Thursday, February 23, 2012

Much Thanks and A Few Photos

I've been thinking so much the power of words and actions go hand in hand.
Maya is right...when it's all said and done,
it is truly the way you feel.

And, you've made me feel so blessed...
Steve and I thank you so much - For all the love after my last post.
Thank you for being genuine.
And kind.

(there will be more thanks where that came from.)


Today, I have more pictures than words.
Yay for me keeping my big mouth shut!

I'll be back later this weekend.

For now...
Some memories from the past week.
Sweet treats from Jessica, (addressed to her "mon cherie minion") left on our doorstep.

More Valentine's love, from my mom - kitty coloring book included.

A double date with Vanessa and Doug
(and  possibly a Moose)

Girls' night with Kelly
Girls' day with Jessica

It took me a few to realize that this was not a picture of crinkle-cut fries and a smiley-faced chicken patty.
Seriously, it did.
It was awaiting me on Jessica's menu board,
reminding me that all is well.

I'd like you to meet my new friend, Cammy, the Canny.
I've been pretty attached to her lately.
The awesome Mr decided to put all his faith in me and surprise me.
I'm in love.
And learning slowly.
And luckily, he sprung for a 3 year warranty.
Me and electronics don't have the best history.
I've been known to drop cell phones in bathtubs, rain puddles, and yes,
even toilets.

There's so much to learn,
and I'm excited.

A few shots from the past couple days.
(mostly of the fluffies, of course!)

(NOT a fluffy)

also not fluffies

Alright, my friends.
That is all for today.
It's a pretty one out there...warm and bright.
Have a wonderful one

Many Thanks and Much Lovin',

Thursday, February 16, 2012

A Thousand Years

i"A Thousand Years" - Christina Perri

"All is well, Maria." 

I woke up today to those four little words.

As every phone call from our doctor's office in the past few years has been of great importance,
 this one by far...

has been my Favorite.

I don't think the kind woman on the other line could have chosen four more perfect words to help sew those last few stitches in my heart...

I am at peace. 

I can say that out loud now.  I can genuinely believe in it.  Because, I feel it.
How do I feel?
I feel light.  I feel free.  I feel content.

You wait for what seems like a lifetime for some things to make sense. To have that moment, where in an instant, something just clicks.  Your heart races.  You let go of fear. Your soul speaks to you. 

And without a thought, you take that giant leap into what you know and trust
 is the rest of your life.

Monday was our day.
We found our donor. 
We made that call.

And in just mere minutes,
Steve and I were standing.  Embracing one another, and embracing the truth...
That every single day we traveled on that long and windy road...the big ups, the huge downs...all the doubts and uncertainties along the way...

They brought us here.
Here, where we've hoped and prayed to be all along.
A place where love is exactly what it should be. No definition necessary. 
A place where you realize that those jagged stones in the path were really friends is disguise.
A place that only brings you another page closer.

It only took five minutes to make that phone call on Monday.  Only seconds to hear that we are "good to go" and our "specimen" is in safe keeping until my next cycle begins.
But, it took years...
Hundreds of days to get here.
Hundreds of days - that sometimes felt like a "thousand years."

The memories that flashed before me when I realized this was really happening - that we were really doing this and taking this next step...
Those were the most significant and rewarding memories I've ever felt with my husband.

I remembered the days of anger.  The pure fear and doubt.  The rage inside of us to wanna fix it.  And the hopes that it was just a nightmare.  I remember our lowest of moments.  Times where Steve couldn't even speak to me without tears.  I remember a fight so big, I was literally in the bathtub with my clothes on, holding his car keys, so he couldn't leave...begging and pleading for him to talk to me.
I can recall them all, and now,
I can smile.  I can cry proud tears. 
 I see a man who speaks of our journey to anyone who will listen.  Who isn't ashamed.  Who is more than ready and who has taught me more than I think he will ever know.
And I believe, without hesitation...
that the woman I spoke to this morning was absolutely right...

All is well.

As for the details on our donor...traits, hair and eye color, characteristics mentioned on his profile...
There's not any need to mention them.

All I need to do
when I want to see the father of our child someday,
is look at the beautiful, strong man who's standing beside me in this photo...

For love, is the greatest detail of them all.

and we are so gratefully

"One Step Closer."



Thank you for the past, the present
and the future.
Thank you.  All of you.


Just 3 weeks, and a new cycle chapter truly begins.


A little celebration of great new beginnings...

