Sunday, February 12, 2012

Find Yourself

"Find Yourself" - Brad Paisley

There was a day last February, that reminds me of the first time I heard these lyrics...
I was babysitting a sweet little boy.  We were in between making a pretend mushroom and pepperoni pizza, putting a puzzle together, and watching "Cars."  I remember when the credits started playing and this song began.  I fought the tears and thought to myself - gosh, I hope and pray that someday I can hear these words and sing proudly, right along with him.
I was going through my fifth miscarriage at that last miscarriage.
  I felt so lost.  I was scared. 
 I was beside myself. 

It's been a whole year.  A year since I've been pregnant.  One that would drag on sometimes, and fly by in others.

And now, I'm singing these words.
I'm singing them happily.

"When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself"

I don't have any big news to announce at this very moment.   
But, I have a whole lot of thanks for everything that's taken place this past week.
Take one day at a time...
I've learned it.  I've lived it.
And when the time is right - whether it be hours, days, weeks or months from now - changes will take place.
It will all work out.  I truly believe that.  With everything in me.

Isn't it funny what time teaches you?  Experiences you know are there waiting for you...ones that used to scare the hell out of you - now are seen as great blessings.

I will get more (way more) into this subject in my next posts...
But, lemme tell ya, I never thought I'd be saying this with such enthusiasm...
 God bless sperm donors.
We couldn't be more grateful for this experience after what took place on Monday.  And after a few setbacks - Friday, especially. 
Monday was easy breezy...too good to be true.
Tuesday-Thursday weren't too shabby either.
And when Friday hit, and we thought we just might have had it all figured out...

I made a discovery...
"Our guy" - he wasn't available any more.

There were tears.  Fears tried to creep back in without a warning.
Frantic phone calls were made. 

And in no time, after boo hoo'ing and talking to two dear friends, and a reassuring husband -
I was reminded to trust the beautiful lesson that has made plenty of appearances in these past few years...

I think these lyrics best sum it up.

"Where you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin'
And you wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself"

Friday night, Steve and I sat and worked together on the process again. It was enlightening. It was even humorous at times.  It was passionate in a sense.

And by midnight, we were so grateful we "lost our way,"

Because, sometimes...
you truly do find yourself.


I'm gonna come back in a couple days.  We'll see where they take us.

Thank you. For all the love.

Some fun photos from our week...

Muffin watched over us.
and kept us smiling.
Now, here's where the big laughs came in. 

The donor sites are pretty complex. Some even tell you celebrities your donor resembles.  It might sound "neat" but, it's tricky - the best way I can describe it.  You don't want it to sway you. But
when it says, "this donor resembles Bill Gates," it's hard not to get a mental picture like this...

in case you're wondering...that's him all swaddled up.

Don't get me wrong, though...I'd hug and love and cherish "baby Gates" more than you know.
So, I went and logged onto one of those "which celebrity do you resemble" sites.
The clinics, of course, use much more advanced technology and real people to make those comparisons.
But, I needed a laugh.

UMMMM, yea...
  First of all...I love that I resemble 4 men and 1 woman.  And that my biggest match is Danny Glover.
Pretty amazing, huh?! I felt like I just took an ab class, I was laughing so stinkin' hard!!
And, Princess Diana??! WT*!

And then Steve...I didn't pick the most flattering picture. But still,
Look at the second guy! HAHAHA!
Sorry, Mr!!


Veronica came to visit. Her and Muffin are in love with one another.

Me, Kelly, and her kiddos went to Kelly's for a fun day.
The babes were adorable together and had a blast dancing, starting a band, baking pretend cookies and eating chicken nuggets.

*Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world!*

I had to see what superstars the site would make of  us in this picture.

I cried from laughing so hard.  Though, I do see Kristin Chenoweth.

Ok, the 3 ladies, yes...I could see it...
But Colin Powell?! HAHA!

Hmmm...Really??! This site is busted!

Kelly, you definitely got the best turnout, girlfriend!!! HAHA!

