Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Wide Awake

*super rambly and hormonal alert*

"Wide Awake" - Katy Perry

I had coffee with breakfast.  I had a cup at Kelly's house.  And while driving home from cleaning, I cracked open a nice cold can of my good old friend, Diet Coke.  I also cracked my streak of saying goodbye to my beloved caffeinated amigo. That first sip is always the best.  I cut it out of my life a couple weeks ago.  As I always do when starting another cycle. 
But today, I said "Bite me!" to that little voice in my head that tells me what is right and what is wrong.  It's just caffeine.  And whether I drink it or not in this lovely two week wait -
It won't change the result.  It won't hurt anything.  I know this.  I've learned it.

It's becoming more and more clear to me just how much I've learned over the years. 
Especially in these years of trying to conceive - Make a baby - Carry a minion in my womb -
 Become a mother.

I'm wide awake tonight. Deep in thought.
I find myself very aware these days.  Of my surroundings and of other's feelings.

Of little signs that make their way into my days.
I don't think signs are always answers to your questions.  I think that they are more, a way of letting you know that everything is going to be okay.
That you are loved.
 And never alone.

Like, yesterday, when I drove through town,
 to find the sky painted with cotton candy pinks and blues.

Like, when I sat at a red light yesterday. And the license plate in front of me said "BABYCAT."
Hey, might sound silly, but come on now...What does this girl have on her mind 24/7?!
Yes, you know it! Babies and cats!!

I barged through the door, ran up the steps and swung my camera around my neck. I wanted to run into town to catch the sky on fire before it set. I didn't make it.
But, after lots of coaxing to get his tush off the couch, Steve came with me for a teeny little stroll through the neighborhood.

Tonight's sky wasn't much different.

Like, over the weekend, when we sat down to eat dinner.
 I looked down.  And there, on my boob...Yes, my boob - was a little rainbow.
(Even though it was a reflection from one of the crystals on our chandelier, it still made me smile.)

Or like, a few weeks ago, when I was grocery shopping.  I decided to skip self checkout as my arm was about to fall off from my overflowing basket.
I stood in line while I listened to the conversation between the cashier and "bagger."
The cashier was a twin.  He rattled off the positives and negatives of having a twin brother to the bagger, stopping to make eye contact with me and smile as he scanned my items.  The bagger went on to tell him how lucky he was and how he always wished he had a sibling.  I smiled at them going back and forth.  And then, my eyes met the cashier's name tag.

His name was the exact name Steve and I have chosen for
 if we have a son someday.  It isn't a popular name. In fact, I don't know anyone with it.
My heart kinda stopped and raced faster than ever all at once.  I looked at him and instantly blurted out "I love your name!" With a look of surprise, he thanked me and told me it meant a lot coming from me. 
*Hopefully, he didn't think this old lady was coming onto him.  He was probably 17 or 18. ;)
I told him that if my husband and I ever have a boy, we are giving him that name.
I could tell he was flattered, as he went on to tell me about its pros and cons, and how he always loved it because it was different.
He offered to help me carry my bags to my car.  I thanked him and told him I'd be okay.

And when I reached my car, I immediately burst into tears.  Happy, crazy, hormonal, tears.
I don't know.  Moments like that can take your breath away. 

Whether it be a cotton candy sky, a "BABYCAT" license plate, a rainbow on your boob,
or an uncommon name...
Allow these "signs" to steal away with your heart.
 As minor as they seem, they are truly the great moments in life.

Speaking of "uncommon" -

Last month, I was walking around aimlessly in Home Goods. 
And this pillow caught my eye.

"Do the common things in an uncommon way."

I thought about it for the rest of the night - how much truth that sentence held. 

This journey has made an already eclectic girl like me, even more open minded.
I've dug so deep.  I've been challenged in somewhat chaotic circumstances.
I've been forced to look heavily outside the box in some instances.

But you know what - I wouldn't have it any other way.

Doing things in an uncommon way has always been my way...

It takes the plain and turns it into fun.
It takes the trying and awakens your senses and stretches your mind. 
And you realize, you're stronger than you think you are.

Just a few common things with a little uncommon twist
from this week....

