Saturday, August 31, 2013

Change




"Change" - Carrie Underwood



The last day of August.  The unofficial last day of summer.  One day until September.
Oh, I hope it's a good one.  A great one.  A make-it-the-best-damn-day-you-can kinda day.

I drove tonight.  Well, last night.  It's morning.  I'm playing vampire.  There's adrenaline running through me.  Energy that has nowhere to settle but in the tips of my fingers.  So, I'm gonna type for a bit.  And probably excuse myself for a few to feed Piper.  (She usually wakes around this hour for a little early morning snack before heading back to sleep).

Where was I.  Ahh, I drove tonight last night.  And I lost myself in a sea of emotions, thinking back on these past few months...this summer, and all the surprises and madness and sweet memories.
I laughed to myself.  I cried to the songs I play over and over again - therapy (and maybe a little bit of torture) through lyrics on repeat.
I gave thanks for all I am blessed with in this life of mine.  And I prayed for peace.  For everyone I love.  And yes, for me too.
Like the quote - "Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
That is what I think we all long for at the end of the day.


Tonight, I came home after cleaning and running errands.  I put away groceries and poured myself an old cup of coffee.  I made small talk with Steve while I figured out something quick to eat.  And within a minute, Piper woke up.  (Lately, she wakes up around 11 or 12 and then again around 5 or so before heading back to sleep.)  I was exhausted.  I was hungry.  I needed to pee and pump.  And I was super moody.
But then I walked into Piper's nursery.  I swooped her up and rocked her close.  I felt her head sweetly collapse into my chest as she fell back into a deep sleep.  
And I felt that peace.
I felt that calmness in my heart.


I need to work on finding the peace more often.  I mean, I think I try my best most days.  
But sometimes, life gets in the way.  And I let it get the best of me.

There's no doubt that this summer took me on the greatest emotional ride of my life.
Welcoming Piper into the world and watching her grow and change and become the beautiful, funny, magical babe she is, all while my father battles what comes his way each day after his heart attack...
It's hard to put into words exactly what it feels like.
Heavy.  
Yes, heavy is a good word.

The happiest of happy.  And the saddest of sad.  All stuffed in one heart.
They don't like sharing the same space.
But luckily, the happy usually wins.

I have hopes for this upcoming month...this new season...

Change.

Change in the things I do have some control over.  
And the peace of knowing that some things, I cannot change - that's the hardest part sometimes.
Oh, I can be so stubborn.  It is a blessing and curse.

As I mentioned in my last post,  our little trip got me thinking a lot about my life.  More than anything, I thought about all that has changed.  And how quickly 365 days can pass.  It had been almost exactly a year since our last visit with my friend, Julia, and her family.


I pulled an all-nighter Friday into Saturday, two weeks ago.  I packed us up.  I did laundry at 3 in the morning.  I pumped while I ate ice cream.  I excitedly woke Steve up at 5 to start getting the SUV ready.  I woke Piper up for her early morning snack and told her it was time for her first real road trip. She had a grin on her face.  She couldn't wait...Miss Road Trip Pip.

Steve got her all comfy in her carseat...still in her footie pajamas.




We stopped for some coffee and sugar-infested snacks, and were off.
Piper slept most of the 6+ hour drive, waking up to eat (and poop).  She did awesome.  
Cried for only a bit.
 Road Rage Randy Steve only came out a few times with the traffic.
And I felt exhilarated, despite my lack of sleep.
I was going to see my friend.  And her sweet family.  And her baby bump.
I knew that peace that I wrote of above would be in my heart big time.
And I knew we'd have just as wonderful (if not more wonderful) a time as we did last year.









We made a pit stop at Walmart.  Pajama Piper auditioned for "Babies of Walmart."



And later, checked out some peeps near a dumpster with Daddy.


It was early afternoon when we arrived in Massachussettes.
Steve parked and I unhooked Pips out of her carseat.
I had a lump in my throat as I walked towards Julia.
Her babes, only four months, the last time I saw them, were now walking beside her.
And Piper, just an eight week old bean in my belly last year, was now a 16 pound girl on my hip.

Ahh, sweet change.


Our two nights/three days together were surely not enough.  But it certainly felt good.

There's so much I could say about our visit.
To catch up for hours...felt wonderful.  To eat a ton of amazing food together...that felt wonderful, too.  To see our little girls wearing the matching dresses we got for them...that made my heart explode.  More than anything, though, to be together with our children...that put my heart at peace.

I look at all these pictures and they pretty much speak for themselves.
 

I truly believe Julia and I were meant to meet.
It's kind of unbelievable...how similar the paths that our lives have taken.
Over the past few years, we've shared a lot.
So much happy and a decent amount of heartache, too.

I've learned so much from our friendship.
And am grateful for it every day.

Julia, thank you for welcoming Zesty Steve, Piper and me into your home.   Thank you for continuously teaching me about patience and a crazy kind of strength.  Thank you for being open and real and honest.  Thank you for sharing your family with mine.  Thank you for all the love you've shown us.  Thank you for letting me fart in your living room all night after too much chicken and broccoli.  Thank you for always being there...even though we're miles apart.
  I love you.  I miss you, dammit.

So does Piper. <3


Our visit...









































































 Sweet changes...


 *****



*****


Happy.  Heavy.  Heart.

<3<3<3


I'll be back next week with a post exploding with memories from the past few weeks.
After that post, I'm thinking of some changes as far as posts go...
More of them.  Some focusing on one day at a time.  Some about motherhood.  Some about Pips.  About the Mr.  Some about whatever I'm feelin' in that moment.


Happy Weekend.






