Thursday, September 29, 2011

Thankful Thursday

"Each day offers us the gift of being a special occasion, if we can simply learn that as well as giving, it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart" - Sarah Ban Breathnach

I so often see "Thankful Thursday" posts and have yet to partake in one.
I think it's about time.

This morning, I find myself looking through photos, both old and new.
And I'm feeling, quite simply...thankful.

The past few weeks have been rough on my heart.
But with saying that, I almost feel guilty.
Because my heart aches with so much more than hurt on a daily basis. It aches with pure love.

And I have pictures to prove it.

A rainy Tuesday afternoon last week, was spent with 3 lovely "K's".
I was thankful to see my friend, Kelly, living her dream...at home and happy with her children.
Karina and Kelly...this pictures makes for happy tears.

A lil' birthday love for my sweet birthday twin

What is going on here? Not quite sure...but I love it.
Kristopher Me and Karina, all totally ready for this picture!

Karina and I...forever representin' September 18th

"It fits guys, now let me down!"

Kelly had a smorgasbord of healthy lunch selections...I had to balance it out with these 3lb. cupcakes.

Is there chocolate in my teeth?


I'm thankful for friends who live doors away. Thankful for walks on a gloomy day, that instantly turn bright when you see these smiling faces...
Kim and Noah...aren't they adorable!?

walking their awesome doggies, Sketchy and Rory...or are they walking me?!


I'm thankful for birthday celebrations, after my birthday. It means I get to see these ladies.
Kelly and Jessica

I'm thankful for super thoughtful, clever gifts that make my heart smile.
Does Kelly know me or what?! A crazy cat lady cup and coffee all in one! AHH!

KellyAddison was sweet enough to think of my split ends. After all, she didn't have the best time playing hairdresser last month.
Remember this photo?
Poor girl.

And who can forget this one?!
Yikes!!

My gift from Addison
Conditioner!! And the good stuff...not the 77cent kind that my jagged ends are used to! :)

Why does time have to go by so quickly...always. Why can't dinner go til' midnight? These ladies made my night.
Me and Kelly

Jessica and I

I <3 this photo.


and I <3 them. I'm thankful for Thursday nights that end with friends. And Fridays that begin with friends. Friends who you just saw less than 12 hours ago.


Jessica...the hostess with the mostess

She asked if she could "continue romancing me for my birthday"...
How could I turn her down? After all, the girl makes a mean homemade pizza.
She invited me over for the afternoon. One that turned into an all day affair.
So, I got ready for the romancing, packed up my Peter Cetera cd and headed right on over.
There were beautiful gifts. And when I say beautiful, I mean from the inside out.
Me and my pretty pretty presents

Exchanging birthday presents with Jessica and I is like an art. We open slowly. We explain why we may or may not like each gift beforehand (when we really know the other one is gonna love it) We cry. We oohh and ahhh over every detail. Then, we cry some more. And if Jessica is lucky, I dance to Peter Cetera's, "Forever Tonight" and she "feels my breath on her shoulder"
(I owe ya one, Jess)

I spot a kitty.

My AMAZING handmade card...can't wait to find the perfect frame for this beauty!
"Crazy Faith"...two words that are dear to me. I'm crazy. I'm faithful. And "Crazy Faith" was my very first blog post. *tear

*more tears...a photo of Kelly Me and Jessica from almost 10 years ago.

Yes, that is me...with no eyes and apparently no teeth, wearing all my beautiful gift decorations...I'm thankful I don't really look like that.  Scary!!
However, the gift inside was far from scary. It was a gorgeous, touching, very special book, that deserves its own post. It made me...can you guess? I bet you can't. Okay, of course, it made me cry. But I didn't even read it while there. Jessica's beautiful message got the tears going.

I could cry now, because my freezer doesn't have any of this in it. Try it. You won't be sorry. "Late Night Snack" by Ben n' Jerry's. Vanilla Ice Cream with caramel and chocolate covered potato chips. Ugh huh. A dream come true. Like, totally!

Jessica and I after a much needed "quality time" day.

I read the book when I got home. I bawled.
So thankful...
:*)


I'm thankful for date nights at home with my husband. Nights spent in pj's. Nights where we order Chinese, snuggle (awww, I said snuggle) on the couch and watch movies all night. Nights when it doesn't matter they forgot my eggroll because they gave us 5 extra fortune cookies.(seriously, take-out people never get my order right!!! Never!)
"Uhh, yea, I'd like to order a quart of Chicken Lo Mein topped with the BBQ boneless spare ribs, with a pint of won ton soup, 59 egg rolls and while you're at it, might as well throw in a few extra fortune cookies"
Oh, Mr. Twinkie, you glutton.


I'm thankful for the day after THIS ONE.
A day where a dear friend makes it all better. A day Kelly and her girls that has have a way of erasing so much of the hurt. 

We started a band. Addison took the stage. Front and center.
She performed her new hit single "Yea Yea Yea Yea Baby you're a firework B1011111 Yea Yea Yea Yea"

Her Mama entertained the crowd with her amazing faces.

Miss Chloe charmed em' with her pretty dress and sparkling blue eyes.

