Thursday, February 16, 2012

A Thousand Years

i"A Thousand Years" - Christina Perri

"All is well, Maria." 

I woke up today to those four little words.

As every phone call from our doctor's office in the past few years has been of great importance,
 this one by far...

has been my Favorite.

I don't think the kind woman on the other line could have chosen four more perfect words to help sew those last few stitches in my heart...

I am at peace. 

I can say that out loud now.  I can genuinely believe in it.  Because, I feel it.
How do I feel?
I feel light.  I feel free.  I feel content.

You wait for what seems like a lifetime for some things to make sense. To have that moment, where in an instant, something just clicks.  Your heart races.  You let go of fear. Your soul speaks to you. 

And without a thought, you take that giant leap into what you know and trust
 is the rest of your life.

Monday was our day.
We found our donor. 
We made that call.

And in just mere minutes,
Steve and I were standing.  Embracing one another, and embracing the truth...
That every single day we traveled on that long and windy road...the big ups, the huge downs...all the doubts and uncertainties along the way...

They brought us here.
Here, where we've hoped and prayed to be all along.
A place where love is exactly what it should be. No definition necessary. 
A place where you realize that those jagged stones in the path were really friends is disguise.
A place that only brings you another page closer.

It only took five minutes to make that phone call on Monday.  Only seconds to hear that we are "good to go" and our "specimen" is in safe keeping until my next cycle begins.
But, it took years...
Hundreds of days to get here.
Hundreds of days - that sometimes felt like a "thousand years."

The memories that flashed before me when I realized this was really happening - that we were really doing this and taking this next step...
Those were the most significant and rewarding memories I've ever felt with my husband.

I remembered the days of anger.  The pure fear and doubt.  The rage inside of us to wanna fix it.  And the hopes that it was just a nightmare.  I remember our lowest of moments.  Times where Steve couldn't even speak to me without tears.  I remember a fight so big, I was literally in the bathtub with my clothes on, holding his car keys, so he couldn't leave...begging and pleading for him to talk to me.
I can recall them all, and now,
I can smile.  I can cry proud tears. 
 I see a man who speaks of our journey to anyone who will listen.  Who isn't ashamed.  Who is more than ready and who has taught me more than I think he will ever know.
And I believe, without hesitation...
that the woman I spoke to this morning was absolutely right...

All is well.

As for the details on our donor...traits, hair and eye color, characteristics mentioned on his profile...
There's not any need to mention them.

All I need to do
when I want to see the father of our child someday,
is look at the beautiful, strong man who's standing beside me in this photo...

For love, is the greatest detail of them all.

and we are so gratefully

"One Step Closer."



Thank you for the past, the present
and the future.
Thank you.  All of you.


Just 3 weeks, and a new cycle chapter truly begins.


A little celebration of great new beginnings...

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me

Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

Love...just Love,


Cami said...

I got chills reading this post. I AM SO STINKIN HAPPY FOR YOU MARIA!! So deserving, so blessed <3 God is SO GOOD - He is faithful...He awards patience. I am so tickled that everything is going how it is <3

Melissa said...

I am so happy for both of you! It's incredible when things finally fall into place and everything is right.

Olivia : I am still learning said...

Reading your words just made my heart swell... I am so SO happy for you both.

I'm about to freaking cry...
That damn song doesn't help either, lol. It's a good song though, a favorite of mine ;)

Our Journey Through This Lovely Life said...

I have tears rolling down my cheeks as I read this, You are such an amazing person. You deserve the best! Sending you all the prayers in the world.
Much Love!

Kelly @ Stay at Home Trader said...

I am bawling right now. That was so beautiful, Maria. You have so many people with you on this journey, and you know that I will be right here by you no matter what! Love u girl!!!!!!



Maria said...

Yay!! All is well, Maria! I am so thrilled to get to follow you on this newest chapter of your love story! Always thinking and praying for you!!! We are gonna have a rocking good time with some virgin margarita real soon!

mag said...

Weeeeeeeee!!! Ahh I'm so excited for you both! I simply cannot wait for these next few weeks to unfold. You seem to be in a really good place right now, and I can only hope it just keeps getting better and better.

