I want to remember the first month of 2012, while gearing up to give a *ready as I'll ever be* welcome to February.
THANK YOU so much for all your happy wishes on mylast post!! <3
And, THANK YOU, January.
You added more lessons to my collection.
I truly learned from you.
Our Anniversary celebration was just the right mix of simple and spontaneous.
A late afternoon food fest over a round of our favorite martinis...
<3
Last week, Steve found out one of his favorite bands, TOOL (yea, we have such similar music taste), was coming to our area. He felt guilty asking to go during our anniversary weekend. Come on now...He has endured plenty of twangy-twang-hee haww concerts with me. Still, he needed a little push to buy the tickets. So, I got Muffin to help me out. We sent this right on over to him and knew he'd be unable to resist.
Muffin says - *Do it, Dad!! TOOL Rocks!*
And, so we went.
It makes me happy to see him happy.
True story - it took me about 11 tries before I could figure out the difference between *rock on* and *surf's up!*
It was loud. It was full of flashes of light and clouds of smoke. It was full of all types of decked out peeps.
There was a spider crawling on Steve's shoulder before the concert started. I pointed it out to him as calmly as possible and he danced a dance I will never forget.
Once the show began, Mr never sat down once. He sang every word. (even if I couldn't understand what they were saying half the time.)
Like I said - it makes me happy to see him happy.
We weren't far from Atlantic City...so after a rockin' good time, we found some rest and relaxation.
I realized how hungry I was once that guacamole wouldn't stop starin' at me in the elevator.
We did the healthy thing, and ordered burgers and steak fries at 2am.
And after a good night's rest, we were headed for a bit of sun and some down time.
Mr is not naked.
I want a hot tub.
A chilly stroll on the beach.
A hot pink sunset.
Happy 3 years.
totally sportin' lipstick on my teeth here. Oops!
Atlantic City, we love you.
***
The kitty portion of this post is brought to you by - Little Miss Muffin and Burger King.
Muffin loves her a good straw.
She speaks to it. Tries her best to draw it closer.
Some take countless hours. Some are made easier with support from others.
And some...
are instant.
You just know.
Today, I think back to exactly 3 years ago...
There was an ice storm that decided to hit in the early morning hours.
And Steve and I had somewhere to be.
Somewhere important.
I remember that slow-as-a-snail drive - going 15 miles per hour almost the whole way to the airport.
What would normally take an hour...taking just under three.
Nothing could stop us.
At around 5am, we arrived. On just a couple hours of sleep, but all smiles and laughs on the bus ride to the plane.
We were so happy.
We made it.
We boarded the plane and the pilot informed us it'd be quite a few hours before we'd be able to take off.
We I got some rest.
Sometime after 11am, we arrived at our destination.
Las Vegas
We were so happy.
We made it.
Our hotel room wasn't quite ready yet. We could have cared less. We hopped into the first taxi available.
And after some paperwork, a couple of signatures and another quick taxi ride...
We were standing, facing one another in a tiny wedding chapel.
No one but us
and a sweet old man with simple but meaningful words, standing before us...
I can remember perfectly...
The magic of the adrenaline running through my veins.
Steve inches across from me - in sneakers and "dad jeans" (you know the kind).
The single red rose that sweet old man handed me to hold.
Nervously laughing. Shaking with pure joy.
And then, we were asked to hold hands.
The vows began. Steve went first. Somehow, I wasn't crying...
yet.
Steve went to speak, but flowing tears came first. Mine followed instantly.
Words Vows were exchanged.
We were so happy.
We made it.
This was me. On the afternoon of January 28, 2009...
Arriving back to our hotel.
Truly feeling like a new woman. In my $4.48 Target velour sweatshirt that I said, "I do" in.
I was on a cloud.
You would think, with my obsession and deep love for photographs and capturing memories...
we would have purchased the photos that were taken in that tiny chapel.
We didn't.
We didn't want them. We didn't need them.
You would think, that with my obsession and deep love for "getting fancy"...
that I would have adorned myself with a glitzy ensemble and sparkly accessories.
I didn't want that. I didn't need that.
My Mom and I recently talked about the difference between good and bad pride...
That it's healthy to be proud of yourself.
But not boast of yourself.
I'm proud of this day and all that it taught me.
It taught me that true beauty is the way you feel inside.
That you can feel more beautiful than you've ever felt in a $5 sweatshirt, holding a tacky rose, across from your love (in dad jeans).
It taught me that love doesn't have to be so complicated.
It taught me the definition of pure bliss...
That a city as fast and happenin' as Las Vegas, can make the world slow down for a couple of kids in love.
It taught me the strength of memories like that, don't need pictures.
And above all,
It taught us to focus on what's truly important at the end of the day.
I have a confession...
I didn't keep up my end of the deal mentioned in my last post - you know...the getting more sleep part?
I didn't get much last night.
But I'm so very grateful for little sleep at this moment.
Because I have one more confession...
I'm proud.
I'm proud of today- January 28, 2012.
Staying up and writing this post...Reflecting on this day 3 years ago...
I think it just did something amazing for me.
No, you know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say,
It did do something amazing for me.
For Steve and I.
The tears began a few paragraphs back. They quickly became so intense that I knew...
These words I'm typing...they've been locked deep inside all this time... patiently waiting their turn to make it out.
Out, where I can see them clearly and not just hear myself say them. Maybe they needed to be spelled out in front of me.