I rocked out on the kitty cat keyboard (um, how appropriate) to my new smash hit, "Bite Me, Aunt Flow"

The girls took a nap while Kelly and I lounged on the couch, eating ice cream and reminiscing. Thankful for girl time. Girl time rocks!


I was thankful and so very touched, when I came home to birthday packages and loving words written inside ice cream and homemade kitty cards. From friends I met in lovely little blogland.  Thank you so much, Diana and Julia!!!



I'm thankful for...
Remember the birthday card from my Mom?...the one she told me to play when I needed to stop thinking so much...the one that meows "Happy Birthday" to Me. Yea, that's been getting a lot of play lately. AND, the kitties are kinda mega obsessed with it.  It makes them bat at each other, give each other kisses and always ends with butt sniffs. See for yourself.  (a quick preview of the crazy cat lady in all her glory, surrounded by the fluffies)
 p.s.- excuse the horrible clicking sound from the cheapo video cam on my camera. 

P.P.S. - I'm VERY thankful for my Mama and for my fluffies.

video


I'm thankful for today. 

Those are just a few of my "Thankful Thursdays"...
What are you thankful for this Thursday?


Sending out lots of Thursday Lovin',

Monday, September 26, 2011

When I Get Where I'm Going



"When I Get Where I'm Going"  Brad Paisley featuring Dolly Parton

*this song is a lasting favorite. it will never grow old to me.



Posts Weeks like these...
The ones that seem to keep occurring every 27/28 days...
They're getting old.

That's why I'm going to keep this post on the shorter side. (well, shorter for my posts anyway)

Sunday, I found myself driving on the same exact road, crying the same kind of tears, as the ones in THIS POST.

Again, this wasn't our month.  The range of emotions that are swimming through my mind are growing as the months pass.  I don't think it's so much a bad thing.  I think it's slowly but surely getting me to the place I need to be.  And I accept that.  I have to.

I was hopeful this past weekend.  Extra hopeful.  It was free of plans.  Steve was away.  I thought of it as time relax and enjoy the house to myself.  And, I had what I thought were some pretty good symptoms.  When my period didn't show on Saturday, when it was due, it got my hopes up.  I didn't want to admit it, but it did.  I think a lot of us on this journey; we don't like to admit when we think we stand a chance.  It's a way to protect ourselves from more hurt and disappointment.  It makes the negative a tiny bit more manageable. 

That's why I didn't test this cycle.  To protect myself.  To hold onto the hope I had. 
Of course, when my hopes were crushed, I did what I do best, and cried.  Not instantly.  But instead, while driving on that same busy road as last month.  I fidgeted with the radio a million times, hoping to find a song to put me in better spirits.  And instead, found myself crying the ugliest cry, complete with snotrockets and runny mascara, while settling for Roxette's, "It Must of Been Love"... 
I didn't care who saw me. 
I came home to Steve, who had only been home for about an hour.  He felt bad.  He was upset.  And is just as disappointed as I am.

But, looking back on it, it is kind of funny...

I had to crack up when Steve told me he had a surprise for me.  Flowers? No. Taco Bell? No.
How bout' a cardboard shaped suitcase full of Whitecastle Cheeseburgers that he picked up on his way home. LOL
I felt so bad as he stood there grinning from ear to ear, standing proudly with his case of 30 (YES, 30!) mini cheeseburgers.
I couldn't think of stomaching them at the moment.
I watched as Steve scarfed down a fifth of the suitcase's belongings.
He poured me a glass of wine.  It literally took me three hours to drink half the glass.
He filled up my foot spa with warm water and put on LMN for me.
(which major EWWWW, the cats later tried to drink the "foot water" EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW *trust me kitties, you don't want any parts of that*)

In the past two years, we've grown to realize that sometimes, there just isn't anything to say about these instances. It is what it is.  My period came.  We can't change that.  Just like with all of our losses...as much as we wanted to, we couldn't stop them as they were happening.  Last night, after an emotional few hours...

Steve hugged me close.  We stood there for a good ten minutes straight without saying a single word.  I buried my face in his chest and he hugged me tighter.  He begged me to get some sleep.  Sleep didn't happen til after 5am.  Sleep is something I NEED to work on. 

I'm doing my best to focus on all that brings me joy.  I'm doing my best to "get where I'm going" and get through the grieving and "letting go" aspect of it all. 

Are we there yet?
Not quite.

Are we moving to the next chapter?
Not just yet.

Are we getting closer?
I hope and pray so.

While I had hoped this was our month...
While hoping that if it wasn't, I'd be ready to let go completely
I remind myself that it will all be worth it...no matter how many more months or maybe even years, til we reach our dream.

"Yeah when I get where I'm going
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years"

I remind myself and am reminded by loved ones, that we ARE getting there. 
Each day is another day closer.  Even the days that don't feel like it.

 
Wishing you all a Wonderful Day...as you get where you're going <3<3<3

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Looking Back

Has it really been a whole week since my last post?!
I've been busy.
Busy with life.
Busy with love.
Busy with emotions running wild.

Busy turning 29.