You and Steve look great in these pictures!! :)

Hoping you have something fun planned this weekend. We are broke as a joke and will probably just hang out on the couch with the pups. If you get bored, shoot me an email :)


Anonymous said...

1st... this song is now me and hubby's song. I heard the words to this song and they just carried me away. I will post one day why it has so much meaning to me.

2nd.... thank you for always stopping by to check on me. I does not get by me! Hugs.

NOW.... OMG... I told you, it will work out and THIS IS YOUR YEAR. IT just is. I'm so excited for you and your husband and what is to become of your family. I hope you will walk through every moment once you get past the point of safety. HUGGERS to you BOTH!

Have you listened to any more of her music.. it's stellar! Her CD is on it's way to our home. Love her.

Ashley said...

So so incredibly happy for you two!! My heart is full of joy right now hearing this news. Can not wait to "join" you on this journey.

I absolutely love this song. :)

Virginia said...

I am covered in goosebumps and holding back the gigantic lump in my throat that wants to explode into tears ... tears of delight, joy, happiness, peace, and ... blessings.

I've never met you but I feel such love for you and your husband at this very moment I can hardly contain myself. Many, many blessings to you.


Bernadette & Duane said...

Maria I am SO excited for you, SO inspired by you and
SO looking forward to your long-awaited pregnancy announcement. So much love to you both! xoxoxo

Kari said...

I'm so so so so SOOOO happy for you guys!! I can't wait to follow this journey with you! Once again-you're such an inspiration.

The journey is not an easy one-it has its ups and downs, as you know. But the love you two have together is truly amazing and will get you through to the best part of this journey!

I just told J about this entry and he said,"I'm so happy for them-I'm pulling for them so much and I've never even met them."

So I guess what I'm saying is that this is from both of us!!


WCreativeDesigns said...

I am a new follower to your blog

This is a lovely part of your life to be sharing.

Nicole Gilbert said...

Maria I am sooo happy for you! You really are one step closer, your in my thoughts and prayers :)

Jessica @ TheCrazyChaoticHouse said...

I am so happy for you. What a beautiful post, brought tears to my eyes. I am so glad you are at peace and one step closer. You both deserve nothing but so happy for you Maria:)

lovejoy_31 said...

I truly am so very happy for you. I can't wait to follow this next chapter of your life. I know that you and Steve will both make wonderful parents no matter how they get here. Thank you so much for your continued support and lovely comments. You make me smile on a daily basis. And thanks for the sweetness about Celia. She is definitely going to be a little actress/drama queen, but she does have such a sweet disposition and a great sense of humor (most of the time). I can assure you that the battle will be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth it when that baby is in your arms and in your heart. Hope you and Steve have a great weekend.

Gumdrop Pass said...


I'm so happy for you and they journey you have made. As I was reading this, I couldn't help but smile and mayyybe tear up a little bit, but mostly I thought of how strong and MATURE you are. This whole process has just had to made you so WISE... your reflections and insights... I just can't think of a better word to describe it than "wise".

I'm so excited for you and for Steve. You two are going to make SUCH good parents -- you both have SUCH bit hearts... and of course, are very wise. ;)

I wish you all the best, and I'm just so HAPPY for you!

<3 Have a good weekend, pretty! :)

Heather Nelsen said...

Congratulations, Maria! How exciting! Can't wait to follow along in the journey with you! :)

Moosey Mommy said...

I really need to be careful about reading your blog. Reading it ALWAYS makes me cry! I am really excited for you, and have you in my prayers. This hormonal, pregnant momma is hoping that you will soon be the same! Then you can cry when reading absolutely everything, too! lol

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

So I was having a tough day and then I read your post. I am just so happy for you and Steve. I actually have goosebumps going up and down my arms. You really deserve it! I can't wait to follow you on the journey. I have no doubt you will make the best parents!xoxo

waitingforarainbow said...