How many times do I proudly say at the end of the day,
Love is all that matters. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I say it every single day.
I think thought I did my best.
But ya know, I think it was meant to be...for these thoughts to just pour out the way they did...
Really hit me where it counts.
And shine a spotlight on words I need to trust in.
The very words I told myself when I made one of the easiest decisions of my life...
Focus. Truly focus.
Don't be scared of change.
Don't be scared of doing things "differently."
Don't be scared to be yourself.
Be true, always.
Focus little on those little details...
Big on that one big detail that matters.
And watch where it takes you...
Like it did 3 years ago...
It will always remain dear to me - That day and all that it stands for.
For, it is three years later. Three years of memories that have led us to this very day.
And, I'm so happy.
We made it.
***
I made a decision. This one - I am sticking to. This, I promise myself. I promise my husband...
Next weekend, we truly begin taking in the next few pages of THIS chapter.
We will give ourselves time while still making progress.
And when the fears set in, the questions become too many, and we start to focus too much on those little details...
I will remind myself of this day -
3 years ago and today.
And that, at the end of the day...
It only truly is that big detail...
LOVE
pure, not as complicated as you think
LOVE
<3
"You Make It Real" - James Morrison
There's so much craziness surrounding me,
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me,
You make it real for me
When I'm not sure of my priorities,
When I've lost sight of where I'm meant to be
And like holy water washing over me,
You make it real for me
And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me
When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can't find the words, you teach my heart to speak,
You make it real for me
And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me
Everybody's talking in words I don't understand,
You've got to be the only one who knows just who I am
And you're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through
'Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you
I guess there's so much more I have to learn,
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run,
You make it real for me
And I am running to you baby,
'Cause you are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me
You make it real for me
January has sure been showin' me what it's made of.
Or maybe - I've been showin' it what I'm made of.
I'll settle for a little bit of both.
Lately, though, I've been kinda feeling like this...
And a lot like this...
Yea, that was me about an hour ago. I'm a zombie. A zombie/vampire.
A wacky-doodle nighttime lova'. (okay, really bad choice of words...not that kind)
But, I adore the night. I always have. However, my sleep patterns are CAH-RAY-ZEEE this month.
To the point, where even I'm starting to wonder. Last night, I started feeling unusually sleepy around ten. So, I did what most normal people would do, and went right to bed. Only, I woke up after midnight feeling full of energy and unable to fall back asleep.
And here I am...
Awake.
Many people ask me what I do at such hours.
I read. I listen to music. I pray. I watch movies. I hang out with the fluffies. I write. I take bubble baths. I do crazy things like - decide to try out that spray tanner I've had for months, and spray down my left leg - only to wake up with a scary, speckled, orange thigh that will last me 5 days.
It all brings me peace (okay, minus the orange thigh). And it's the best time for me to sort things out.
Reflect and process.
Indulge.
Like tonight, with a cup of dark hot chocolate and a way-too-good-to-not-eat-the-whole-bar-Utah truffle.
Big zombie SHOUT OUTS and sugary THANKS to Utah's own - "Mama Leisha"!!
Look out for her in future posts.
Aleisha - it was better than an ice cold can of diet coke!!
Muffin sippin' some cocoa.
And my dinner beforehand...
(that complimented chocolate bars and chocolaty drinks so well)
Salad and Sushi
***
Now that I've rambled on and on,
I will get to my point.
I am tired.
Sound a little contradictory?
Maybe.
See, I know I can't be a super cool vampire every single night of the week. I also know it felt super awesome to fall asleep with Steve this weekend and sleep through the night. I know with some of the happenings of this month and the loss of my Nani - things have been a little out of sorts.
And it's okay. That's life. We roll with the punches. We take that time to deal and heal. It's so important.
But just as important, soon - it's time to start focusing in on things.
This past month has been a whirlwind of emotions. That - I am used to.
But I miss my husband this month. I know we're lucky to see each other every day. And spend time together. Heck, I can't even remember a fight or bickering session we've had recently. (Except the other night, when the last words I said to him were, "You're a turd!" before he went to bed.)
Still...
We need to relax together.
We need to be us together.
We deserve to be.
And to take that time.
Then, comes more baby steps.
<3
"I wanna be stronger than we've ever been."
***
I never did mention any of my resolutions for the new year. I think because I don't really have any.
That sounds kinda wimpy, huh?!
You know though, last night as I was finishing up cleaning...one of the office's pictures caught my eye.
Balance - to bring into harmony the things that matter most in life.
And I realized - that despite my recent blahh days, and all the times I'm too hard on myself...
I'm doing just fine.
And if there's one thing you can never spend too much time on -
It's working on keeping all the good love in your life right where it should be...
Close to you.
(Wonderful dinner and times with Kelly and Kurt this weekend!)
***
* work on sleep - check
* balancing love is key - check
* concentrate extra love on the Mr and I - almost check
Let's be completely honest here...
This zombie needs some major sexy vibes sent her way.
It's hard to feel sexy when you haven't shaved your legs in a week. When you go to bed with toothpaste on your zits to dry em' out. And when the month has tried its best to kick your booty...
it can leave you feelin' a bit yucky.
So, when I picked up the sushi last night, I made sure to pick up the newest addition of Cosmo.
Um, Can you believe that's Dakota Fanning?! The little girl from I Am Sam?! (Go Dakota!)
(Gotta love the cover story titles!! My favorite-the one covering her bent arm.)
