Every Day Is A Country Song

Much Thanks and A Few Photos

2012-02-23T05:44:00.003-08:00

I've been thinking so much lately...how the power of words and actions go hand in hand.

Maya is right...when it's all said and done,

it is truly the way you feel.

And, you've made me feel so blessed...

Steve and I thank you so much - For all the love after my last post.

Thank you for being genuine.

Understanding.

And kind.

(there will be more thanks where that came from.)

***

Today, I have more pictures than words.

Yay for me keeping my big mouth shut!

I'll be back later this weekend.

For now...

Some memories from the past week.

***

Sweet treats from Jessica, (addressed to her "mon cherie minion") left on our doorstep.

More Valentine's love, from my Mom - kitty coloring book included.

A double date with Vanessa and Doug

(and possibly a Moose)

Girl's night with Kelly

and

Girl's day with Jessica

It took me a few to realize that this was not a picture of crinkle-cut fries and a smiley-faced chicken patty.

Seriously, it did.

It was awaiting me on Jessica's menu board,

reminding me that all is well.

***

I'd like you to meet my new friend, Cammy, the Canny.

I've been pretty attached to her lately.

The awesome Mr decided to put all his faith in me and surprise me.

I'm in love.

And learning slowly.

And luckily, he sprung for a 3 year warranty.
Me and electronics don't have the best history.

I've been known to drop cell phones in bathtubs, rain puddles, and yes,

even toilets.

There's so much to learn,
and I'm excited.

A few shots from the past couple days.

(mostly of the fluffies, of course!)

(NOT a fluffy)

also not fluffies

Alright, my friends.

That is all for today.

It's a pretty one out there...warm and bright.

Have a wonderful one

and...

Many Thanks and Much Lovin',

A Thousand Years

2012-02-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

"A Thousand Years" - Christina Perri

"All is well, Maria."

I woke up today to those four little words.

As every phone call from our doctor's office in the past few years has been of great importance,

this one by far...

has been my Favorite.

I don't think the kind woman on the other line could have chosen four more perfect words to help sew those last few stitches in my heart...

I am at peace.

I can say that out loud now. I can genuinely believe in it. Because, I feel it.

How do I feel?

I feel light. I feel free. I feel content.

You wait for what seems like a lifetime for some things to make sense. To have that moment, where in an instant, something just clicks. Your heart races. You let go of fear. Your soul speaks to you.

And without a thought, you take that giant leap into what you know and trust

is the rest of your life.

Monday was our day.

We found our donor.

We made that call.

And in just mere minutes,

Steve and I were standing. Embracing one another, and embracing the truth...

That every single day we traveled on that long and windy road...the big ups, the huge downs...all the doubts and uncertainties along the way...

They brought us here.

Here, where we've hoped and prayed to be all along.

A place where love is exactly what it should be. No definition necessary.

A place where you realize that those jagged stones in the path were really friends is disguise.

A place that only brings you another page closer.

It only took five minutes to make that phone call on Monday. Only seconds to hear that we are "good to go" and our "specimen" is in safe keeping until my next cycle begins.

But, it took years...

Hundreds of days to get here.

Hundreds of days - that sometimes felt like a "thousand years."

The memories that flashed before me when I realized this was really happening - that we were really doing this and taking this next step...

Those were the most significant and rewarding memories I've ever felt with my husband.

I remembered the days of anger. The pure fear and doubt. The rage inside of us to wanna fix it. And the hopes that it was just a nightmare. I remember our lowest of moments. Times where Steve couldn't even speak to me without tears. I remember a fight so big, I was literally in the bathtub with my clothes on, holding his car keys, so he couldn't leave...begging and pleading for him to talk to me.

I can recall them all, and now,

I can smile. I can cry proud tears.

I see a man who speaks of our journey to anyone who will listen. Who isn't ashamed. Who is more than ready and who has taught me more than I think he will ever know.

And I believe, without hesitation...

that the woman I spoke to this morning was absolutely right...

All is well.

***

As for the details on our donor...traits, hair and eye color, characteristics mentioned on his profile...

There's not any need to mention them.

All I need to do

when I want to see the father of our child someday,

is look at the beautiful, strong man who's standing beside me in this photo...

For love, is the greatest detail of them all.

and we are so gratefully

"One Step Closer."

***

Thank you for the past, the present

and the future.

Thank you. All of you.

***

Just 3 weeks, and a new ~~cycle~~ chapter truly begins.

***

A little celebration of great new beginnings...

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

Love...just Love,

Find Yourself

2012-02-12T14:03:00.000-08:00

"Find Yourself" - Brad Paisley

There was day last February, that reminds me of the first time I heard these lyrics...

I was babysitting a sweet little boy. We were in between making a pretend mushroom and pepperoni pizza, putting a puzzle together, and watching "Cars." I remember when the credits started playing and this song began. I fought the tears and thought to myself - gosh, I hope and pray that someday I can hear these words and sing proudly, right along with him.

I was going through my fifth miscarriage at that time...my last miscarriage.

I felt so lost. I was scared.

I was beside myself.

It's been a whole year. A year since I've been pregnant. One that would drag on sometimes, and fly by in others.

And now, I'm singing these words.

I'm singing them happily.

"When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself"

I don't have any big news to announce at this very moment.

But, I have a whole lot of thanks for everything that's taken place this past week.

Take one day at a time...

I've learned it. I've lived it.

And when the time is right - whether it be hours, days, weeks or months from now - changes will take place.

It will all work out. I truly believe that. With everything in me.

Isn't it funny what time teaches you? Experiences you know are there waiting for you...ones that used to scare the hell out of you - now are seen as great blessings.