Grilling in the pouring rain.
Steve is hardcore like that. ;)

Letting your cats sit at the table with you.

Meeting this girl on a "friend blind date" years ago because your husband knew you'd both totally hit it off.

This is how Kelly rolls.  She busts out a homemade eggroll from her purse.  And shamelessly eats it at Olive Garden.

Overusing the "Distortion" feature on your phone...
(Kelly, I'm still laughing!)

These two take the cake. 

Having way too much fun @ Five Below.

Playing dress up and goofing off in public.

Sitting at the bar for happy hour and ordering no alcohol, and instead -
these insanely awesome creations.

Having breakfast at your favorite spot with munchkins of good cheer and their mama...

and doing your makeup at the table.

Like I said...overusing the "Distortion" feature on your phone...

Mom and me

We had a great little walk and talk on the track today.

It's been one sweet, love-filled week. <3

Well, this vampire needs some sleep.
Good morning and good night, my friends.  Have a sweet Thursday.

I'll be back sometime this weekend.
*Trying my best to wait to test until Monday or Tuesday.  And I think I might just make it. :)

Awake and Aware Lovin',


Tina said...

I love that you are keeping yourself busy busy busy during your 2ww with awesome loved ones. :) Have a lovely weekend!

Rebecca said...

My hubby and I always had a unique name selected for our daughter. A few nights before I finally got my positive pregnancy test, I read the name in a book I was reading. I just knew it was a sign and I was pregnant. Sure enough, I was pregnant, and we will be using that name next month when our daughter arrives :)

Jenny said...

Aw, I hope all these little signs mean something great is in your near future!

KERRY said...

Holy moly that cake is huge even by my standards!! Oh it looks so good, how cheery does one piece of cake make you!! It's awesome. This post was awesome, so great to read of little signs and hidden meanings, I'm a believer of those :) Hang in there til your test...thinking of you always!!! And thank you sooooo much for my fabulous birthday voicemail, oh you made my day!!! Luv you xoxo

Angela said...

See THAT is what I love about you...a rainbow on your boob and letting your cat eat at the table with you. And that giant cake. And that destortion camera...
OMG you are just a blast. A beatiful, fun, quirky blast and I thouroughly enjoyed this post :)
I'm so glad this week has been a good one for you! And you are right, a lil caffiene won't hurt a thing. Hope it tasted ahhhmazing :)

lovejoy_31 said...

Love rainbows on the boob and the eggroll at OL. LOL!!!!! Absolutely love this post. It cracked me up as you always do. I am glad that you are doing your best to enjoy the 2 ww. Hope you continue to keep calm and have fun.


E and R said...

So hoping these "signs" are signs of great things to come! Just a few more days til Monday (or Tuesday!) you can do it!! Happy Thursday!

Kiara Buechler said...

Wait it out, wait it out, I know it's tough but testing early is so dang stressful!

MammaV. said...

Best of luck Maria, you deserve a baby. You are such a sweet and loving human being I really hope this your time.

M said...

I still drink my caffeine as well. I drank it when I got pregnant the other times as well, so I figure, why worry about it. I enjoy it, so I'm going to have it, damnit! :)

I love all the signs you're getting...the rainbows, the license plate, the cashier named Steve! Love the Wide Awake song,'s going to be stuck in my head all day now!

I've been thinking about you a lot the past couple weeks...praying for you guys and awaiting your blog post about a pregnancy test...I'm so excited and hoping that this is it! <3

Buffi Neal said...

great pictures!
New follower from the Blog Hop
My Wonderfully Dysfunctional Blog

Irish Carter of Dedicated 2 LIFE said...

I see you found the signs. What a blessing. Sometimes, we just have to keep our eyes open at what is ahead. Not sure what they mean but they do mean something. For you, I hope it is a beautiful little one for you and Steve.

Thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers. My sis has a dog that likes to sit at the table so the kitty didn't surprise me one bit. = P


Tia said...

I LOVE it that your friend whipped out an egg roll at the Olive Garden! I may just laugh about that for the rest of today!

Maria said...

