Friday, September 14, 2012

Hello World

*this is a two for one.  two posts.  one page.  



 "Hello World" - Lady Antebellum

  

Exactly two weeks ago, at ten and a half weeks pregnant, I snapped this photo of my husband.



We were sitting in the parking lot of our doctor's office, taking five minutes together before he left for work. We held hands as we read the two page letter our doctor handed us before we left. The letter, beginning with detailed information of our journey and ending with touching and beautiful words.
He was sending us off.
We graduated.
I kissed Steve goodbye.  Got in my car.  And just sat in amazement.  Clutching this picture as tears streamed down my face.
This tiny sheet of paper carried so much significance. 
This tiny baby - we already love so deeply.


That appointment was bittersweet at its finest.
The nurse shook our hands after my ultrasound. She told us to make sure to send an announcement come March and to bring the baby in for a visit.
It really all started hitting me...Bring the baby in for a visit.  Send us an announcement.

Yes, of course.

Because, there is going to be a baby.  We are having a baby.

After, we sat with our doctor.  He grinned and asked me how I was feeling.
"Wonderful, so wonderful" I replied in between deep breaths.
We talked for a while - About the past couple years.  The heartache and struggles.  Even his recommendations for when we are ready for another baby.

But mostly, about where we are right now. 

I tried my best to swallow the lump in my throat as he began saying goodbye...
Telling us he had full faith that this is it.
That we were a pleasure to work with and that we always stood out to him as a couple who stuck together and displayed teamwork.
And then he asked for a hug.  And I couldn't help but let the tears fall as I thanked him for all he has done and made possible for Steve and I.
My last words to him were "You're awesome!"


Dammit, this whole crazy, beautiful, chaotic, blessed mess of a journey is awesome.
And that day, two weeks ago, was such a proud moment for us.
I certainly didn't graduate from high school with flying colors. 
 I never went to college.
But on Friday, August 31st, 2012,
I graduated.  From "something" that meant the most to me...
 With a sense of accomplishment. With the man I love right beside me.

From the time I was a little girl until now, at almost 30 years of age - the one thing I've desired, hoped and dreamed to become more than anything in this world is finally becoming a reality.
And it feels good. So damn good.
<3<3<3<3<3


I thought the day I wrote about above was special.
And then five days later, on the following Wednesday, we met my new OB.
I didn't know what to expect.
I spent our first year of trying with my old OB and two years with our fertility doctor.
This was all new to me.
We arrived early to fill out the stack of paperwork for new patients.
I signed my name a million times.  Poked Steve with my pen every time he shook his head at me and laughed when I wrote Marino in the "first name" spot and Maria in the "last name" spot.
And then got to the page where they ask - How many pregnancies?  How many living children?


 I wrote down 8 and 0.
And I smiled and even smirked a bit, as odd as that may sound. 
 I looked up at Steve, knowing he was watching my every move, making sure I didn't write our address in the "phone number" spot for the fourth time in a row. 
This overwhelming feeling came over me.
There have definitely been times in this journey where I've been down on myself and sick and tired of it all. Times where I've thought to myself "I've been pregnant x amount of times and have nothing to show for it."
I smiled because I realized that we were sitting right smack in the middle of another wonderful milestone.  We've been pregnant 8 times.  But that 0 is going to become 1.
We beat the odds that were against us. 


We sat for a long time waiting to be called back.
And then, the secretary walked up to us. She handed me a bag and said "Congratulations, Maria.  Here's a little goody bag that we give to all new moms."


Steve grabbed it and started rooting through it.  I think he was secretly hoping to find some beef jerky and a 6-pack. Instead, we found diaper samples, nursing pads and mama magazines galore.
Such a happy moment.

As was the next hour and a half we spent with the nurse and doctor.
We love our OB.
I really couldn't have asked for a better transition.  
She's so caring, sensitive and honest. 
And though I worried a bit beforehand if I'd be able to just be myself and click with her the way I did with our fertility doctor - I realized quickly that I had nothing to worry about.
She sat with us, went through all of our paperwork and read the letter our doctor had sent to her.