I will get more (way more) into this subject in my next posts...

But, lemme tell ya, I never thought I'd be saying this with such enthusiasm...

God bless sperm donors.

We couldn't be more grateful for this experience after what took place on Monday. And after a few setbacks - Friday, especially.

Monday was easy breezy...too good to be true.

Tuesday-Thursday weren't too shabby either.

And when Friday hit, and we thought we just might have had it all figured out...

I made a discovery...

"Our guy" - he wasn't available any more.

There were tears. Fears tried to creep back in without a warning.

Frantic phone calls were made.

And in no time, after boo hoo'ing and talking to two dear friends, and a reassuring husband -

I was reminded to trust the beautiful lesson that has made plenty of appearances in these past few years...

I think these lyrics best sum it up.

"Where you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin'
And you wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself"

Friday night, Steve and I sat and worked together on the process again. It was enlightening. It was even humorous at times. It was passionate in a sense.

And by midnight, we were so grateful we "lost our way,"

Because, sometimes...

you truly do find yourself.

***

I'm gonna come back in a couple days. We'll see where they take us.

Thank you. For all the love.

***

Some fun photos from our week...

Muffin watched over us.

and kept us smiling.

***

Now, here's where the big laughs came in.

The donor sites are pretty complex. Some even tell you celebrities your donor resembles. It might sound "neat" but, it's tricky - the best way I can describe it. You don't want it to sway you. But

when it says, "this donor resembles Bill Gates," it's hard not to get a mental picture like this...

in case you're wondering...that's him all swaddled up.

Don't get me wrong, though...I'd hug and love and cherish "baby Gates" more than you know.

So, I went and logged onto one of those "which celebrity do you resemble" sites.

The clinics, of course, use much more advanced technology and real people to make those comparisons.

But, I needed a laugh.

UMMMM, yea...

First of all...I love that I resemble 4 men and 1 woman. And that my biggest match is Danny Glover.

Pretty amazing, huh?! I felt like I just took an ab class, I was laughing so stinkin' hard!!

And, Princess Diana??! WT*!

And then Steve...I didn't pick the most flattering picture. But still,

*UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER*

Look at the second guy! HAHAHA!

Sorry, Mr!!

***

Veronica came to visit. Her and Muffin are in love with one another.

***

Me, Kelly, and her kiddos went to Kelly's for a fun day.

The babes were adorable together and had a blast dancing, starting a band, baking pretend cookies and eating chicken nuggets.

*Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world!*

I had to see what superstars the site would make of us in this picture.

I cried from laughing so hard. Though, I do see Kristin Chenoweth.

Ok, the 3 ladies, yes...I could see it...

But Colin Powell?! HAHA!

Hmmm...Really??! This site is busted!

Kelly, you definitely got the best turnout, girlfriend!!! HAHA!

***

A shopping day and Mexican dinner with Steve and Mom

And just one more...Sorry, Mom! All men! hahaha, I see where I get it from.

OHHH, this is horrible! LOL!

Mom...I see Mick, I do! ;) But, you're so much prettier than Donald.

Danny Glover and Rod Stewart <3

***

Okay, I've rambled on long enough, my friends.

Have a beautiful Sunday night!!

See ya soon <3

Sweet Sunday Lovin',

Happy

2012-02-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

"Happy" - Leona Lewis

I can already tell it's going to be one of those days. No, not a bad day - but the kind where you're not ever quite sure what day it is.

I'm very much, optimistically hoping that's a good thing for our Monday. Steve is off from work.

Because today, we have plans.

We're turning the next page in this chapter.

Flipping to the next page doesn't guarantee instant results.

We're not expecting an answer today.

But,

It's progress. It's making a move. It's taking it to the next level...

and

It makes me happy.

I could get all emotional and let the words start flowing. But, I'm not going to at this moment.

I need to keep this mellow vibe going and save up the emotional energy for the rest of the day.

My intuition tells me that February will be full of pour-my-heart-out/candid posts.

As well as March, April, May and so on, for that matter.

So, for today, I will say...

I feel good. I feel unusually calm.

It's a sign. A sign that lets me know this journey is ready to move forward.

I know that today is going to be one that will always stick clear in my mind and deep in my heart.

And it hasn't even truly begun yet.

But, like I mentioned in a couple posts back...

Sometimes,

you just know.

I raise my coffee cup with a Monday morning toast.

Cheers - to marching ahead...

To new pages that will teach us new lessons.

To a beautiful, so-beyond-gonna-be-worth-it

New step

and

New day

Cheers - to sperm donors.

***

Happy Pictures...

A lazy, loungy, weekend morning with the Mister. Hot coffee and treats while

we catch up on our shows.

Discovering new yums at the grocery store. This is trouble right here...Cold

Stone Creamery now makes coffee creamer.

Glittery nails and Krimpet kitty.

Enjoying a quiet night with the house to myself after mucho cleaning...

Receiving this photo from Steve - letting me know he's happy because

the Giants won.

~~(yay! a break from sports for a few weeks!)~~

Welcoming the first of the month with this gorgeous babe and her Mama,

over chocolate chip muffins.

Smiling, even when she's not feeling well.

An entertaining walk and trip to the park with sweetie pie, Noah and Adam.

A homemade lunch date at Jessica's...that turned into one of our famous all day/all night affairs.

Getting picture text messages like this one, from Steve.

That would be Muffin's eyes glowing in the top window...watching Steve come home from work.

Returning the love to Steve, with love from the kitties.

Meeting up with Jen and Sean...

for a much needed reuntied/double date/food frenzy.

