A Thousand Years

i"A Thousand Years" - Christina Perri

"All is well, Maria." 

I woke up today to those four little words.

As every phone call from our doctor's office in the past few years has been of great importance,

 this one by far...

has been my Favorite.

I don't think the kind woman on the other line could have chosen four more perfect words to help sew those last few stitches in my heart...

I am at peace. 

I can say that out loud now.  I can genuinely believe in it.  Because, I feel it.

How do I feel?

I feel light.  I feel free.  I feel content.

You wait for what seems like a lifetime for some things to make sense. To have that moment, where in an instant, something just clicks.  Your heart races.  You let go of fear. Your soul speaks to you. 

And without a thought, you take that giant leap into what you know and trust

 is the rest of your life.

Monday was our day.

We found our donor. 

We made that call.

And in just mere minutes,

Steve and I were standing.  Embracing one another, and embracing the truth...

That every single day we traveled on that long and windy road...the big ups, the huge downs...all the doubts and uncertainties along the way...

They brought us here.

Here, where we've hoped and prayed to be all along.

A place where love is exactly what it should be. No definition necessary. 

A place where you realize that those jagged stones in the path were really friends is disguise.

A place that only brings you another page closer.

It only took five minutes to make that phone call on Monday.  Only seconds to hear that we are "good to go" and our "specimen" is in safe keeping until my next cycle begins.

But, it took years...

Hundreds of days to get here.

Hundreds of days - that sometimes felt like a "thousand years."

The memories that flashed before me when I realized this was really happening - that we were really doing this and taking this next step...

Those were the most significant and rewarding memories I've ever felt with my husband.

I remembered the days of anger.  The pure fear and doubt.  The rage inside of us to wanna fix it.  And the hopes that it was just a nightmare.  I remember our lowest of moments.  Times where Steve couldn't even speak to me without tears.  I remember a fight so big, I was literally in the bathtub with my clothes on, holding his car keys, so he couldn't leave...begging and pleading for him to talk to me.

I can recall them all, and now,

I can smile.  I can cry proud tears. 

 I see a man who speaks of our journey to anyone who will listen.  Who isn't ashamed.  Who is more than ready and who has taught me more than I think he will ever know.

And I believe, without hesitation...

that the woman I spoke to this morning was absolutely right...

All is well.

***

As for the details on our donor...traits, hair and eye color, characteristics mentioned on his profile...

There's not any need to mention them.

All I need to do

when I want to see the father of our child someday,

is look at the beautiful, strong man who's standing beside me in this photo...

For love, is the greatest detail of them all.

and we are so gratefully

"One Step Closer."

<3

***

Thank you for the past, the present

and the future.

Thank you.  All of you.

***

Just 3 weeks, and a new cycle chapter truly begins.

***

A little celebration of great new beginnings...

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

Love...just Love,