I could write and write and write. About deep stuff. About the 4,276 emotions that have made their way into my past week. But, not today. Soon.

Today, I want to concentrate on all that is good. All that is beautiful. All that I have to be thankful for.

And what better way to do so, than with photos.
Keepin' it sweet and simple and letting the pictures do the talking.

I can't forget the ones that didn't make it to last week's posts, before getting to the celebration pics...

There was dinner at Kurt and Kelly's house. Complete with 5 or 6 rounds of Scattergories.
Kelly thinking hard.
Before this photo/game... The letter - "L". The topic - Terms of endearment. Me - (thinking to myself, "OH yea, I'm gonna snag 2 points for this one with my 2 "L" word") My answer - "Love Letter"
Kelly begins her signature cry laugh, looks at me and says sarcastically, "What?!! How is that a term of endearment?! Oh, my little love letter!" *more cry laughter
Me - "OHHHHHHH, hahahahahahahaha that's what terms of endearment means???!"
As always, Steve shakes head.

Me and my "Love Letter"

Kelly and Kurt

Kurt (making an awesome face and hiding a stain on his shirt) and Steve

Me and Steve

My Dad and Brigid had a picnic...
Me and Dad

Me and Brigid

Dad and Brigid

Me and my brother, Nicholas

Michael Nicholas and Anthony

Me and the Mr


We had friends over for dinner and games...
Doug and Vanessa

Me and Vanessa

Doug and Steve

There was lunch with friends. Sweet little girls meeting for the first time.
Kelly Kerry Veronica and Chloe

Addison entertained us with her new dance moves and song!

Addison snapped this of Veronica or, "Rhiannica" as she kept calling her :)

Chloe borrowed Veronica's guitar and posed for the most hilariously CUTE picture!

LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture! "Back off the guitar!"

adorable.

and that concludes the pre-celebration photos.
***************************************************
And so begins all that made "29" Beautiful.

It all began with this cake.





Kelly showed up at my door with this unbelievably sweet, homemade, creative crazy cat lady cake. Complete with pictures of my precious fluffies and I, and even a peacock feather (love!)
Of course, I cried.

We walked a few doors down, to Kim's, before the 3 of us headed out. One of my awesome gifts from Kim. A rockin' kitty shirt from the little girls section! Can't wait to wear it!! :)

Next stop...
We ate. We gabbed. We laughed loudly. Maybe a little too loud.  Okay, WAY too loudly!!!
We headed to the shop downstairs for some fun.

We found ourselves acting like children in the corner of the shop, after we found these super cool glasses.
Me Kelly and Kim. Don't we look purty?!


Kim. Why so mad?! LOL

Kelly looking ever so pretty.

Me and the ice cream truck that wouldn't stop freakishly giggling at us.

on most days :)

Kim "shushhing" the $99 Amish baby


Fluffy n' Me

Me and "Rain Poncho"

Kelly (in her 10 inch heels) and I



There was dinner with my family...
Nicholas and Mom

Dad and Brigid

Nicholas and I

Me and Mom

Me and Dad *open your eyes :)

Brigid Me and Steve

All of us.

After, there was present opening and coffee at my Mom's.
There was a kitty card that "Meowed" the Happy Birthday song to me.  My Mom said to listen to it anytime I need a laugh or want to distract myself  from too much thinking. :)
Amazing-ness.


There was a crazy cat lady pillow.

There was a snoring Mr. on the couch.


There was a Saturday morning visit from Noah. Who only had 3 cat photo holders to play with at our house. We named them Ted, Melinda and Belinda.

There was Saturday night fun and dancing with friends. There was letting loose and feeling free for a night.
Me and Doug (my almost birthday twin) "dance-invisible jump roping"


Vanessa and I

Matt and Steve being goofy!

Me, Doug, A Random Creeper, Vanessa, Elizabeth and VERY sweaty Matt :)

There were Sunday morning muffins, cards and flowers from Steve on my birthday.

There was a Muffin lovin' the tissue paper!

There was a visit @ my Mom and Nani's house.
Nani and I

Me and Steve

There were gorgeous flowers and a touching card from friends, left for me to find on my doorstep.
I cried...again.

Muffin, stopping to take a whiff.

There were burritos. Yummy hot sauces. Salsa and Guacamole.

Steve making his selections.

"I don't think you need that one, honey!!!"

Happy Birthday Burrito!

There was a visit to our old stomping ground from years ago. There were drinks at a familiar table and great conversation into the night.
Me and Mr.

There was a goodnight hug from Twinkie.

There was a surprise "day after birthday" with the Mr. He took the day off and we spent all day and night together.

There was sushi.  Really, really good sushi.



There was pottery painting. Such therapy. So peaceful.

Working on "my half" of our coaster set.

Steve's finished masterpieces.

Me and my finished ladle holder ma jiggy.

Can't wait to see the colors after they get fired up!

<3<3<3


It was a birthday of many feelings...
There were tears of many kinds.

LOVED.
It is the best feeling.
To feel it so greatly.
That is something to be truly grateful for.

*looking forward to more celebrating with two very special girls tomorrow night <3

Wishing Everyone A Wonderful Wednesday!
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