<3<3<3

Fresh Start Lovin',

Rock It On Out, January!

2012-01-31T23:49:00.000-08:00

It's still my January.

Sleep is coming soon.

I want to remember the first month of 2012, while gearing up to give a *ready as I'll ever be* welcome to February.

THANK YOU so much for all your happy wishes on my last post!! <3

And, THANK YOU, January.

You added more lessons to my collection.

I truly learned from you.

Our Anniversary celebration was just the right mix of simple and spontaneous.

A late afternoon food fest over a round of our favorite martinis...

Last week, Steve found out one of his favorite bands, TOOL (yea, we have such similar music taste), was coming to our area. He felt guilty asking to go during our anniversary weekend. Come on now...He has endured plenty of twangy-twang-hee haww concerts with me. Still, he needed a little push to buy the tickets. So, I got Muffin to help me out. We sent this right on over to him and knew he'd be unable to resist.

Muffin says - *Do it, Dad!! TOOL Rocks!*

And, so we went.

It makes me happy to see him happy.

True story - it took me about 11 tries before I could figure out the difference between *rock on* and *surf's up!*

It was loud. It was full of flashes of light and clouds of smoke. It was full of all types of decked out peeps.

There was a spider crawling on Steve's shoulder before the concert started. I pointed it out to him as calmly as possible and he danced a dance I will never forget.

Once the show began, Mr never sat down once. He sang every word. (even if I couldn't understand what they were saying half the time.)

Like I said - it makes me happy to see him happy.

We weren't far from Atlantic City...so after a rockin' good time, we found some rest and relaxation.

I realized how hungry I was once that guacamole wouldn't stop starin' at me in the elevator.

We did the healthy thing, and ordered burgers and steak fries at 2am.

And after a good night's rest, we were headed for a bit of sun and some down time.

Mr is not naked.

I want a hot tub.

A chilly stroll on the beach.

A hot pink sunset.

Happy 3 years.

totally sportin' lipstick on my teeth here. Oops!

Atlantic City, we love you.

***

The kitty portion of this post is brought to you by - Little Miss Muffin and Burger King.

Muffin loves her a good straw.

She speaks to it. Tries her best to draw it closer.

Ouch!! That's my ear!!

Ouch!! That's my nose!

That's it! You're not too smart for me!

Okay, maybe you are. Lemme take a step back.

Woahhh, Muffin...simmer down, girlfriend!

Watch the video to see what happens next.

HAVE A FABULOUS (FEBRUARY) DAY!

Fluffy Rockin' Lovin',

You Make It Real

2012-01-28T05:20:00.000-08:00

Decisions...

We make them each and every day.

Some take countless hours. Some are made easier with support from others.

And some...

are instant.

You just know.

Today, I think back to exactly 3 years ago...

There was an ice storm that decided to hit in the early morning hours.

And Steve and I had somewhere to be.

Somewhere important.

I remember that slow-as-a-snail drive - going 15 miles per hour almost the whole way to the airport.

What would normally take an hour...taking just under three.

Nothing could stop us.

At around 5am, we arrived. On just a couple hours of sleep, but all smiles and laughs on the bus ride to the plane.

We were so happy.

We made it.

We boarded the plane and the pilot informed us it'd be quite a few hours before we'd be able to take off.

We I got some rest.

Sometime after 11am, we arrived at our destination.

Las Vegas

We were so happy.

We made it.

Our hotel room wasn't quite ready yet. We could have cared less. We hopped into the first taxi available.

And after some paperwork, a couple of signatures and another quick taxi ride...

We were standing, facing one another in a tiny wedding chapel.

No one but us

and a sweet old man with simple but meaningful words, standing before us...

I can remember perfectly...

The magic of the adrenaline running through my veins.

Steve inches across from me - in sneakers and "dad jeans" (you know the kind).

The single red rose that sweet old man handed me to hold.

Nervously laughing. Shaking with pure joy.

And then, we were asked to hold hands.

The vows began. Steve went first. Somehow, I wasn't crying...

yet.

Steve went to speak, but flowing tears came first. Mine followed instantly.

~~Words~~ Vows were exchanged.

We were so happy.

We made it.

This was me. On the afternoon of January 28, 2009...

Arriving back to our hotel.

Truly feeling like a new woman. In my $4.48 Target velour sweatshirt that I said, "I do" in.

I was on a cloud.

You would think, with my obsession and deep love for photographs and capturing memories...

we would have purchased the photos that were taken in that tiny chapel.

We didn't.

We didn't want them. We didn't need them.

You would think, that with my obsession and deep love for "getting fancy"...

that I would have adorned myself with a glitzy ensemble and sparkly accessories.

I didn't want that. I didn't need that.

My Mom and I recently talked about the difference between good and bad pride...

That it's healthy to be proud of yourself.

But not boast of yourself.

I'm proud of this day and all that it taught me.

It taught me that true beauty is the way you feel inside.

That you can feel more beautiful than you've ever felt in a $5 sweatshirt, holding a tacky rose, across from your love (in dad jeans).

It taught me that love doesn't have to be so complicated.

It taught me the definition of pure bliss...

That a city as fast and happenin' as Las Vegas, can make the world slow down for a couple of kids in love.

It taught me the strength of memories like that, don't need pictures.

And above all,

It taught us to focus on what's truly important at the end of the day.

I have a confession...

I didn't keep up my end of the deal mentioned in my last post - you know...the getting more sleep part?

I didn't get much last night.

But I'm so very grateful for little sleep at this moment.

Because I have one more confession...

I'm proud.