She kept repeating 7 miscarriages.
Not just in disbelief, but in total interest in wanting to hear our story.
Steve and I took turns telling her about the ups and downs of the past three years as she sat and listened intently.  She so genuinely cared.  You could just feel it.


I was 11 weeks and 2 days and knew there would be a chance she would try to listen for the baby's heartbeat.  I discussed with Steve in the waiting room that if she asked, I would wait until the next appointment (knowing that they usually wait until 12 weeks).  I had never heard the baby's heartbeat.  Not in this pregnancy. Or any others.
But then without a word, she popped out the doppler and told me she'd like to give it a try.
She told us there was a possibility it was still a bit early, and not to worry if we didn't hear it.


I went to lay down.  Giving Steve wide eyes, smiling nervously,
 like, yeah, who am I kidding? I'm not going to turn this down.
And I swear, almost 2 seconds after she placed the wand on my stomach,
the room filled with the most amazing sound I've ever heard.

Fast and loud
 swoosh, swoosh, swooshes.

Steve said it sounded like a subway.

I announced I was crying through the happiest laughter.  I was shaking, quivering and must have said
That's so neat
about 12 times.
I could see Steve sitting teary-eyed, smiling.  I kept my eyes on him, as we took in that unforgettable moment together.  Our doctor couldn't believe it was the first time we'd ever heard a heartbeat in our journey.  She kept the wand there, letting us take it all in for a while as she told me to
 cry away and never forget this moment.
She shared stories of her first emotional time hearing her first baby's heartbeat.


As we were closing the appointment up, she looked up at me and asked when I'd like to come back.  She told us the standard is usually in another four weeks, but that it was my choice...I could come back in two if I wanted or whenever I felt comfortable.
"4 weeks sounds good" I replied.
I feel so calm and like I'm ready to embrace this pregnancy more than ever.  I truly believe this is our take home baby, I said.
She smiled at me and told me she does too.  That she's happy to see me embrace it after everything.  And that no matter what, whether it be I have a bad dream one night...or if I'm walking down the street one day and get a bad feeling...or just simply want to hear the sound of my baby's heartbeat -
to not hesitate to call and come in from now until the end.


I feel so lucky.  So blessed, to have such incredible people to watch over us along the way.

To have such intense love from my friends and family...
From people I've never met but have been fortunate enough to get to know throughout this journey.
Thank you.
To everyone
who has kept on believing with us.
Who has cheered us on through the good and bad.

Thank you for embracing it right along with us.

It means more than you know.
<3<3<3

Thank you for making it feel even more real...


Though we don't know the gender yet, my mom always has a treat for the baby.
The cherries might not work so well for a boy,
but the baby will rock the hoodie no matter what gender.


My mom's best friend, Karen, took me to Babypalooza yesterday (okay, I made that name up).  It was an expo and explosion of baby stuff.
(We missed you, mom. She had to work.)


We spent hours walking around.
Generous as always, Karen treated me to everything in my bag.
And then, in true Maria fashion, I cried and made her cry on our way out, as I hugged her and thanked her for such a meaningful day.

I found a few maternity jeans and tops.
And got to try them on in this fancy and high class dressing room.



Poor Dora needs a straightener and some conditioner!


After breakfast, I came home and snapped a few pictures of some of the bag's belongings...

brand new baby Minnetonkas for $4.50

a Baby Bjorn for 12 bucks. almost brand new.

Twinkie liked the baby radio.

I am gonna live in these.  They make my gut happy.


And Muffin loved the baseball toy.


Last week, Steve sent me an email with a link to a huge set of baby cds he bought on sale.
The title made me burst into tears.

***

Yes,
 I'm one emotional, hormonal pregnant woman!
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Thank you to everyone! <3

Have a fabulous weekend!


Milestone Lovin',



39 comments:

Diana said...

Maria... I LOVE YOU!!!!! there aren't enough words to say right now to let u know HOW EFFIN HAPPY WE ALL FOR THE MARIIIIIINOS!!! <3

Beth F. said...

I was at Babypalooza on Wed night and saw Dora. Lady definitely needs some keratin up in there!

So happy for you! I've been waiting for your 12 week post ever since you first announced this pregnancy. You deserve this more than ANYONE!!

Maria said...

No more calling it a gut! It is your baby bump, dear!