A shopping day and Mexican dinner with Steve and Mom

And just one more...Sorry, Mom! All men! hahaha, I see where I get it from.
OHHH, this is horrible!  LOL!
Mom...I see Mick, I do! ;) But, you're so much prettier than Donald.

Danny Glover and Rod Stewart <3


Okay, I've rambled on long enough, my friends.
Have a beautiful Sunday night!!
See ya soon <3

Sweet Sunday Lovin',


Kathy Radigan said...

You guys have gone through so much!! The process is so hard, however that works out for us, all I can tell you is that today I'm a better mother and person for all that we went through to have our children. I would not have been prepared for the road we have had to travel without each of those lessons. It's also made our marriage that much more stronger. But it can be so painful, and frustrating and there were times I just wanted to read ahead of my story and get to the happy ending!!! My thoughts and prayers are with you!! Much love!!

lovejoy_31 said...

Praying so hard for you guys!! I haven't been through nearly as much as you have, but you seem to come through it all with a smile on your face. I know that it is so easy to get down and hard not to sometimes, but you are amazing. Love you you and the hubby in this next step of your journey. You have a ton of people praying for you!!

Judy Haughton-James said...

Hi Maria,
Life certainly has its ups and downs. I like the words of the song! Very inspirational! I will certainly continue to pray for you and Steve and wish you both all the very best. As always the pictures are great! Wonderful post! Keep on keeping on. Lots of Love, Friendship and Best Wishes.

Ashley said...

I haven't heard this song before but it is so beautiful and so touching. I am praying and thinking of you guys often!
On another note, those pictures of celeb look alikes are hilarious! Poor Steve and your mom! They definitely did not do a good job.

Kelly @ Stay at Home Trader said...

Maria I AM CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaa!!!!!!! OMG I am still laughing from seeing your and Steve's celebrity look alikes! There is NO WAY either of you guys look like the trolls they picked!!!! What in the WORLD!?!?!?!?! LOL!!!!!!!!!! Um, and how do I get Kim Kardashian and J-LO? WHA???? If I looked like them, I'd be showin' my moves like Mick Jagger...well, except your mom's already got dibbs! These are so funny! Poor Kelly! COLIN POWELL!??????? SERIOUSLY?????!!!!!! hahahahahaha! And how did you get all blondes? Although, Miss MiMi Carey lives in my house :) Oh my gosh! I could look at those all day! hahahahahahahahaha! My stomach hurts so bad right now!

Ok, for real, this post was all sorts of touching, and beautiful. And, here I am with my big hee haw laugh all over the celeb look alikes! hahahahaha!

You are so strong, Maria. And you and Steve have been to hell and back. It's so amazing to see, first hand, just how far you have come, and just how much more your BIGGER THAN LIFE heart has grown. And for you two have come this far TOGETHER, and on the SAME PAGE, is amazing! You have so much ahead of you, but I have no doubt that this year will be full of happiness, appreciation, lessons, and joy.

I love you to pieces! Thanks for always being there for me. And I hope that you know I'm here for you....even if it's a phone call at 3am, that we both know will go wayyyyy into the sunrise :)



Our Journey Through This Lovely Life said...

I am still laughing! what an awful site! Oh my! Maria I am sending you all the prayers and love I can, I couldn't imagine for a moment going through what you have been through and are still going through! you are such a strong woman that always has a beautiful smile on! I feel like this will be your year of happiness and joy! I am so glad our paths have crossed in this journey and I am so happy to be beside you rooting you on! You got this girl! Much Love!

Kari said...

Your strength amazes me every time I read your blog. I have a good feeling things are going to work out for you guys! I'm rooting for you so so so much!! xoxo

Melissa said...

I am laughing so hard at the celebrity resemblence stuff. Hilarious! I'm praying that you both find this path as easy and rocky free as possible <3

Virginia said...

You're amazing. Keep up the spirit of happiness and love. You inspire so many people.

KERRY said...

Chin up and keep looking forward my friend!! And thank goodness your results on that site were better second time around lol
Love to you, have a wonderful week xo

Brittany said...