I'm proud of today- January 28, 2012.

Staying up and writing this post...Reflecting on this day 3 years ago...

I think it just did something amazing for me.

No, you know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say,

It did do something amazing for me.

For Steve and I.

The tears began a few paragraphs back. They quickly became so intense that I knew...

These words I'm typing...they've been locked deep inside all this time... patiently waiting their turn to make it out.

Out, where I can see them clearly and not just hear myself say them. Maybe they needed to be spelled out in front of me.

How many times do I proudly say at the end of the day,

Love is all that matters. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I say it every single day.

I ~~think~~ thought I did my best.

But ya know, I think it was meant to be...for these thoughts to just pour out the way they did...

Really hit me where it counts.

And shine a spotlight on words I need to trust in.

The very words I told myself when I made one of the easiest decisions of my life...

Focus. Truly focus.

Don't be scared of change.

Don't be scared of doing things "differently."

Don't be scared to be yourself.

Be true, always.

Focus little on those little details...

Big on that one big detail that matters.

And watch where it takes you...

Like it did 3 years ago...

It will always remain dear to me - That day and all that it stands for.

For, it is three years later. Three years of memories that have led us to this very day.

And, I'm so happy.

We made it.

***

I made a decision. This one - I am sticking to. This, I promise myself. I promise my husband...

Next weekend, we truly begin taking in the next few pages of THIS chapter.

We will give ourselves time while still making progress.

And when the fears set in, the questions become too many, and we start to focus too much on those little details...

I will remind myself of this day -

3 years ago and today.

And that, at the end of the day...

It only truly is that big detail...

LOVE

pure, not as complicated as you think

LOVE

"You Make It Real" - James Morrison

There's so much craziness surrounding me,
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me,
You make it real for me

When I'm not sure of my priorities,
When I've lost sight of where I'm meant to be
And like holy water washing over me,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can't find the words, you teach my heart to speak,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me

Everybody's talking in words I don't understand,
You've got to be the only one who knows just who I am
And you're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through
'Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more I have to learn,
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
'Cause you are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me
You make it real for me

Time to celebrate!

Happy weekend to ya!!!

Anniversary Lovin',

Come A Little Closer

2012-01-25T05:13:00.000-08:00

"Come A Little Closer" - Dierks Bentley

January has sure been showin' me what it's made of.

Or maybe - I've been showin' it what I'm made of.

I'll settle for a little bit of both.

Lately, though, I've been kinda feeling like this...

And a lot like this...

Yea, that was me about an hour ago. I'm a zombie. A zombie/vampire.

A wacky-doodle nighttime lova'. (okay, really bad choice of words...not that kind)

But, I adore the night. I always have. However, my sleep patterns are CAH-RAY-ZEEE this month.

To the point, where even I'm starting to wonder. Last night, I started feeling unusually sleepy around ten. So, I did what most normal people would do, and went right to bed. Only, I woke up after midnight feeling full of energy and unable to fall back asleep.

And here I am...

Awake.

Many people ask me what I do at such hours.

I read. I listen to music. I pray. I watch movies. I hang out with the fluffies. I write. I take bubble baths. I do crazy things like - decide to try out that spray tanner I've had for months, and spray down my left leg - only to wake up with a scary, speckled, orange thigh that will last me 5 days.

It all brings me peace (okay, minus the orange thigh). And it's the best time for me to sort things out.

Reflect and process.

Indulge.

Like tonight, with a cup of dark hot chocolate and a way-too-good-to-not-eat-the-whole-bar-Utah truffle.

Big zombie SHOUT OUTS and sugary THANKS to Utah's own - "Mama Leisha"!!

Look out for her in future posts.

Aleisha - it was better than an ice cold can of diet coke!!

Muffin sippin' some cocoa.

And my dinner beforehand...

(that complimented chocolate bars and chocolaty drinks so well)

Salad and Sushi

***

Now that I've rambled on and on,

I will get to my point.

I am tired.

Sound a little contradictory?

Maybe.

See, I know I can't be a super cool vampire every single night of the week. I also know it felt super awesome to fall asleep with Steve this weekend and sleep through the night. I know with some of the happenings of this month and the loss of my Nani - things have been a little out of sorts.

And it's okay. That's life. We roll with the punches. We take that time to deal and heal. It's so important.

But just as important, soon - it's time to start focusing in on things.

Big and wonderful things like THIS.

And before we can, we need to focus on us.

This past month has been a whirlwind of emotions. That - I am used to.

But I miss my husband this month. I know we're lucky to see each other every day. And spend time together. Heck, I can't even remember a fight or bickering session we've had recently. (Except the other night, when the last words I said to him were, "You're a turd!" before he went to bed.)

Still...

We need to relax together.

We need to be us together.

We deserve to be.

And to take that time.

Then, comes more baby steps.

"I wanna be stronger than we've ever been."

***

I never did mention any of my resolutions for the new year. I think because I don't really have any.

That sounds kinda wimpy, huh?!

You know though, last night as I was finishing up cleaning...one of the office's pictures caught my eye.

Balance - to bring into harmony the things that matter most in life.

And I realized - that despite my recent blahh days, and all the times I'm too hard on myself...

I'm doing just fine.

And if there's one thing you can never spend too much time on -

It's working on keeping all the good love in your life right where it should be...

Close to you.

(Wonderful dinner and times with Kelly and Kurt this weekend!)

***

* work on sleep - check

* balancing love is key - check

* concentrate extra love on the Mr and I - almost check

Let's be completely honest here...

This zombie needs some major sexy vibes sent her way.

