. What strength and love you and your husband show for each other. It is truly inspiring.
Please do visit my blogs linked up on the blog hop
Our adventures in Big Ole Texas
and Patricia Martinez Photography

Miki's scrapbook said...

Oh, my, Maria! I've read your whole story, every single word. I can't believe everything you guys had to go through. I really do wish you all the best and I'm sure everything will go great this time! :D You certainly do deserve a baby!

And girl, you're so beautiful inside out! ;D



Angie Mahoney said...

Just discovered you and your story through the blog hop. You are such a faith-filled and inspirational woman! You are in God's hands, so you just need to be patient with His timing. Best wishes~I look forward to following your progress!

Sara Leanne said...

What a beautiful, honest story. I can tell I'm going to enjoy being a reader :)

Grace Doirin said...

Hi Maria, it has been so many years since being in HS together.
To read your journey in this post was very heart-wrenching yet inspirational at the same time.
Loss is never easy. After 3 healthy pregnancies and deliveries, my fourth ended in full-term loss. It was the least expected outcome. I struggled with acceptance but I too have learned to always count my blessings & know everything happens for a reason. And through it all my faith has grown stronger. It has been my crazy faith that keeps me going day to day.
I look forward to reading more of your blog! Your expression of hope and faith are refreshing. :)

Heather Nelsen said...

I never read your first post until today. Your honesty is refreshing. Its so neat to think that now you are days away from welcoming your sweet baby girl into the world! Your faith and determination has paid off friend! Praise The Lord!


Melanie @ Life's Sweet Words said...

I found you through That Friday Blog Hop and this is the most open and honest blog I have found in a long time. I too am a huge country music fan (Tim McGraw doesn't know it but he is my second husband haha). The way you share your life in correlation to the music is wonderful. Such a beautiful opening to your story!

Felicia Caldwell said...

I stumbled upon your blog tonight. In so glad I did. I have had 4 miscarriages, and am currently on my 5th pregnancy. Like you all of the tests came back perfect, including my husbands blood work. Reading your story has given me the hope I have seemed to lose over these past two years.

Anna said...

Hi Maria,

We have a few blog friends in common and I just found your page. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it is an encouragement to many.

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