<3 You!

~Rian said...

Awwwwww.....best post! Beano is beautiful and I just want to cry reading about you hearing the heartbeat. It is the best sound ever!!!!!! And yay for baby stuff! So happy for you, Maria!

Xoxo

M said...

You just had to make me cry, didn't you! And here at work. Seriously people think I'm nuts ;) But I just get chills reading this. I'm so so happy for you guys! I haven't even met you...but I feel like I know you. You guys are going to be such amazing parents! I can't WAIT for the day when I can hear a hearbeat...how amazing that must've been! Ugh...crying again! Lots of hugs! <3

Diana said...

I just went back to read ur description of hearing the heart beat. And I'm here at work with my mascara running. It IS such an incredible feeling hearin that magical sound. It's sooooooo beautiful. I'm in tears because I remember this moment and now UR going through it an I remember praying and talking to God so many times to give u this moment. And He has. It's amazing. Ugh... Tears. I'm about to start my cycle so that's why IM hormonal also! Different reason than urs but still hormonal! Lol.

Angela said...

Thank you for making my day with this post :)

I have never been in your shoes Maria, and as I think about your story (that I happened to stumble on right as this very very very happy ending began, although it's not an "ending" but you know what I mean) you remind me to not take life for granted. I keep touching my belly and thinking "thank you Lord for giving me my babies." You remind me what a miracle it is. I'm so happy you have "graduated".
And the rocker hoody is perfect :)

So are you feeling any better at you come out of the first trimester?

Melissa said...

I have happy tears streaming down my face right now. I am so thrilled for you!

Jen said...

I've been checking in hoping I would find this post! It is wonderful to read it. Here's to hearing many more 'swooshes' before meeting your treasure in March : ) I can't believe how far you've come in only four months. SO happy for you both x

joannalynnwarren said...

Maria - I've been following when I see a post on Facebook, but not as constant as I'd like. I read this entry and cried! (I felt like maybe we were crying together - happy tears of joy for you, your husband and the faith that will bring this new little one into your lap!) I'm so excited for you and will be praying, praying, praying for every little bit of this next journey for you and Mike. Love you (even though it's been centuries LOL!) - Joanna (Pentz) Warren

Aleisha McD said...

Best post ever! It made me miss you both like crazy crazy crazy! You two deserve so much happiness in all this. You deserve to be parents. You deserve to experience the joy of having a baby in your homes and in your lives. You deserve all the good that parenthood has to offer. I'm loving you fiercely today. And missing you more than I can say. Big hugs and kisses from UT, mama!

Rachel said...

I'm so darn happy for you!! My eyes watered up as I read this with Annabelle rolling around a making what I call squawking sounds at my feet. I remember all those feelings of "this is it"!!! Remember each and every one and march will be here before you know it. I'm so glad you have such a great Dr. Sending you big hugs!!

September 14, 2012 1:28 PM

Heather said...

I agree - best post EVER!!!! Glad you are loving your doctor and that she cared about hearing YOUR story. You are in good hands. This is it. (hugs) and continued prayers, my friend!

Brittany said...

This post made me SO happy!! What an AMAZING doctor you have...and certainly deserve. It feels like so many answered prayers have made this moment a reality for you and Steve and it is such a beautiful, perfect thing. Seriously have the chills from reading this....SO thrilled for you, sweet Momma Maria!!

Those baby mocassins....I DIE. Cutest.thing.ever. And yay for comfy maternity jeans...pretty much the best part of pregnancy (besides the sweet little precious growing baby, of course). Your Mom is gonna be such a great grandma to Baby Beano...looks like she is already!

Hope you guys have an amazing weekend!!!!

Kathy Radigan said...

So, so happy for you! I remember the feeling when I graduated with my first pregnancy and all the feeling it brought up. Our doctor was great to and would see me the minute I had a bad feeling or felt a cramp and I so appreciated it. After 5 miscarriages I needed the support and reassurance. When I finally delivered our first child the whole office was excited because they had known all we had gone through. People we hardly knew sent us gifts because they had known of our struggle. It was an amazing experience. I am so thrilled that you are starting on this part of the journey. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Sending much love!

Adi said...