Only Lovin',


21 comments:

E and R said...

Love the quote about peace - I'm going to have to remember that one. Isn't it just amazing how no matter how bad the day/night is, just seeing their smiling face makes things better?
Sounds like a great trip. Love all the pictures and as always, Piper just looks adorable.
Hope your weekend is a great one. Sending much love and prayers your way!

Tracy said...

Love that quote, thank you for sharing. Looks like a fun trip for everyone!

Rian Eidson said...

Wow....the changes a year brings are amazing. You have had so many ups and some downs. I'm so glad you were able to get away and visit with Julia and her family, I'm sure it was so refreshing. I love the pictures! Piper's little red shoes are so cute!!! I always enjoy reading your blogs, your writing is so expressive and the pictures are always plentiful which I love! I hope you have a wonderful weekend! Xoxoxo

Rebecca said...

What great pics! The final one of the chubbies is my fav!

Looks like a wonderful trip! Babies, bumps and sushi! Doesn't get much better than that!

Ericka said...

Two of my favorite blogs to stalk...um...follow. :) It's great to see all of you! Such beautiful babies and the bump and all of it!

tickledpinkwithrosesandpearls.com said...

It brought tears to my eyes!
You are both so blessed, all of the children (and their Mommies) are beautiful!
Cherish every moment!
Michele

Olivia said...

I tried really hard not to cry.

This was a beautiful post. I love how honest you are... even the farting, lol... that was so me tonight after girls night in the car, haha ;)

Infertile625 said...

"Change in the things I do have some control over.
And the peace of knowing that some things, I cannot change - that's the hardest part sometimes."

Maria- I can not tell you how much I needed to hear that. It made my hormonal emotional self bawl. This is such a beautiful post. A beautiful friendship. And beautiful families. You are truly blessed and a reminder of how we are all blessed you just have to embrace what you have. Today I am peaceful & blessed.

MrsV said...

I love how the girls had matching outfits :) so cute!

I hope you continue to find peace and balance, no doubt that heart (and mind) of yours are ready to burst at the seams with so many different emotions. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you are such an amazing and strong person, it is truly something to be admired. You have been through so many battles over the years and continue to come out on top with that beautiful smile on your face.
Stay strong my friend and peace will find you <3

Janet said...

What a splendidly beautiful post. Thank you for sharing Maria. I can truly feel the love that you share for one another and it's a beautiful thing. xoxo

Mrs. E said...

I miss you guys!!! Please tell Princess P that C says hi and she's SO flattered to have a doll named after her :) F says hi, too, and next time, he hopes to have a bigger vocabulary. Somehow, "hi," "up," "more," and "DOG!" did not accurately express his feelings... ;) Love you xoxo

Jodi Stuber said...

As always what a beautiful post. Beautiful pictures and beautiful words. Looking forward top more posts and more sweet pictures. Lotsa love.. Take care ;)

mail4rosey said...

Aww, your little Road Trip Pip makes THE cutest faces!!

I love the little matching dresses. Good friends make for good visits. :)

I'm glad you got out and had a good time. Also glad to hear your nice hubby gets grouchy driving in traffic, makes me feel better about my own Road Rage Randy living in the house (aka Hubby). :)

Heather @ Notes from the Nelsens said...

I'm so glad you guys got to get away for the weekend and enjoy some much-needed time with friends! The kids are beautiful. I remember you posting last year! Can't believe how much they've grown. I know it had to be fun to see the changes that have taken place in the last year. :)

Hope you're dad is slowly making progress in the right direction. Praying for him and for you!

...and love that picture toward the bottom of Steve kissing the side of your face and you with that big grin- pure sweetness :)

Have a great weekend, Maria!

~Heather

Kerry said...

Such a beautiful post Maria, for a beautiful friend and the sweet memories you have made together on this past visit and all the years of your friendship. Good friends like that are an absolute blessing in life. How wonderful that you all spent some quality time together, I wish I could spend that time with you too!!
Gorgeous pictures, pretty matching dresses, sweet baby Piper, oh and the love that radiates from you & Steve is admirable, a perfect pair!!
I am thinking of you and love you and wish you a wonderful weekend and I hope to read one day soon that your dad is a picture of health and back to normal. I completely understand how your heart can be heavy at the same time as full, it's bittersweet xoxo

Judy Haughton-James said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Judy Haughton-James said...

Oh how I love that quote about peace Maria! I am so glad you, Steve and Piper were able to visit your friend and her family and have a great time. I love all the beautiful pictures. Gee, the matching outfits are so cute. Piper loves road trips Maria! You have to take her on more!:) It is good to be able to visit your blog after going through a rough time. I aim to find peace amidst everything. Take care my friend. Lots of Love, Friendship and Best wishes to you, Steve and Piper.

Rachel said...

I have not commented in a while but I have been checking in on you. Usually on my ipad so comments are hard to do on there. I am glad you had a great trip with your friend! Piper is adorable is growing so fast! We are expecting #2 in Feb! It seems like yesterday I was praying for #1 our babies are such a blessing. I am glad you are doing well! Big Hugs!

Faith said...

Such a great quote! I completely needed to read that :)

Your pictures make me smile everything. They are filled with so much love. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and vibes as you've been doing for me. Adore you woman!

I'll Love You Forever said...

I love that quote on Peace. Our lives are constantly on the go and sometimes it is hard to be at peace. I loved this post and it is also how I feel :)
I am so glad you had a great road trip and that Pips did a good job!
Love you Maria!
xoxo

Ashley said...

I struggle big.time with finding peace. I try and I try but some days I just fail...but I am learning to accept that. :)

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