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me

Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

Love...just Love,

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Find Yourself

"Find Yourself" - Brad Paisley

There was a day last February, that reminds me of the first time I heard these lyrics...
I was babysitting a sweet little boy.  We were in between making a pretend mushroom and pepperoni pizza, putting a puzzle together, and watching "Cars."  I remember when the credits started playing and this song began.  I fought the tears and thought to myself - gosh, I hope and pray that someday I can hear these words and sing proudly, right along with him.
I was going through my fifth miscarriage at that last miscarriage.
  I felt so lost.  I was scared. 
 I was beside myself. 

It's been a whole year.  A year since I've been pregnant.  One that would drag on sometimes, and fly by in others.

And now, I'm singing these words.
I'm singing them happily.

"When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself"

I don't have any big news to announce at this very moment.   
But, I have a whole lot of thanks for everything that's taken place this past week.
Take one day at a time...
I've learned it.  I've lived it.
And when the time is right - whether it be hours, days, weeks or months from now - changes will take place.
It will all work out.  I truly believe that.  With everything in me.

Isn't it funny what time teaches you?  Experiences you know are there waiting for you...ones that used to scare the hell out of you - now are seen as great blessings.

I will get more (way more) into this subject in my next posts...
But, lemme tell ya, I never thought I'd be saying this with such enthusiasm...
 God bless sperm donors.
We couldn't be more grateful for this experience after what took place on Monday.  And after a few setbacks - Friday, especially. 
Monday was easy breezy...too good to be true.
Tuesday-Thursday weren't too shabby either.
And when Friday hit, and we thought we just might have had it all figured out...

I made a discovery...
"Our guy" - he wasn't available any more.

There were tears.  Fears tried to creep back in without a warning.
Frantic phone calls were made. 

And in no time, after boo hoo'ing and talking to two dear friends, and a reassuring husband -
I was reminded to trust the beautiful lesson that has made plenty of appearances in these past few years...

I think these lyrics best sum it up.

"Where you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin'
And you wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself"

Friday night, Steve and I sat and worked together on the process again. It was enlightening. It was even humorous at times.  It was passionate in a sense.

And by midnight, we were so grateful we "lost our way,"

Because, sometimes...
you truly do find yourself.


I'm gonna come back in a couple days.  We'll see where they take us.

Thank you. For all the love.

Some fun photos from our week...

Muffin watched over us.
and kept us smiling.
Now, here's where the big laughs came in. 

The donor sites are pretty complex. Some even tell you celebrities your donor resembles.  It might sound "neat" but, it's tricky - the best way I can describe it.  You don't want it to sway you. But
when it says, "this donor resembles Bill Gates," it's hard not to get a mental picture like this...

in case you're wondering...that's him all swaddled up.

Don't get me wrong, though...I'd hug and love and cherish "baby Gates" more than you know.
So, I went and logged onto one of those "which celebrity do you resemble" sites.
The clinics, of course, use much more advanced technology and real people to make those comparisons.
But, I needed a laugh.

UMMMM, yea...
  First of all...I love that I resemble 4 men and 1 woman.  And that my biggest match is Danny Glover.
Pretty amazing, huh?! I felt like I just took an ab class, I was laughing so stinkin' hard!!
And, Princess Diana??! WT*!

And then Steve...I didn't pick the most flattering picture. But still,
Look at the second guy! HAHAHA!
Sorry, Mr!!


Veronica came to visit. Her and Muffin are in love with one another.

Me, Kelly, and her kiddos went to Kelly's for a fun day.
The babes were adorable together and had a blast dancing, starting a band, baking pretend cookies and eating chicken nuggets.

*Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world!*

I had to see what superstars the site would make of  us in this picture.

I cried from laughing so hard.  Though, I do see Kristin Chenoweth.

Ok, the 3 ladies, yes...I could see it...
But Colin Powell?! HAHA!

Hmmm...Really??! This site is busted!

Kelly, you definitely got the best turnout, girlfriend!!! HAHA!

A shopping day and Mexican dinner with Steve and Mom

And just one more...Sorry, Mom! All men! hahaha, I see where I get it from.
OHHH, this is horrible!  LOL!
Mom...I see Mick, I do! ;) But, you're so much prettier than Donald.

Danny Glover and Rod Stewart <3


Okay, I've rambled on long enough, my friends.
Have a beautiful Sunday night!!
See ya soon <3

Sweet Sunday Lovin',
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