Beautiful. And that heartbeat is the best sound ever. Your post got me all choked up. Enjoy every minute!

MrsV said...

This post makes me want to cry happy tears <3
I'm so so SO thrilled and excited for you guys! Hearing that heart beat is such an amazing moment, nerve wracking and so reassuringly beautiful all at once. I'm having flashbacks <3
It sounds like you have an amazing OB :)
I realized today I haven't emailed you back but I will soon I promise :)
oxox
V

Heather Nelsen said...

Ahhh, you did it again. You made me laugh and cry and then laugh and cry again. OH this post makes me so happy!! Your OB sounds amazing!!! I am really just beside myself imagining you two hearing that sound for the first time. "Take home baby" indeed. :)

You rock.

~Heather

Judy Haughton-James said...

This is it for sure Maria! I am so happy that everything is going well. You and Steve deserve this! As always I love the pictures. The things you have already received for the baby are so cute. The baby radio is real cool! Continue to enjoy this wonderful time of your life and I send you, Steve and Beano lots of love, friendship, best wishes and happiness. Have a great weekend!

Our Journey Through This Lovely Life said...

I LOVE this post!!! I am so over the moon for you and Steve! What a wonderful wonderful post!! :))))

Cinnie said...

:***)

Kiara Buechler said...

Those were some awesome finds at Babypalooza! Wonderful that you got to hear the baby's heartbeat so well, I only got to hear mine faintly for about 2 seconds at 12 weeks, it was not very satisfying!

JennRox said...

I'll admit, my emoooshuns make me uncomfortable, but I love all the times you've made me cry! I'm still unleashing tears. I'm so happy, proud, and happy again for you. I know it takes courage to share with the world what mountains you and Steve have climbed. You both are amazing people and will, without a doubt, make amazing parents! I, like your sweet new OB, can wait to see pics come march and follow your guys' journey of parenthood! Can you please send me via fb your mailing address so I can send beano, baby Marino, your swoooshy, a present? I would be so honored to do so. Xox

tickledpinkwithrosesandpearls.com said...

I tear up every time I read one of your posts!
I am sooooo happy for you guys.
Hugs,
Michele

JP said...

This is a wonderful post! I am over the moon happy for you and Steve.

You scored some great deals!

And Steve's message was definitely a tear jerker.
Love, JP

Stephanie N. said...

I LOVE THIS! Oh my gosh, you made me cry half a dozen times in this post. Words cannot express how happy I am for you and Steve. Ahhh, my heart is so happy for you guys!

I just know that you're going to be the GREATEST mom, Maria! I can't wait to read all about EVERYTHING.

I hope you're having a sweet, sweet weekend! <3 <3 <3

Jessica @ TheCrazyChaoticHouse said...

i love this post so so much! hope your having an awesome weekend and hopefully your feeling good these days!!!!

Jenny said...

This post makes me so happy!!!

lovejoy_31 said...

I read this when I was out of town this weekend so I didn't get a chance to comment, but this made me both laugh and cry. This is your time Maria! I feel it in my bones. Love to you and Steve and enjoy absolutely every single second.

<3,
Joy

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

I LOVE YOU GIRL!! I COULDNT BE HAPPIER FOR YOU AND STEVE! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY IN YOUR SECOND TRIMESTER> BABY BOY/GIRL IS A STRONG ONE AND WILL HAVE THE BEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD!!!

S. Yissele said...

Congrats!!! I love your Blog! I'm a new following from Mingle Monday! I follow your Blog for Google Friends Connect! I hope your visit!

Namaste!
http://www.mamiholisticaygenial.com

Irish Carter of Dedicated 2 LIFE said...

Oh - Best post I have read YET! So much to celebrate. I wish I could pack a gift bag for your hubs with some jerky and a 6-pack...haha I loved the email and message you got and the excitement and blessings that you are both experiencing. I hope you win $10,000 on that one site so that you can do the most over the top redo of a baby nursery...could you imagine? hahaha

OK, I'm off to go get my little snug bug (Maddi). By the way, she read your comment and I told her she had a comment on her blog series...she thought it was WAYYYY COOL. Thanks Maria. Sending hugs and love to you both.

Irish
Dedicated2life.com

waitingforarainbow said...