It's hard to feel sexy when you haven't shaved your legs in a week. When you go to bed with toothpaste on your zits to dry em' out. And when the month has tried its best to kick your booty...

it can leave you feelin' a bit yucky.

So, when I picked up the sushi last night, I made sure to pick up the newest addition of Cosmo.

Um, Can you believe that's Dakota Fanning?! The little girl from I Am Sam?! (Go Dakota!)

(Gotta love the cover story titles!! My favorite-the one covering her bent arm.)

It's time to start primpin'!

We have a special weekend ahead.

Ohhh sure, go ahead and brag away, Mr. Twinkie!

***

"There ain't nothin' that love can't fix."

I'll see ya sometime early this weekend. <3

Wishing you balance and much love.

Hump Day Lovin',

People are Crazy

2012-01-21T05:31:00.000-08:00

*Kelly and Mom, if you're reading - Sing along with me, girlfriends!*

"People Are Crazy" - Billy Currington

There's snow coming down at a steady pace this morning. It might not last for long. So, I switched up my usual spot on the couch. And am in Steve's favorite chair to get a better view.

January is doing an awesome job at moving right along. And I'm doing my best to catch each day as it comes. It's been a mix of calm and crazy around here. Nothing in between.

Isn't that how it always goes?!

It's Saturday. And as I sit here dunking stale peanut butter cookies into my coffee,
I'm telling myself to take it easy. To take a breather. To eat however many cookies I damn well please.
And concentrate.
On only the good today.
***

Lots of good...

Last week, I spent the day with Kelly and her kiddos. She cooked up some yummy quesadillas, rice, and taquitos, while Kristopher and Karina opened their belated Christmas presents.

In just a few short months, these cute babes got so big!

It was great to see them!

This girl has a way of making me shoot rice out of my nose from laughing so hard.

***

We had a little after-holiday shindig last weekend.

Muffin says, "Where my peeps at?!"

There's something so refreshing about seeing so many of your loved ones all together...

Relaxed. Having fun. Enjoying each others company.

All getting along.

It's wonderful.

It's uncomplicated.

The way it's supposed to be.

Kelly was totally striking up a conversation with our chandelier. No lie.

***

I babysat the girls earlier this week. When Addison saw me, the first thing she said was, "You don't look like Mimi!" Laughing, I asked, "Why, because I look tired and am not wearing any makeup?!"

Her response - "UH HUH!"

Yikes. Looks like I do need some help.

"Addy Salon Hairdress," as she called herself, quickly came to my rescue.

I let her discover the wonders of my ~~purse~~ big bag of crap. She went to work within seconds.

A ~~little~~ lot of lipstick.

Some swirls of powder and blush.

An extra set of painted on eyelashes.

1, 389 sprays of detangler.

And...

I felt pretty. Oh so pretty.

Thank you, Addy Salon Hairdress!!!

Chloe couldn't believe her eyes.

After some major face scrubbin', I was back to "No makeup Mimi!"

And Chloe woke up from her nap, happy and hungry.

Dig on in, Chlo Chlo!

***

Thursday, my Mom and I ended up on a little adventure.

It wasn't long before we were craving a hot beverage.

There we were. Walking in what should be a pretty familiar town. Going up and down the streets. Searching.

A few minutes in on our hunt for a Starbucks, we stopped on a corner. I took out my phone to google its location.

Before the page even loaded, I turned around.

Yep,

it was right behind us.

We busted into our famous hyena cackles.

And after an eventful day, we decided some Mexican food was necessary.

2 orders of enchiladas, and 2 very empty plates later...

We were smiling.

I think that's the secret to getting through the tough times.

Smiling.

Laughing.

Loving.

***

I'll be seein' ya soon.

Until then...

Weekend Lovin',

Because You Love Me

2012-01-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

A look back...

Favorite posts of 2011

April

Crazy Faith

All The Things We've Never Done

May

Mama's Song

Landslide

Any Man of Mine

June

Not Ready To Make Nice

Guest Post by Steve - Alive and Just Breathe

Say

Paper Airplane and The Truth

July

Only You Can Love Me This Way

Never Grow Up

On The Outside Looking In

August

Just a Kiss

A Living Prayer

Don't Think I Don't Think About It

Don't You Remember

September

Overcome - Guest Post by my husband, Steve

October

November

Good Night and Good Morning

You're Gonna Miss This

December

***

Because You Love Me - Jo Dee Messina

I don't know how I survived
In this cold and empty world
For all this time
I only know that I'm alive
Because you love me

When I recall what I've been through
There's some things
That I wish I didn't do
Now I do the things I do
Because you love me

And now that you're in my life
I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because You love me

And now that you're in my life
Oh, I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because you love me

I believe in things unseen
I believe in the message of a dream
And I believe in what you are
Because you love me

With all my heart and all my soul
I'm loving you and I never will let go
And every day I'll let it show
Because you love me
Because you love me
Because you love me
***

Just a few (hundred) photos of my favorite memories in 2011.

***

More to come...

Monday Lovin',

Quiet Day

2012-01-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

I could go on and on. There are many feelings I could acknowledge.

I'll get to them. Each day at a time.

But today, I want to keep it quiet.

And that's not an easy thing for me to do.

I'm not the best at these "Wordless Wednesdays."

I tried once in the summer, and I failed. Miserably.

You can see for yourself, HERE.

So, maybe I'll just go the picture and caption route.

First, let me say a huge THANK YOU. Thank you for your compassionate words on my last post. Your shared stories. Your prayers. Again, I could go on and on. I will just say this - They mean so much.

They really, really do. Thank you for proving to me again,

that - the heart of life is so so good.