Maria, this is all happening so fast!! I'm in tears right now. I'm so excited to see that your new journey begins in just 3 weeks. Soon you'll be posting about morning sickness, weird cravings, and how much sleep you're getting. You'll post pictures of your growing belly, your sweet peas ultrasounds, and yours and steves smiling faces(like always).ahhh I'm crying now... Oohhh I'm going to need some tissue after this.
I know you're someone I haven't known long, and I only know you through your blog posts and amazing (and hilarious) comments, but watching your dreams come true will be one of the highlights of my life. I'm so happy that you never gave up. I'm envious of the strength that you have had through all of this, and you're going to get what you so deeply deserve.
You're such a wonderful person, and you're going to be the most incredible mama bear!! You will not be far from my thoughts and prayers.
ENORMOUS HUGS!! Xoxo <333 michelle

Justine said...

Stopping by from the Spreading Love Weekend Blog Hop!

KERRY said...

Oh Maria!!! I am hoping and wishing for nothing but the best for you guys!!! I love what you wrote that the characteristics do not matter, because they don't. A father isn't defined by biological genetics but defined by the love, the care and the life shared with a little person. You guys are love at it's finest, you both hang in there. We all love you xo

Mrs. E said...

Maria, you are absolutely beautiful! Both inside and out :) I am so happy for you both! Ps...are our phones at war again?? I am not sure if you got my response you!! Xoxoxoxo

Mrs. JRose said...

Maria, been out of blogging for a while, but I'm SO happy for you and your hubby!!!! I just know this new chapter in your lives is going to be amazing! I so can't wait for you to experience the joys of pregnancy and all those milestones that will fill you with amazement! You will be in my prayers! Love from California!! :)

Steve said...

Thank you all for your amazing support of my Wife and I.

To my hunny, I love you so much, and so excited.

~Jess said...

So very excited for you guys! And I agree with you 100% the man standing next to you is undoubtedly their father.

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

I absolutely love your husband and I don't know him. I love his comments- he is so supportive. Just makes me melt! What a terrific couple:)

Rachel said...

I am so very happy for you both! My heart goes out to you both and you make me cry tears of joy for your future together as a wonderful family. You and your husband are an amazing team and you have been through so much together and it as you say is your journey that you needed to happen that will make your future baby and family all that more special.

This future baby is 110% yours and your husbands no question about it and is a result of your love for one another!!!! I am so EXCITED for you both! I can't wait read that you got a big positive and I can't wait to watch your journey.

PS. Thank you for your wonderful comments on my blog. We are so close I just wish she would decide to show up :-) BIG HUGS!!

Brittany said...

Oh Maria, reading this totally made my week. I am SO thrilled for you and Steve! Such wonderful, amazing things await you both...and you are deserving of every bit of it and more. Y'all are going to be the most loving, nurturing, awesome parents ever. So so so happy for you!!!!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Reading this made my day! I am so happy for you!!! You are so very deserving of happiness. And I'm grateful you feel that peace, like a confirmation you're heading down the right path. Much love to you! :)

Krystyn said...

I am so stinkin' happy for you Maria!! You deserve this!!! xxoo

Nate Shenk said...

Wow...what a great, great post Maria!I am so glad that I decided to read this post early on in the day because it really has encouraged me. Hope you're having a great day as well...whenever you see this comment :)

P.S. So glad you liked my site!!

waitingforarainbow said...

Heyyyy lady! I've been thinking of you, and counting down these next 3 weeks with you in my head! I've also been eager for a new post from you! I need my weekly dose of maria! Can you believe it's March already?? Seems like just yesterday you were posting pictures of that sneaky yhetti, and your christmas decorations!
Hope you're having a wonderful week, and your weekend is relaxing, and fun!!!

Kathy Radigan said...

Maria, I don't know how I missed this gorgeous post!! You had me in tears! I'm so happy for you and Steve and I too can't wait for this next wonderful chapter in your lives to unfold. Even though I have never met you I just adore you!! Much love my dear friend!! said...

Maria, I am so happy for this new road you are taking. I wish you the best, you deserve it. When it's all said and done and you and Steve are holding your sweet little one, nothing else will matter. I can't wait for that for you. Hugs and happy dance! <3 Kerstin

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