Okay, I can already tell that I am going to leave you the longest comment EVER. After all, I'm technically commenting on 2 posts. ;) (It will probably be scattered, and crazy... but I just have so much going on in my head after reading this!) So here it goes:
I'm pretty sure this is my favorite post of yours yet. Scratch that- I'm positive. This post sent instant tears down my cheeks the minute I started reading!
Seeing Steve holding those pictures is so incredible, and then to see the email he sent you at the end of your post, just makes it even more amazing. He is SO excited to finally be a Dad!! It is really so sweet!
I really began to cry when I saw beano looking less like a blob or a monkey, and more like a baby. I love the tiny little arms, and curled up legs. Ohhmygooodness!! MARIA THAT IS YOUR BABY!!!
And s/he graduated :')!!! You all graduated! A million congrats to you guys for that. I have been wanting to read those words on your blog from the day I began following you. So many tears of joy!
(By the way... my turned my tears into insane laughter when you said Steve was probably looking through the bag for jerky, and a 6 pack. HAHAHAHA! I can just picture him tearing through it.)
I am thrilled that you love your new ob. Every aspect of this pregnancy should be nothing short of amazing, so it's pretty important that you love your ob! She sounds perfect, and so understanding.
Isn't it so great to go through the rest of your pregnancy like everybody else does?? I will never forget how incredibly happy I was as I stood at the desk at my doctors office, making my NEXT appointment 4 weeks from my first. Such a HUGE milestone! And lady, you are blowing past all kinds of milestones!! AHHH :D
I am so proud of you for choosing to wait the 4 weeks between appointments. You really know this one is it!! Your strength and faith after all that you have been through is so admirable.
EEEEK, and you finally got to hear a heartbeat!! I can only imagine what that must have been like for you and Steve. :') (I was going to ask you if you wanted me to send you my doppler, and then realized that might sound like a creepy-maybe gross-offer lol.)
I am so excited to see you are starting to shop for beano!!! Seeing how you spoil those kitties, I can only imagine how spoiled little bean will be!!
Maria, you really are going to be a wonderful Mother in every single way. <3
Well, I think I've exceeded a 2 post comment, so I am going to leave you be now :)
I hope you have a wonderful week! I know you're loving this fall weather as much as I am!!
Lots of love,
Heather

Moosey Mommy said...

So incredibly happy for you!!!

KERRY said...

Hi pretty pregnant lady!!! I loved this post, you write so well and straight from the heart :) I am beyond happy and excited for you and I think of you everyday and I always hope and wish for the very best with this pregnancy and I couldn't be happier for you both that you have heard that tiny precious heartbeat of that awesome little being inside of you!! Yes Steve, YOU ARE going to be a dad, how frikkin' cool is that!!!! And Maria, mummy Maria, you are going to be a wonderful, loving mother and that baby of yours is going to be so very blessed to have you both for parents. You are doing an amazing job, keep it up, keep smiling, keep the faith, keep on looking towards March...If I could hug you, I would!! I hope you are feeling great as time passes, hopefully the morning sickness has eased for you. It is sooo hard saying goodbye to the Doctors and Nurses you grow to love throughout pregnancy and birth, I missed mine for ages!! Have a fantastic weekend my friend, luv you xoxoxoxo

carlia said...

this post makes me so happy! you are so blessed to have such great doctors. seriously amazing. boy, did you score on the baby gear! those little shoes are to die for! i am so glad y'all are finally at a point where you can say "we're going to be parents". it is just magical!

Miki's scrapbook said...

Maria, yep, it's me again, haha. You are the only one who can catch my attention to the point where I have to read every single word you write. Reading you makes me smile and even though I have never met you, knowing that you're having this baby fills me with joy! ;D

Tight hugs!

Miki.

Miki's scrapbook said...

Oh, one more thing! The beef jerky part made me laugh, hahaha! :P

RoryBore said...

Popping over from Kerry's blog....and I don't know even know you, first visit to your blog and I have gone through 4 kleenex from crying, and I think I might have pulled something from laughing at the beef jerky comment, but mostly just so happy for you.
I feel so privileged to share in this amazing joy even in just a small dose. Thank you!

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