***

Okay,

pictures and captions only.

This was our poor Christmas tree, yesterday. Saggy. Droopy. Sad.

The Mr. told me I had to take a break. He told me he'd take care of it.

Um, those are needles people. Let's just say we probably won't be getting a Scottish Spruce next year.

This was Timmy the tree back in December, right after I decorated him. Shiny. Bright n' colorful.

And below, is the photo Steve sent to me after he finished taking all the ornaments off last night.

Those needles just slipped right off!

Charlie Brown tree...doesn't even cut it!

I laughed so hard, I cried.

I was feelin' a bit like poor Timmy the tree until I got some much needed rest.

These girls brought some sunshine into my Friday.

Chloe joined me in making funny faces.

And after a very trying day, these girls were there to make me laugh.

Let me cry. Make me smile.

They made Saturday better. I love them.

I had to draw my gal, Kelly. Just because she couldn't make it to lunch, doesn't mean she shouldn't be in the photo.

Tuesday's sky.

I got lost in my thoughts last night and slow danced with my mop.

A visit with my Mom. She made me a salad. The first healthy thing I've eaten this week.

I love her.

Muffin contemplated joining me for a swim in the tub.

And, backtracking to NYE. A gourmet meal of Taco Bell. By the tree.

I pulled out my fancy footwear.

Mr. Adam watched a movie with us.

And took this awesome photo after the ball dropped.

This wasn't really taken when the clock hit midnight.

It was somewhere around 12:05.

But I kinda like it that way.

This crazy cat lady...

She's crazy about that man in the photo above.

***

I'll be back in a few days.

Feelin' whatever I'm feelin'. <3

Wednesday Lovin',

The Heart of Life

2012-01-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since I last sat down and got comfortable on my favorite spot on the couch.
A week since I last wrote. And a week since we said goodbye to 2011.

In a word, 2012 has been...

Intense.

My Nani passed away on January 2nd.

It hasn't been until this morning, that I've had time to transform some of these emotions into words.

I woke up extra early to give myself that time.

More importantly, to give thanks and remember my grandmother.

Her services are today.

My Nani was 86. She was bed ridden for 2 years. But her mind...

Her mind was sharp. She remembered everything.

And I admire that.

I remember a day this past summer. My Mom and I were going through the hutch in my Nani's living room. I kept finding old photographs. Many of Nani when she was younger. With her family...my Pop - Pop...their friends.

I took a handful of them to her. And told her I'd be back with more. At least ten minutes passed before I went back to her room. And when I returned, she was still holding onto the same photo. She hadn't put it down. It was a photo of her, my grandfather, and their friends.

I watched as she examined it and held it tightly.

Usually, she'd have stories to go along with each picture. But this time, she was quiet.

And I got it. She was deep in that memory.

"You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing"

When my Mom and I spent last Friday in the hospital - deep down, I had a feeling.

But at the same time, I saw her coming home. I never imagined spending New Year's day and night in the ICU. Seeing my Nani hooked up to all those machines. Depending on oxygen. Barely moving....

It broke my heart. When Steve and I walked in, and I saw my Mom sitting beside the bed, holding her mother's hand, crying heavy tears...

It broke my heart more.

Monday, we sat in room #371 with the lights off and only the sound of the monitors. We were all tired.

And though I tried to hide it,

I was scared.

I was scared because I had never been in the presence of someone dying.

I was scared because it was my Nani, who was dying. And the nurses told us she didn't have much time.

I was scared because the machines kept flashing red. On and off for hours. Making us aware her blood pressure was lowering.

I was scared she'd be in pain when the time came.

I was scared for my Mom.

At a little past 8:40 pm, on Monday night, my Nani took her last breath.

And as much as I think about that very moment,

it was the one following, that will remain in my ~~mind~~ heart always.

Minutes before Nani passed, I stood close to my Mom...my arm around her...my heart beating fast.

She was hurting so badly.

The monitor went to zero. Nani was still. Nani was in peace.

And us - we were feeling every bit of it.

My Mom and I looked at one another. I whispered, "she's passed."

And within seconds, I was sandwiched tightly between my Mom and brother, Nicholas.

I can remember the sound of our loud cries and the way the tears fell. The way my Mom's hair felt as I ran my fingers through it to comfort her. I can remember the way my Nani's hand felt in mine. The way my brother squeezed me closer as my Mom's tears got heavier. Steve wrapping his arms around all of us.

It stayed that way for a good thirty minutes.

It was hard. It was sad.

It was beautiful.

And I wasn't scared anymore.

"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around"

The week before Christmas, I spent an afternoon with Nani. I sat with my phone open to the gallery of hundreds and hundreds of photos of the kitties. (If possible, she loved cats more than I do.) I went on and on about each photo. She'd laugh. Call them little buggers. Smile and pull the phone closer to her to get a better look. She paused after the 300th photo and said, "You're going to make a good Mommy one day."

I choked back tears. Thanked her. And I told her...

that in the coming months Steve and I would be using a sperm donor to become parents.

She, knowing a decent amount of the first year of our journey, looked at me and said, "Oh, Maria, it's been a long time since you talked about it. I always wondered, but didn't want to upset you."

And I'm crying. Because when I think about my grandmother - now and years ago - I always respected who she was. She was humble. Never prideful. She never claimed to have any answers. She didn't gossip or brag.

She'd tell you stories and you'd listen. You'd tell her stories and she'd listen.

She used words like, "blouse" and "rouge" and "naturally."

When she was mad, she'd curse in Hungarian. (And sometimes, tell my Mom she was going to bite her nose off.)