I LOVE the distorted pics!!! Love Love Love!!! LOL Also, If I am ever going to look at a close up picture of your boob ther had better be a rainbow on it!

Sending you so much love and so proud that you are waiting to test. Although... if you were closer I would be at your house in a second with a pee cup and a pee stick. I'm a pusher like that. (((hugs)))

Our Little Fam said...

You are an amazing writer! Loved this post. Great pictures! It is amazing how this world works, thinking of you! xoxo

Mrs. Sanchez said...

I am a new follower on your blog - came over from the thursday blog hop.

Your blog was rambling and perhaps hormonal, but I absolutely loved reading it. You experience the day with such passion.

Doing the common things in an uncommon way - I love that!

Follow me back at

Ashley said...

I seriously want that cake right now! Good thing I didn't read this post last night when I had a serious chocolate craving! :)

I see signs all the time too.... I really do. I hope all your signs are pointing to a positive test!!

Wishing you a great weekend!!

Kathy Radigan said...

Maria, I had to laugh when I read about you and caffeine I remember my first four pregnancies being obsessed with every little thing I did and when I got pregnant with my son I was careful but I thought, what the heck, a cup of coffee every now and then is not going to upset the applecart. The one thing it did do is give a kid who loves coffee!! Lol! I love that you saw signs, I think it's wonderful that you are keeping positive and true to yourself!! Sending much love!! xoxo

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

I was going to text you today to see how you are doing. Thinking of you.xoxo

Karen Fieri said...

I love signs and I love that you see them! I also think it's awesome how you have been picking songs to match your titles :) That dessert was HUGE. Amazing!

Jess said...

I'm with you on signs...I don't necessarily believe them, but they certainly give one a bit of hope.

Hope you guys have a great weekend!

Heather @ A Little Hope in My Pocket said...

ummm... that dessert looks amazing!!! And, now I'm officially hungry.

Kristina said...

You're such an inspiration!! Love your positive attitude ad outlook!! Those desserts looked amazing! Yum-o!!


Judy Haughton-James said...

Hi Maria,
I hope your weekend is off to a good start. I just love all your pictures! Wow! The sky scenes are awesome. The licence plate sign and pillow message are real cool. I am glad you saw them. Oh yes, you met one of twins and you like his name. Hey, I am wishing that you have twins so think of an extra name, just in case!:) I am glad you are having fun times and I pray that everything will work out for you. You look so at ease and perfect for the role of mother holding the baby. Your cat is so-o-o cute. Just look how his eyes are focussed on the food. I am feeling so hungry now just looking at all the wonderful food shown here Maria. I can't wait for supper. I will be eating some jerk chicken. Take very good care of yourself and keep the faith. Lots of Love, Friendship and Best wishes always.

Camille said...



That cashier story is too good. I mean, really? Someone is smiling down on you, lovey. You're right it is so important to remember you are always looked out for. I need a reminder of that all of the time.

I also like the "do common things in an uncommon way" line.

Cheers! :))

JP said...

Anything can be or mean something if you know what you're looking for. The great thing about you is that you look for the positive, encouraging things.

waitingforarainbow said...

I love signs, especially the ones that you just KNOW are meant for you to notice, the ones that make you walk to your car in the parking lot crying. It's so powerful! I can feel so many positive vibes from your signs! I had goosebumps reading this post.
Haha I over use apps like the distortion one, they're way too much fun, and never get old. I was giggling to myself over your pictures.
You and your mom are at the track A LOT! You girls rock, seriously. I think it's sweet that you're both so close, and spend so much time together. And pretty amazing that you go for so many miles! I'd die after about half a mile lol.
You look just as beautiful as always! I'll be "patiently" awaiting monday/tuesday with you! Xoxo

~Rian said...

Is it Monday or Tuesday yet? :-) I keep praying for you and you are always in my thoughts!

PS. I love this Katy Perry song! It is one of my new faves. :-)

~Rian said...

okay....last comment....but dang I am loving your music choices!!!

"Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart"

I know the lyrics were in your last post but dang they so ring true right now.


Cami said...

Being & staying busy is so important...I bet it helps!! :)

Your lace top is so pretty - like you <3

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