You are such an incredible person Maria! Oh, to have your strength...I would give anything. Your words are so beautiful...I really hope you write a book one day. So glad to have you as a bloggy friend :) and can't wait to see all the wonderful things God has in store for you and Steve.

Rebecca said...

Hope everything works out for you!! Can't wait to hear more about your story......glad you are keeping the faith!

Maria said...

Oh Maria! Those celeb pics were hysterical! I would have spent hours on that!!!!

It really is interesting how even when we don't understand it, God's plan really is perfect. I am so excited for you two as you navigate this path together! <3 <3 :) and (((hugs)))

Gumdrop Pass said...

Another little journey of ups and downs within the big journey of ups and downs... it's always how it seems to go, huh? But leave it to you to find the beauty within it, Maria. :)

I love reading your posts... there's just something so pure and loving about them. I can't wait to see where this all takes you!

...and I'm TOTALLY going on one of those websites that matches faces up with celebrities today... ;)

Lots of love to you on this Monday! <3

MrsV said...

So those celebrity pics are pretty hilarious, I couldn't help but notice Bruce Willis is listed as your hubs look alike, now that's not bad! LoL

In all seriousness tho, February 2012 is going to be so much better for both of us this year than Feb 2011. I hope this coming week you keep us posted with this new and exciting phase in your journey. I'm wishing for the perfect donor with the most perfect swimmers for you and Steve <3 you guys have been thru so much and your strength as individuals and as a couple is inspiring <3

And this thought just crossed my mind, since it is February that must mean our 1 year blogger friendship anniversary is coming ;) I'll get ya something nice lol

Have a good week! <3

Aleisha McD said...

Glad I "found you," my friend! This post was so beyond awesome. Especially Bill Gates as a baby. Hey! He may not be the best lookin' guy out there, but he's got oodles and oodles and oodles of money. I guess that's saying something about being smart instead of good looking????? Thanks for making me laugh today! Love you and XOXOX!!

Mrs. E said...

How is it that this post had me simultaneously laughing and crying?? I think you are so right, take every day one at a time. Learn from your experiences. Know that one day, it will all make sense. I soo needed the reminder!! Oh, and I did one of those celebrity look alike things for Facebook last year....I got like 5 Asian people (the fact that they were Asian being our only similar characteristic lol) and....wait for it.....HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON!!! Haaaaaga! It made my day, much like this post :) love you sososososo~~~~

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

Head and chin up! You always find the beauty to look for the positives and that is why I love you and your blog so much. THe resemblance is too funny!! I love the celebrity pictures. I hope you have a wonderful VDAY to you and Steve. xoxo

~Jess said...

Lots of prayers! So excited to hear more.

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Lol! Awesome faces!!! I think you and your mom make a very beautiful Danny and Rod. I did one of those recently. I just happen to be Paul McCartney. :)
You've had such a hard road, but I love how you stay positive. I know great things are in store for you! Always sending prayers my friend. Have a very happy Valentine's Day!

LaVonne @ Long Wait said...

Thanks for sharing. I had not heard of that song. I like real posts about real people so I appreciated your post. Sending up a prayer for you.

And, btw, Muffin is such a cute cat!

I am finally getting around to visiting blogs from the Monday Mingle blog hop. It is nice to "meet" you!

Enjoy the rest of your week!

waitingforarainbow said...

You become my twin more and more with each post! My sister, her daughter, ryan, and I were playing on that SAME celebrity match website 2 weeks ago before the laptop broke! My sister and I kept getting all men too. Lol!!!
I believe more and more with every post that you and I would have too much fun.
Hope your valentines day was all kinds of special!! Also hoping you find your guy soon! Sorry to hear about the last one:(
Xo<333 michelle

Cami said...

Ok first off - those photos are hilarious. Too funny! I am loving them, though :) What website is that from?

Second off - WOW. You really have been through a lot. Both of you. But you seem to still have a smiling face and a great outlook. That is amazing. And THAT is going to be what is going to help you through this mess. I think you are so wonderful and I know that the blessings of God are going to overflow mightily.
I hope you and your man were able to celebrate Valentine's Day yesterday :)
Love you!

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