She'd tell me, "It's okay, I think I made poops in my diaper!," when I proudly farted in front of her.

That was Nani.

She had no shame.

She was honest.

***

The last words Nani said to my Mom were...

"Happy New Year"

And you know what,

It is. And it will be.

"Life goes by in mid - July

Just like it does on New Year's Day

There's a comfort in the good old times
You don't feel so far away"
(Alison Krauss - Frozen Fields)

***

Instead of focusing on 365 days at a time, I want to work on focusing on each day at a time.

The first days of 2012 have taught and proved to me - so much in such a short amount of time.

Days can be long. Sleep doesn't always come easy.

People can either help one another or hurt one another.

They can act heartless or heal your heart.

Loss should be grieved. Life should be celebrated.

Love does conquer all.

And the heart of life...

"The heart of life is good."

happy new ~~year~~ day.

With all my Love,

Wasted

2011-12-31T16:58:00.000-08:00

I realize the title of this post - along with today's date, might have led you to believe I'm sitting here typing with a bottle or two by my side...getting my party on a little early.
But the truth is, I'm on the couch. In my slippers and Steve's pajamas. Drinking a diet root beer and enjoying the quiet of the house. The Mr. is snoozing after a grueling game of "Batman" on the XBOX and I am quite content with just letting him nap for the moment.

The night is young. And I see a comfy, relaxing night ahead with the Mr.

I plan on giving a healthy visit to 2011 and welcoming 2012 in my first post of the new year.

For now, here are some photos of the last couple days of our year...

Thursday was a very full day. You can't go wrong - starting your morning with a lil' Kelly. She came over with a bag of eggs and bacon. And us amazing chefs...
We whipped up a mighty breakfast.
We sat down. Spooned some scrambled eggs onto our plates. A dash of pepper. A little cheese.
I was lucky enough to get the secret prize!!

One of Kelly's lustrous locks.

That's my first bite of eggie hangin' from it! I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I totally would have eaten it. If that ain't love...

Laughing til tears. Tears til laughing.

We always fit so much emotion into our time together.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I forgot to mention this day revolved around food. Food and friends.

I met my friend, Jessica, for lunch.

We caught up over paninis and calzones.

And gabbed through the afternoon.

Food and friends are always a great combo.

Then came dinner. It was time to celebrate Ed's birthday. He and his lovely lady, Jessica, came over for dinner and dessert.

Jessica is fabulous at catching me in my element.

And always offers such positive feedback once we review the photos she took.

I'm pretty sure she said this one was "just hideous!"

I think she's right!

What can I say, I was excited about surprising Ed with his cheesecake and makeshift birthday candle.

Happy Birthday to Ed!!

Make a wish, fella!

While grocery shopping, I discovered Hershey's now makes dark chocolate syrup. It's yum!

The word of the night was - "Bologna"

Jessica asked me to write her a special message.

We are Cinnions 4 eva.

Steve likes his cheesecake plain. Shame, because I had the perfect message for his slice.

The next photo was also shot by Jessica. She dared me to put it on my blog.

So,

here it is.

HIDEOUS doesn't cut it.

How old am I? 29 or 5?

We found Mr. Twinkie pooped out on the chair. His belly was about to explode after 6 pieces of cake.

Ed and I love being immature and silly. Apparently, we LOVE our new picture frames too!

Buzzy n' me

I heard people were pickin' on my Mr, calling him a bumble bee! HA!!

Like I said, Cins 4 eva.

***

Last night, I was headed upstairs when I saw Twinkie, scared as anything, with what looked like a pink collar around his neck. It majorly freaked me out. He sped by me and ran to the basement. It didn't take me long to realize, Mr. ~~Tubby~~ Twinkie had been snoopin' in his Christmas treat bags under the tree.

BAD ME!! I never should have left his treats out. Especially somewhere the fluffies could try and get to them. Steve lured him from a spot behind the couch in the basement with what else, but

more treats.

Poor guy. I can just imagine him. Digging in the bag. Accidentally getting his head stuck in the handle. Running around the house with a gift bag attached to him. :*(

I learned a lesson. And so did he.

***

We went to my brother, Nicholas', gig last night. We were happy to get our favorite "front row" seats.

Nicholas rocked as always.

My Mom and Vanessa.

We were so happy she made it out. Vanessa is one cool lady!

Goodnight, Friday.

***

Last night, before heading to bed, the kitties were going crazy. There was a fly zipping around the house. Twinkie, Krimpet, and Muffin were on the prowl. They wouldn't take their eyes off it.

This morning...

We were greeted with this.

I don't know how they managed to catch Fred the fly.

But, they did. And I'm sure it would have been fun to watch.

***

It's December 31st. There's less than 5 hours left of 2011.

Whatever you're doing tonight,

may you be in the presence of love.

I, (including Muffin)

Wish you a...

Very

SAFE

and

BLESSED

Waste some time. Learn some lessons. Live your life through it all.

I'll be back next week. In 2012. Reflecting. Remembering. Ready.

Each day has been a gift.

New Year's Eve Lovin',

The First Noel

2011-12-28T04:27:00.000-08:00

This is the scene at this very moment...

Twinkie lying right beside me. Covered up with Muffin curled up in a deep, deep sleep above him.

The shimmer and lights from the tree keep catching my attention. Causing me to lose focus on the computer and instead, stare to my right.

Our beloved kitties. Our Christmas tree.

They add to the stillness and peace of tonight.

I'm soaking it all up. For the feeling of Christmas lasts well after the day comes and goes.

I think once all the hustle and bustle settles down - that is when it really seeps in.

