"Change" - Carrie Underwood
The last day of August. The unofficial last day of summer. One day until September.
Oh, I hope it's a good one. A great one. A make-it-the-best-damn-day-you-can kinda day.
I drove tonight. Well, last night. It's morning. I'm playing vampire. There's adrenaline running through me. Energy that has nowhere to settle but in the tips of my fingers. So, I'm gonna type for a bit. And probably excuse myself for a few to feed Piper. (She usually wakes around this hour for a little early morning snack before heading back to sleep).
Where was I. Ahh, I drove
tonight last night. And I lost myself in a sea of emotions, thinking back on these past few months...this summer, and all the surprises and madness and sweet memories.
I laughed to myself. I cried to the songs I play over and over again - therapy (and maybe a little bit of torture) through lyrics on repeat.
I gave thanks for all I am blessed with in this life of mine. And I prayed for peace. For everyone I love. And yes, for me too.
Like the quote - "Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
That is what I think we all long for at the end of the day.
Tonight, I came home after cleaning and running errands. I put away groceries and poured myself an old cup of coffee. I made small talk with Steve while I figured out something quick to eat. And within a minute, Piper woke up. (Lately, she wakes up around 11 or 12 and then again around 5 or so before heading back to sleep.) I was exhausted. I was hungry. I needed to pee and pump. And I was super moody.
But then I walked into Piper's nursery. I swooped her up and rocked her close. I felt her head sweetly collapse into my chest as she fell back into a deep sleep.
And I felt that peace.
I felt that calmness in my heart.
I need to work on finding the peace more often. I mean, I think I try my best most days.
But sometimes, life gets in the way. And I let it get the best of me.
There's no doubt that this summer took me on the greatest emotional ride of my life.
Welcoming Piper into the world and watching her grow and change and become the beautiful, funny, magical babe she is, all while my father battles what comes his way each day after his heart attack...
It's hard to put into words exactly what it feels like.
Yes, heavy is a good word.
The happiest of happy. And the saddest of sad. All stuffed in one heart.
They don't like sharing the same space.
But luckily, the happy usually wins.
I have hopes for this upcoming month...this new season...
Change in the things I do have some control over.
And the peace of knowing that some things, I cannot change - that's the hardest part sometimes.
Oh, I can be so stubborn. It is a blessing and curse.
As I mentioned in my last post, our little trip got me thinking a lot about my life. More than anything, I thought about all that has changed. And how quickly 365 days can pass. It had been almost exactly a year since our last visit with my friend, Julia, and her family.
I pulled an all-nighter Friday into Saturday, two weeks ago. I packed us up. I did laundry at 3 in the morning. I pumped while I ate ice cream. I excitedly woke Steve up at 5 to start getting the SUV ready. I woke Piper up for her early morning snack and told her it was time for her first real road trip. She had a grin on her face. She couldn't wait...Miss Road Trip Pip.
Steve got her all comfy in her carseat...still in her footie pajamas.
We stopped for some coffee and sugar-infested snacks, and were off.
Piper slept most of the 6+ hour drive, waking up to eat (and poop). She did awesome.
Cried for only a bit.
Road Rage Randy
Steve only came out a few times with the traffic.
And I felt exhilarated, despite my lack of sleep.
I was going to see my friend. And her sweet family. And her baby bump.
I knew that peace that I wrote of above would be in my heart big time.
And I knew we'd have just as wonderful (if not more wonderful) a time as we did last year.
We made a pit stop at Walmart. Pajama Piper auditioned for "Babies of Walmart."
And later, checked out some peeps near a dumpster with Daddy.
It was early afternoon when we arrived in Massachussettes.
Steve parked and I unhooked Pips out of her carseat.
I had a lump in my throat as I walked towards Julia.
Her babes, only four months, the last time I saw them, were now walking beside her.
And Piper, just an eight week old bean in my belly last year, was now a 16 pound girl on my hip.
Ahh, sweet change.
Our two nights/three days together were surely not enough. But it certainly felt good.
There's so much I could say about our visit.
To catch up for hours...felt wonderful. To eat a ton of amazing food together...that felt wonderful, too. To see our little girls wearing the matching dresses we got for them...that made my heart explode. More than anything, though, to be together with our children...that put my heart at peace.
I look at all these pictures and they pretty much speak for themselves.
I truly believe Julia and I were meant to meet.
It's kind of unbelievable...how similar the paths that our lives have taken.
Over the past few years, we've shared a lot.
So much happy and a decent amount of heartache, too.
I've learned so much from our friendship.
And am grateful for it every day.
Julia, thank you for welcoming
I love you. I miss you, dammit.
So does Piper. <3
Happy. Heavy. Heart.
I'll be back next week with a post exploding with memories from the past few weeks.
After that post, I'm thinking of some changes as far as posts go...
More of them. Some focusing on one day at a time. Some about motherhood. Some about Pips. About the Mr. Some about whatever I'm feelin' in that moment.