Christmas Eve day was an eventful one. As we were just about to cross off the very last (minute) item from our list, our car decided not to start. In a shopping complex. Thankfully, there was a *Tire's Plus* seconds away. A nice man came out to our rescue, jumped the battery, and we were on our merry way. For a whole .24 miles. It wasn't the battery. It was the alternator. Within a minute, we were put put put-ing down a back road until our car completely stopped. Steve didn't even give me time to say something smart-assed. Without notice, he put the car in neutral, got out, went to the trunk and started pushing with all his might. Screaming, "STEER TO THE RIGHT, STEER TO THE RIGHT, MARIA!!" I don't know what was funnier - seeing Steve's beet red face in the rear view mirror, grunting and looking angry as ever as he attempted to push our 5,299 pound suv up a hill...

Or me, laughing hysterically-my hyena cackle, as I "steered to the right"- knowing I totally looked like I was in a scene from a really bad movie - the kind where there's a canvas behind the car and an obviously fake road...and you know - that car ain't goin' nowhere. I watching as all the passerby's heads kept turning to the left, looking at us like, "Merry Christmas, suckers!! Thanks for the laugh!"

It wasn't long before I stopped "driving" and told Steve this ain't gonna work.

Our amazing friend, Adam, took time out of his day to come and save us.

While him and Steve jumped the battery for the first of 3 times in order to get it to somewhere safe (ie - Kelly's house, since she is awesome and we were in her neck of the woods.)

I practiced my best Grinch faces.

Last night, I picked this up.

Well, Merry Christmas, hunny!! A brand new shiny alternator!!

***

Friday night, the kitties and I stayed up late again. Putting lots of love into gifts for 2 special ladies.

Muffin...always keepin' an eye on me.

Back in October, my super talented, ever so crafty friend, Jessica, and I got together for a *make a wreath date.* You can see - HERE.

I have to give her major thanks. She taught me the ropes and inspired me.

I set myself up on the floor with a blanket and all the goods. A cup of coffee. A cinnamon candle. The kitties. Of course, a few LMN movies. Lotsa yarn. Trusty glue gun. Doodads galore....

I made this one for my Nani.

She's a fellow crazy cat lady. So, the winter kittens were a must!

And this one, for my Mom. She loves her some country tunes too!

Ohhh, Mr. Twinkie...you are amazing. I was feeling the same by the time I was done.

Christmas Eve night.

***

Christmas morning, we headed to my Dad's house (in our pjs) for gifts, coffee, and cinnamon rolls.

Elmer pup and Gibson pup were anxious to wish us a Merry Christmas...

Muddy paws and all.

Would you just look at those faces!!! Elmer is totally smiling!

Brigid and Dad

Dad Me Steve and Nicholas

Remember the rocking chair I wrote of in THIS emotional post...

That's my Dad sitting in it Christmas morning.

While we were opening presents, he told me he wanted me to have it.

I can't explain what it means to me - my Dad's words...that old rocking chair and all the memories it carries.

Such a special gift.

I get teary eyed thinking about it...for many reasons. I ~~hope~~ know it will be a huge part of the years to come.

***

When we came home, it was time for the kitties to open their presents.

They loved their catnip mouseys.

With all the excitement, Krimpet and Twinkie needed an afternoon nap. Steve and I decided that wasn't such a bad idea. Mr's back wasn't feelin' too hot after all the suv pushing he did the day before. And my stomach muscles were sore from all the laughing and cackling. So, we took a Christmas nappy.

And when we awoke, we found this...

Poor blue mousey...torn to shreds. He lived a short but exciting life.

(This was blue mousey's last happy photo.) And this fancy toy -all for $4.19...a wind up ball that spins a rod with feathers at the end of it. They are in love with it.

We visited my Nani. She wasn't feeling too well earlier this month.

She's getting better each day.

***

Christmas night at our house

I spot a Muffin.

Merry margaritas

We kept it nice n' simple. Fajitas, rice, and beans.

Look who I found in my chair!

Muffin says, "Let's get this party started!!"

Nicholas and Mom began our annual tradition of opening gifts. We all sit in a circle and go around until there's a bag full of wrapping paper and bows (and kitties pouncing and sleeping on tissue paper and in boxes).

So very thoughtful of my Mom...who do these guys remind you of?

I have the perfect spot for this beautiful gift.

(Twinkie was about to bust loose! HA!)

I learned a long time ago - not much in this life is flawless. So many of us want things to be "perfect."

Time is precious. You can use it wisely. You can squeeze the most out of every minute...

And still, there might be a few missing checks off your list.

But, I find, rarely do those missing checks go noticed...

If you surround yourself with the ones you love - the ones who love you back - who love you good...

None of those little empty boxes matter.

Forget about those "things" you wish you had time to do.

And always remember,

"The best things in life aren't things."

Our car broke down on Christmas Eve. I didn't bake those sugar cookies I wanted to. We were all tired.

But ya know what, our car will be fixed. Sugar cookies can be baked another day. And Christmas...

Well, it still feels like it. As I sit here, comfortable, in one of my many "crazy cat lady" pajamas from my Mom, eating way too much candy for this time of day, typing the last few sentences to this post...

I'm thankful that...

It was a good one.

I scratched one of the lottery tickets in our card from my Mom before going to bed, Christmas night.

We won $25. Not too shabby. But besides the extra loot,

It's message was loud and clear...

I am lucky.

I am blessed.

We all are.

There's still a few days of 2011 left on the calendar.

Wishing you GREAT days ahead.

I'll be stopping by one more time before the close of this year.

Merry Wednesday,